


Needs

by orphan_account



Category: Glee
Genre: BDSM, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-07-21
Updated: 2012-06-20
Packaged: 2017-10-21 15:25:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 73,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Started as a kink_meme fill here http://glee-kink-meme.livejournal.com/6968.html?thread=16513848#t16513848, didn't stop.</p><p>Kurt helps Blaine recover from an abusive D/s relationship. The first 93 parts are chapter one. Future installments will be posted as single chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sorry for the delay. I really struggled with filling this, since... well, let's just say it's partially autobiographical (except the fluff at the end) and I had a really hard time getting it to somewhere I was happy with. I hope everyone still finds and enjoys it.

7:10. Up. The sound of Katy Perry from my radio as the alarm goes off. i go to the bathroom to straighten my hair. Sir didn't like it when i left my hair curly.

As the straightening iron heats up, i look at the red marks on my neck- burns, self-inflicted burns, and how sick is that? Because i can't stand the way it looks now, when i don't straighten my hair enough, when someone else ruffles it or anything. i just can't bear it, because i hear Sir's voice in my head.

"Your hair looks fucking ridiculous like that, slut. I want it straightened by the time I get up, every day."

And i still do. Sir liked to sleep in, get up around nine. He liked to be woken with a blowjob, His breakfast waiting for Him.

Even though He's been gone for so long, i still like to follow those old habits. It helps me cope.

i go downstairs, to the common room. Kurt is there. He smiles and waves at me.

What a sweet kid. i don't know what to tell him about his crush on me. The last thing i would want to do is hurt his feelings, but i can't be a good first boyfriend. After what happened with Sir, i don't know if i would be able to have sex again, and i'm definitely sure i can't top. i don't think Kurt would be willing or able to give me what i need, and i don't trust myself to be in a relationship otherwise.

"Blaine! Hey, Blaine!" Nonetheless, i take my breakfast tray and go sit with him.

He slides in just a little too close to me, and i tense. i'm not supposed to be touched. Sir really didn't like that.

"You filthy whore. No one but me touches this body, do you understand? No one else. Not now, not ever. You are mine."

i've punished myself for that several times in the last few days. Because Kurt is beautiful, and innocent, and he really likes me. i wish i didn't have to push him away.

"Hey, you're getting your sleeve in your food," Kurt remarks, and pushes up the sleeve of my blazer so it doesn't get any maple syrup stains.

Except that that reveals evidence of my self-inflicted punishment. The long scars that mark my arms run right up to my wrist. It's an area always covered by the Dalton blazers, and-

Kurt grabs my wrist and forces me to turn around and face him. Inappropriately, i feel my dick hardening slightly at the rough treatment.

"What the fuck?" he growls.

"I-"

"Follow."

That's it. Just one word, before he strides out of the room. And i probably shouldn't, but it's an order, and it's been so long.

i obey.

i run after Kurt, trailing him from the common room into his dorm. His roommate is out for the day, visiting his girlfriend as he always does on weekends.

"Sit."

He doesn't indicate the chair, and i follow my instinct, dropping to the floor.

"Take off the blazer."

Like an idiot, i'd worn a short-sleeved shirt today. That means Kurt can see the wealth of marks covering my arms.

"Fuck, Blaine." He doesn't sound angry anymore. Just said. "Why..."

"i needed it," i whisper. "After everything..."

He says, quietly, "What?"

"Um. i... i don't know where to... i needed to punish myself," i admit.

His eyes widen. "Blaine. Look at me."

i force myself to meet his eyes.

"You said punish. Why?"

"i... Kurt, i can't-"

"And you followed me in here when I told you to. Like a good boy."

i freeze. The reaction does not go unnoticed.

Kurt drops to one knee next to me, grasping my face, one hand on either side. "Sweetheart, are you a sub?"

"K-kurt?"

"Answer my question, Blaine. Are you hurting yourself because you're a submissive?"

"Yes," i admit. After a second's pause, when i realize he isn't going to throw me out, disgusted, i realize something and ask, "How do you even know what that is?"

He smiles. "Did it never cross your mind I might be... well, the opposite?"

No. It honestly never had. But the way he's looking at me...

"Kurt, I-"

"Shh." He strokes a hand through my hair. "Beautiful boy. I can't have you hurting yourself, sweetheart. Okay? The next time you think you need to be punished, you come to me."

"Yes, Kurt," i agree.

"Good boy."

He sits on the lone chair in the room. "That's settled, then. But I want to talk to you a little."

"O-okay."

"C'mere." He indicates the floor by his feet. i start to kneel, and he says, "Wait." Kurt stands, crossing to the bed and grabbing a pillow. He places it on the ground. "Don't want you to get uncomfortable. You might be here for a while, sweetheart."

"Kurt?"

"On your knees," he orders quietly.

"Is... is that for me?"

"Of course."

"i can kneel on the pillow?" i ask again, not wanting to make any assumptions. That might make him angry, and i don't want to do that.

"Yes. Go ahead."

i do.

"Good boy. You can lean against me, if you want."

i let my head fall against his thigh, closing my eyes. For a few seconds, he just pets my hair. i don't even think about how i'll have to be punished later for letting him mess up my hair.

"Sweetheart, what are all these marks on your neck?"

"B...burns."

"Blaine-"

"i straighten my hair. Sir didn't like my curls, and-"

"Who's that?"

i flinch just slightly. Unfortunately, Kurt notices. He uses his grip on my hair to force me to look up at him.

"Tell me."

"Kurt, i... please, i don't think i can..."

"Yes, you will," he insists, tugging sharply at my hair.

i panic. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry, please, i'm sorry, i just can't, not yet, oh God, Kurt, please. Please don't leave, i'm sorry, i'll tell you anything you want, i'll do-"

"Quiet."

i bite my lip, unable to stop a whimper from escaping.

"Hey, sweetheart. You're okay. I don't know why you're so scared, but you're safe now, all right?"

"Kurt?"

"I'll take care of you," he promises gently, and the tears spill out of my eyes. Kurt wipes them away.

"Are you mad?" i ask finally.

"No, sweetheart. Not at all. I just want to know what's wrong."

i bite my lip.

"Blaine, did someone hurt you?"

i choke out a sob.

"Answer," Kurt prompts gently.

"Yes," i manage. "Oh, God, yes-"

"Shh," he says. "Blaine, baby, don't cry, all right?"

"S-sorry."

"Or apologize." He sighs. "Seriously, if you say you're sorry one more time, I'm going to take you over my knee, okay?"

i nod. "Okay."

"Now look up at me. I'm not going to ask you to talk, because obviously that's not working. But I'm going to ask you some questions, and I expect you to answer. If you can't, just say so, and I promise I won't hurt you or leave you or whatever it is that's making you cry. Is that clear?"

"Yes," i say quietly.

"You're beautiful, Blaine. You're so wonderful, so sweet and brave and lovely, and I want you to be mine. But we can't just dive into this."

"i know," i whisper. "What do i need to do?"

"What?"

"For you to want me. What do i need to do?"

i expect he'll want me to lose some weight. Sir already thought that was necessary, and i've put on five pounds since... Or maybe it's something else. All the solos probably bother him. i'm such an attention whore sometimes. i bet he hates that-

"Of course I want you," Kurt soothes. "I just need to know what you've... what you've been through, and what you need from me. Is that clear enough?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"I really, really want you to be mine, Blaine. I've wanted it since I first saw you. I just have to know that I'm going to be able to take care of you."

"Okay." i bite my lip. "i'll try."

"That's a good boy." He pets my hair again. "First question. I guess I'm not the first Dom you've ever had, huh?"

"No," i say, and that was easy enough.

"How many?"

"Just one."

He nods. "Good boy. See, that's not so hard, is it?"

"No, it's not."

"Did it end badly?"

"Yes." i laugh bitterly. "It fucking started badly."

"How did it start?"

"i met Him online." i sigh. "i'm such a stupid whore. i never should have-"

"How?"

"i made a profile on a kinky dating site. Said i was eighteen."

"How old were you?"

i pause again. "Fourteen."

"Fuck," Kurt says. "You were just a kid."

i look at the ground. "i know. i'm such a slut."

"Hey! Baby, that's not what I meant. I meant it's awful that anyone took advantage of you."

"Still. They always tell you, don't trust people you meet online, but- i did, Kurt. i did. i let Him..."

"Let him what?"

"i gave myself to Him. i just... agreed with everything He said." i'm not sure i'm explaining this right. On the surface, that doesn't sound to bed. Hey, it kind of sounds like what a submissive is supposed to do. Except that i was terrified to say no to Him. Except that i wound up lying to Him because of how frightened i was to disagree, even about the least little thing.

Kurt hesitates. "Did you ever meet him in real life?"

"Yes." i don't elaborate.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like i'm getting away with that. "And how was that?"

"i... Kurt, i..."

"What?"

i say, "The first time, He didn't show up. i walked nine miles from my house to meet Him for coffee, and he never turned up. It was snowing. When i got back to my house, He said He decided i was too fat for Him to claim, and i had to lose ten pounds before He would meet with me in person."

"Jesus Christ," Kurt swears, which is odd because i know for a fact he doesn't even believe in God.

"i did it in about a week."

"That's not healthy," he accuses.

"i know. But Sir turned up at my door the next day."

"And what happened?"

"He told me to get in the car." Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"And you did?"

"i did. 'm such an idiot. Such a dumb whore."

"Blaine-"

"He took me away. To His house. It was good at first, so good... but then He wouldn't let me leave." i sigh. "And it was just like it was online. He made me say such awful things about myself... things i didn't even believe. And about my dad, and my brother-"

"Like what?"

i shake my head. "i can't. Kurt, i can't."

"Shh. Okay." He strokes my hair. "Easy, baby. You don't have to. We'll get there."

"And it was bad enough when it was just typing it onto a screen, but when He was really there... and we started having sex right away, and i was a virgin, and He hurt me, Kurt, He really hurt me and i bled and then He- He beat me for bleeding on the sheets and... Oh, God, i miss Him. How fucking sick is that? i was in love with Him, Kurt. I loved Him. And He never said it back, and then He l-left me..."

Kurt doesn't say anything.

"Are you mad?" i whisper.

His eyes flash. "Not at you."

"Kurt, i didn't-"

"You were fourteen years old, Blaine. You were kidnapped and raped and abused, and somehow you think that just because your abuser seduced you online first, it's all your fault?"

"But i asked for it. i literally begged for it."

"For the sex? Why?"

"What?"

"Why did you beg for it, baby? Because you wanted it?" He hesitates. "It's okay if the answer is yet. I'm not going to... be disgusted, or hate you, or anything. I just want to know."

"i... He made me tell Him i loved Him. The very first chat we had online. And i thought..." Stupid. "i thought if i let Him fuck me, He would say it back."

"Oh, Blaine."

Now it looks like Kurt is about to cry. Which seems like it may actually be the worst thing ever. "i'm sor-" i catch myself. "How can i help? You look so upset."

"Will you come sit on my lap, sweetheart? I want to hold you."

That sounds very doable. Comfortable though it was on my knees, i am all too happy to settle in on his lap. He wraps his arms around my waist, rocking me gently back and forth. i snuggle into his chest and take a deep breath.

After a little while, he says, "How do you feel?"

i hesitate, not sure how to answer. "Safe," i finally settle on. "i feel... like it's safe to tell you these things. Like you aren't going to hate me. And i never thought i would have anyone i could say that about."

"You do," he assures me. "I'll get the whole story out of you, Blaine, but for now you just relax, okay? We both need a break."

i nod. "Thank you."

"Of course." He rubs one hand over my back. "You're shaking, baby."

"Y...yeah."

"Poor thing." He strokes the other hand across my cheek. "Blaine, have you ever told anyone anything about this before?"

"No." i close my eyes. "i was with Sir for four months. My parents were in Japan on business. They didn't even know i was gone. It was over summer, so there wasn't school. No one even knew i was gone."

"I'm sorry," Kurt tells me. "I don't know what else to say, baby, except that no one will ever do that again, okay? If you ever go missing, I will find you right away. I will know the second you're gone."

Gratefully, i nod. "Thank you, Kurt, thank you-"

"Shh. You're safe now. You're doing so well for me." The praise tapers off after a while, so i'm just resting in Kurt's lap, safe and sheltered.

When we're both calm, he helps me slide back to my knees.

"I don't want to talk about him anymore," Kurt announces. "I don't know quite everything I need to yet, but I want to talk about us for a little while."

"Okay," i agree. That shouldn't be too hard.

"Do you want me as your Dom?" he asks, and my eyes fill up with tears. "What is it, baby?"

"He never asked," i whisper. "He just... took. i thought... i thought no one would ever ask me. And after Him, i thought no one would ever want me. i thought i would never get a choice..."

"You have one now. And of course we'll still be friends, whatever you decide. You know that, right?"

"Yes."

"So?"

"Yes, Kurt. i'm saying yes. Yes, please, i want to be yours, please-"

"Good." And he smiles, so bright and beautiful i can't help but feel a little special. "You will be."

"Not yet?" i ask.

"No." Kurt strokes my cheek. "And not because I don't want you, sweetheart. But we have so much to figure out first." He smiles down at me. "You are so beautiful, Blaine. I want you so badly. But I don't just want you as a sub. I want you to be my boyfriend, too. Can you do that?"

"Kurt?"

He sighs, dropping off the chair and onto one knee next to me. He takes my hands. "Will you go out with me, Blaine?"

i hesitate. "But i-"

"I don't know what kind of ideas you got from that asshole, but they aren't mutually exclusive. I'm going to take care of you, I'm going to give you what you need, but I'd also like you to fall in love with me. I want there to be feelings, baby, and dinners out and prom and first kisses. I want to take this really slow, because it sounds to me like you never had that before. And when you're ready, when we're ready, I'll use you just the way you need."

There's a lump in my throat. i'm not sure what i'm feeling right now. It's like when i first met Sir online, before He started making me say those terrible things, before He ever hurt me.

It's relief.

"Please," i whisper. "Yes, please, Kurt."

He smiles gently at me. "Thank you."

"Whatever for?"

"For trusting me. For giving me a chance. I know it must be hard after what you went through, and I hope to prove to you that I deserve it... soon, and often."

i don't know what to say to that. Kurt watches me carefully for a moment.

"Blaine?"

i try to smile. It doesn't seem quite enough to express what i'm feeling. Not even relief, really. There's more than that. Hope for something good just starting. Happiness that someone wants me.

And the contentment of knowing that, at least for right now, i'm right where i belong.

"Are you crying, baby?"

i nod. "Good crying." It's just a few tears, really, leaking warm and painless from the corners of my eyes.

Kurt gathers me into his arms, hugging me close for a moment. He lets me cry for a few seconds. "I'm glad," he murmurs into my ear. "I'm glad you want this. I'm so, so sorry you were hurt so badly, but I'm so glad I'm here to help."

"Me too," i confess. "It's too much. Without anyone..."

"I can see that." He softly touches one of the burns on my neck. "Sweetheart, you don't have to do this anymore, okay? Not alone. I don't want you trying to punish yourself. It's dangerous, and I know for a fact you'll go further than I think is necessary. I meant it when I said you come to me." Kurt pulls me in closer and kisses the top of my head. "And I'll give you what you need."

"Thank you."

After another moment of holding me, he slides away and sits back in his chair.

"Now, you need a safeword, sweetheart. Given what happened, I'm planning to talk anything new we do over with you before we do it, but of course we need a back up plan in case something goes wrong."

i blink.

"What was your old one? We can use that, if you don't... y'know, have any negative associations."

"i... i didn't have one."

Kurt leaps to his feet. "Fucking shit," he hisses, which is kind of terrifying because he never swears and it's not just a bad word, he sounds genuinely really, really angry.

i flinch, and he immediately sighs.

"I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have-"

"Are... are you mad?"

"Yes, I'm fucking mad. But not at you. You aren't the goddamn rapist who abused a fourteen-year-old child and STILL has him completely under your power, convinced it was all okay in the guise of some fucking fantasy even though you had no way to say no, Blaine, you were just a little kid and I don't know how to do this." Kurt sighs, all the anger going out of him as he drops back into the chair. "I've never even had a boyfriend, much less a sub, and I'm fucking terrified, Blaine."

i look down at the ground. i knew this was coming.

"I want you so much. I have since the day I met you. And I feel like I'm further away, right now, than I ever have been."

He's going now. Stupid to hope.

"I'm only sixteen. How can I be what you need? How can I make this safe and healthy and good for both of us?"

If i wasn't so fucking broken. i should never have told him. i'm used goods, damaged goods, and he doesn't want a fucked up slut like me. He wants someone perfect and new and untouched, like him. i'll never be good enough.

"I'm just... I want this to be right. I want to fix you, to make you forget this ever happened, and I can't. I just can't- Oh, fuck, are you crying?"

i nod. "i'm sorry. Sorry. i'll go. You can f-forget this ever happened. Forget all about me."

"Blaine?"

"Should've known better than to think someone l-like you would want a stupid s-s-slut like me." i can hear my own voice shaking. "i'll go. i'll-" i start to stand.

"Don't you dare," Kurt says, and i nod.

"Right. Right." i crawl towards the door, backing away on my hands and knees.

"Fucking hell," he shouts. "Blaine, sit down on the chair."

"But i-"

"Now."

my legs shake as i obey.

"I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at the man who abused you. I'm sorry I let my anger get out of control, and I certainly don't intend to abandon you or decide not to keep you or whatever you're so damned scared of. Am I clear?"

"i don't-"

"There's no room for argument here. I'm going to have a bit of a learning curve on how to take good care of you, but I'm damn well going to get through it."

He's hovering over my lap by this point, his nose almost touching mine.

"Am I clear, boy?"

"Yes. Yes, si-"

He grabs the collar of my shirt and slams me back into the chair. "Never call me that. Never call me what you called him."

"i'm sorry, i didn't mean-"

"Shh." Kurt kisses my forehead. "My name is fine for right now, baby."

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy." He smiles, tilting my chin up so i'm looking him in the eye. "So, a safeword."

"Um. The general idea is that it's something you won't forget, right?"

"Yep. A short-ish word, something not bedroom-related." He keeps his hand in place so i can't break the eye contact.

"How about 'Dalton'?"

He nods. "That's a good idea, baby. And if you use it, you know I won't be upset or angry, right? We'll just stop, for a little while, maybe for the rest of the night. No consequences, no punishments."

"i understand."

"And I can use it too, okay? If I'm worried about you, if for whatever reason I need a break from being the Dom and I just need us to be equals for a while, I'll use the safeword. Hopefully that won't happen, though. I want to be there for you."

"Thank you," i whisper.

"Of course. You're a good boy, Blaine. You deserve this." He softly strokes my cheek. "Sweetheart, is it all right if I kiss you?"

i remember suddenly that Kurt's first kiss hadn't been consensual, and silently thank him for his thoughtfulness. "Yes."

Softly, sweetly, Kurt presses his lips to mine.

i shiver as he touches me. His lips are so soft and warm, his touch so gentle. Just the tip of his tongue traces over my lower lip, and i sigh into his mouth. Kurt settles into my lap for a better angle, letting his tongue slip into my mouth.

i don't know quite what to do here, so i just let him kiss me, moaning at the sweetness of it.

my lips are tingling, pleasantly sore, by the time he pulls away. He touches my lips with one fingertip. "Good?"

"Yes." i smile. "Perfect first kiss."

"You've never..."

i don't know how he'll react to this. "No, He never kissed me."

Kurt doesn't get angry, though. "Is it wrong if I'm glad, sweetheart? I want to have something that's just ours. Something that's never been forced on you, never hurt." He traces that finger from my mouth, up my cheek, until his whole hand is cupping my face. "Just for us, beautiful boy."

He kisses me again. This time, he's even more eager. He uses his tongue to guide mine into his mouth. After a second, i take the suggestion and start to explore. His mouth is so hot and soft, and he moans if i press my tongue right there. So of course, i do it again, and again, pausing only when he sucks my lip into his mouth and bites it gently, and then i lick into his mouth until he gasps into mine and-

Suddenly, i feel something hard pressing against my stomach. Kurt pulls away. "G-good boy."

He sounds a little shaky and i smile, satisfied at myself. i let my head fall against his shoulder, which only gives me a clearer view of the tent in his pants. "Would you like me to take care of that for you, Kurt?" i tease.

"No."

"What?" i blush at the rejection. i thought he would want...

He sighs. "And things were going so well." Leaning into me, putting his arms around my shoulders, Kurt murmurs into my ear, "I'm not ready for that yet. Okay? That's further than... and I'm just not ready for it. I need you to wait, baby, before we go any further. I don't know enough about sex to feel like I'm keeping you safe while we do it, and I will NOT do anything to you that isn't safe." He kisses me again, just a quick peck. "You are beautiful and incredibly sexy and of course I want you, Blaine. But I won't take you, not yet."

"But it's... it's my job, i'm your-" Looking down, i trail off. Kurt forces my face back up.

"My sub? Yes, you are. And it's your job to do what I tell you, sweetheart. Not what you think I want. Right now, what I'm telling you is 'not yet'."

"But i want to..."

"I know." He smiles at me. "You're a good boy, Blaine, and I know you want to please me. But there are ways to do that other than getting me off, and until i'm sure you believe that, we're not going there. Am I clear?"

i nod. "Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy."

For a brief second, i feel like i've failed- until he kisses me, and then it's all better.

In Kurt's arms, with Kurt's lips on mine, it's impossible to feel anything less than beautiful... anything less than good.

He stands, looking at the clock on the far wall. "Just after noon. Are you hungry, baby?"

i realize i didn't eat breakfast. "Yes, Kurt."

"All right. I'm going to go and get us some lunch. You stay here... wait." He rustles around on the desk, retrieving a pen and a piece of notebook paper. "I want you to make a list of all the things you did with him, okay? All the things you've done before. And make a little star next to them if it's something you liked, an x if you don't want to ever do it again, and leave it blank if you're not sure or if you want to talk about it. Is that clear?"

i nod.

He kisses me. "Good boy. I'll be right back."

i watch him leave, and then turn to my piece of paper.

i don't know what to do.

The paper is so very blank, so white. It looks like an enemy. What do i put here? What do i say? i don't want to scare Kurt off. i don't want to disgust him or overwhelm him or even let him realize what i am.

God, i'm worthless. i'm a stupid whore who got myself in a bad situation because i wanted to be, i wanted to be used and abused but i was too dumb to understand how much it would hurt. And then i didn't know how to leave, i didn't know how to get myself out. i have no one but myself to blame.

Kurt's going to figure it out. He's just a kid, and i was nice to him so he's a little enamoured with me, but when he realizes i can't be what he wants, he'll be gone.

He's going to leave me. Just like Sir did. And i'll be all alone again, a worthless slut no one even wants to use, not even good enough to fuck, and i don't know if i can take that now.

Becuase i believe that Kurt doesn't want to hurt me. He's not acting like he does. i honestly think he does want to take care of me, but the thing is i'm not sure he's going to.

i think, sooner or later, he'll realize that i can't be what he wants. He'll realize i'm used, damaged, broken and i wasn't that great to start off with.

The door creaks open. "I have sandwhiches and- Oh, baby."

i look up suddenly. "I'm sorry, i meant to write, i didn't-"

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"i should've done what you said, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, don't go-"

"Hey." He crosses over to me, putting the tray of food down next to the tear-stained sheet of paper. "Come here, Blaine."

i let him hug me.

"What are you so upset about?"

"i can't, Kurt, i'm sorry, i can't-"

"Shh." He kisses my forehead. "Listen to me, Blaine. It's all right that you couldn't do what I told you to, and I'm not angry. I shouldn't have left you alone when you were already upset. Why were you crying, baby?"

"i thought..." i hesitate, before remembering- Never lie to Sir, not ever. "i'm so sorry, Kurt, i'm sorry, i thought you wouldn't like what i said, i thought you'd l-l-leave m-"

He nods. "That's what I thought." Running his hands down my back, he murmurs, "All right, baby. Bend over the bed."

"Kurt?"

"Bend over the bed." He frowns. "Or do you want to disobey me again?"

"N-no." i do as he says, stretching my hands out over the bed, leaning so my ass is pushed out by the mattress.

"Good." Suddenly, Kurt's hands are undoing the zipper of my pants, pulling them down so my pants pool around my knees. He runs a hand over my ass, possesively stroking my bare skin. "Since this is new to us, sweetheart, I'm going to explain to you what's happening. I'm going to spank you."

i whimper.

"Hey. Hey, Blaine, there's nothing to be scared of. Yes, it will hurt. But it should be well within what you can take, and if it's not, you have your safeword, which I promise I will respect." His rubbing moves up, from my ass to the small of my back. "And if you need to use it, the scene will be over, and you'll be forgiven, baby. Just like you will be if you're comfortable letting me go through with your punishment."

A little bit of my nervousness is gone now, although i honestly can't imagine STOPPING a Dom mid-scene.

"Do you understand why I'm punishing you, Blaine?"

"N...no," i admit, voice trembling.

"Shh. That's all right, baby. I'm upset, not because you didn't do what I asked, but because you got so worried. I told you I would take care of you, and that doesn't include running away at the first opportunity. If this is going to work, you have to trust me. When you don't trust me, I need to demonstrate the consequences... but also that you're safe. This is what happens when you do something I don't like, Blaine. I punish you, and then I forgive you. I don't leave. I don't abandon you. Is that clear?"

"Yes," i agree.

"Good. I also told you that I would spank you if you said you were sorry again, and you did. And I intend to keep my promises." He bends over to kiss the nape of my neck, then straightens up. "Are you all right to be exposed like this?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Beautiful," he praises, and i shiver. "I'm going to spank you twenty times. Just my hand, okay? And I want you to keep count for me... Don't say anything else, just keep count. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy." He brings his hand down once.

"One." It barely hurts, just the tiniest little sting. i've had punishments so much worse.

Another one, a bit harder.

"Two."

The third time, he swings with enough force i can hear the slap his hand makes against my flesh. "Three."

Kurt rubs the red mark that must have left with his hand before hitting me again. "Four."

The next three are fast and hard, each one jerking me into the bed with raw force. "Five. Six. Seven."

He pauses again, giving me a moment to think about my smarting skin and, more than that, why.

He isn't angry i didn't do what he said, which seems strange. What he wants is trust. He wants me to trust him to stay with me, to take care of me.

i'm not sure i can, not yet.

"Eight!" comes out of nowhere, and i gasp out the number in surprise. "Nine." That's slower, gentler, a tap more than a blow.

"Ten!" And back to hard, the same fast pattern, slapping new parts of my skin. "Eleven. Twelve! Thirteen! Fourteen! Fiftee-oh!"

When i break off into a gasp, Kurt relents, rubbing my ass again. "Shh. Almost there, my boy. Five more."

i nod, and he smacks me with all his strength. i swear the sound is audible across the hall.

"Sixteen."

He hits me twice, lightly stinging, across each cheek. "Seventeen. Eighteen."

And then slowly, somehow, but with force. i feel like it will bruise. "Nineteen."

The last slap is right across the middle, where the most have already landed, so it's the worst. "Twenty!"

Of course, it's nothing like the pain i've experienced in the past, but it's still pretty bad. There are tears in my eyes, and it's only just started. i don't know what he'll do to me now, but-"

"Good boy," Kurt murmurs. "Here." He pulls my boxers up. "Let's leave your pants for now. They might hurt your skin."

"Kurt?"

"Are you feeling all right?"

"Kurt, what-"

"Shh." He kisses me as he helps me stand. "You did very well, Blaine. I'm proud of you."

"Th...that's it?"

He sighs. "Yes. That's it. You didn't... you didn't do anything too terrible. And now it's over, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good boy. Now, you lie down on the bed."

Maybe he really got off on spanking me? That might explain why it was so short. He just can't contain himself-

And then Kurt is sliding into bed next to me with the plate of food.

"Here." He takes a grape, pressing it against my lips. Gratefully, i take the morcel of food, kissing at his fingertips.

Kurt smiles at me.

"Good boy."

He feeds me like that- pieces of sandwhich, grapes, even sips of water, as he eats. When the plate is empty, he asks, "Are you feeling all right?"

"Y-yes."

"Does your butt hurt?"

i nod. "Stings, really."

"Bad?"

"No." i smile. "i kind of like it."

He smiles back. "That's kind of the point."

Laying the plate aside, Kurt kisses my forehead and gathers me into his arms.

"So, how bad was the spanking, pain-wise? Scale of one to ten."

i consider briefly. "About a two."

"Emotionally, how do you feel?"

i shrug. "Relieved, i guess? i've been waiting to fuck up, and i finally did. And it wasn't so bad."

The look on Kurt's face is indescribable. i literally cannot put words to how happy he looks. "So it helped. I helped."

"Yes."

"That's exactly what I want." Kurt lets me roll onto my side, head on his chest, so my stinging ass isn't pressed into the sheets. "That's what I want to give you."

"i feel..." i hesitate. "Like it's... like it's safe to make mistakes? Like you'll punish me, but you'll..."

"I'll forgive you." He hugs me closer. "I'll forgive you, Blaine. Okay? Always. Anything. I may have to punish you first, my beautiful boy, but I will always forgive you."

i lay against Kurt's chest for quite a while. i don't quite doze off, but i don't try to keep my eyes open either. i feel so safe in this moment, so warm and loved.

Kurt brushes a stray curl off my forehead. "Your hair looks really good curly."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't lie to you, baby."

i smile. "i know."

He kisses my cheek. "You're gorgeous."

"Th-thank you." i know better than to argue with him about that. He curls his arm around my shoulders protectively, letting me relax against his chest. i listen to his heartbeat. His chest moves up and down under my head. i don't know how long we stay like that. For all i know, it's hours. At some point, when i've been lulled almost into a trance by listening to the steady beat of Kurt's heart, he stirs.

"Okay, baby?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good." He's smiling again. He has a beautiful smile. "You ready to get up?"

"Not really."

He laughs. "You looked pretty comfy."

i nod. "Yes, Kurt."

"I'm glad. I was worried that I would scare you when I punished you. I'm glad I didn't."

"i'm fine." For once in my life, it's not a lie.

"I can see that." He touches my face softly. "But I asked you to make that list for a reason, baby. It's going to be the beginning of our contract. I want to know what I can and can't do without hurting you, I have to be sure, or this won't work."

i don't know what to say. He doesn't want me to apologize, but it seems like i really fucked up-

"So we'll make it together. C'mon."

i follow him as he strides to the desk, kneeling back on my pillow. He smiles.

"Good boy."

With an affectionate hand on my shoulder, Kurt settles into his own chair, pulling out the pencil and paper. "Do you want to start with things you like, or things you don't?"

"Kurt?"

Patiently, he explains, "I'm making two columns. Things you've done before that you want to be a part of our relationship, and things you've done before that are a definite now. Then I'll make my own list, and between the two we'll figure out what goes in as a hard limit, what we can play around with as long as you're feeling confident that day, things we can use as punishments, and what we both enjoy. Okay?"

i nod. "i... i can try."

Kurt keeps his hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently but firmly. "Okay?" he asks again.

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good." He smiles. "Sorry, I know I'm getting a bit repetitive. I just want to make sure you're getting what you need, baby."

"i know. Thank you."

"Welcome." He runs his fingers across my neck, and i shiver. "Do you like that, sweetheart?"

"Y-yes."

"Did you wear a collar? With him, I mean."

i shake my head. "i wanted one. He... He said i could beg for it, but he never let me have one."

Kurt sighs.

"i'm-" Then i cut off. "i mean, um..."

"It's all right, baby. You know I'm not upset with you, right?"

"i do." i pause as an idea occurs to me. This morning, i never would have suggested something so completely... forward. But now i feel like, even if Kurt doesn't agree, he won't be angry. "Is there something you could do, like a signal, or just telling me, or something... so if you are mad at me, i'll know? Instead of just, like, being mad about... wh-what He did..."

As i trail off, Kurt squeezes my shoulder in comfort. "That's a great idea, Blaine."

"You- you really think so?"

"Yeah. Here, I'll jot it down under rules. 'If Kurt is angry at Blaine, he will say so clearly before initiating any chastisement, lecture, discipline or punishment. Unless he does so, Blaine will assume that any demeanor indicating anger is not directed at him, and that he is not to apologize or feel guilt.' Good?"

"Thank you."

"Of course. Sorry if that sounds a little stiff, baby. I just want to start getting things down so we can formalize everything. I want to make sure we're doing it right."

"Okay."

"So, we were talking about collars. Is that something you'd like?"

i stare up at him. "What?"

"Would you be interested in me collaring you, Blaine? Not immediately, but once we've negotiated the contract and played a little bit? I want to know if that's something we're working towards."

i don't know what to say. i don't know if there are words to thank him for what he's doing for me.

i never thought anyone would want me like this. Not just as a sub... he wants to collar me. i never thought i would be good enough for that. To really belong to someone, especially someone as kind and beautiful as Kurt...

"Please," i manage, my voice shaking.

"That's a yes, then." He doesn't ask me to elaborate, and i'm grateful for that. "So. Spanking is okay?"

"Yes." i nod. "It's definitely not a limit, or anything. Um, sometimes i enjoy it, if..."

He understands, by some miracle. "You'd like it if I took you over my knee and let you rub into my lap, wouldn't you?"

i blush. "Y...yes..."

"And you like knowing that I'll punish you if you need it, but you don't actually get off on pain."

i guess that's about right. i've never really gotten the opportunity to think too much about what i do or don't enjoy before this. "Think so."

"We'll play around a little bit at some point. Not as punishment, just to find out where good turns into bad. Okay?"

"Of course." Is it sick if i'm a little relieved that i'm going to have to do something i don't want to? Because i know how to deal with that. i know how to prove to a Dom how much pain i can take, how to be good while being beaten and whipped and burned. It's all this other stuff, all the contracts and safewords and snuggling and collars i don't know how to deal with.

"What about other kinds of pain? If I wanted to use my belt, say, or a paddle, or a cane?"

i hesitate. "i, um, i used to... even before i met Sir, i used to... um, masturbate. Thinking about being wh-whipped."

Kurt doesn't appear to think that's disgusting. "Okay. So it could be good?"

"On the list of things to explore?"

"Yeah." Kurt is now stroking my hair softly. "What about sex?"

"What?"

"Is that a limit for you, sweetheart?"

i realize, suddenly, what he means. It's hard for me to believe he's genuinely saying this, offering me this. A relationship, precisely what i need, a Dom and a boyfriend and a best friend all rolled into one, and i'm not even expected to pay it back. "No," i tell him. "Of course not. i'd like..." i hesitate, not wanting to make him sad or upset. But i should be honest with him. "i've heard it can be really good. i'd like to find out how that feels."

Kurt swallows his reaction. "So that goes on the same list. What have you done that you didn't like, baby?"

"Um. N-needles. i'm scared of needles, and Sir loved to-" Tie me up, blindfold me, and pierce me again and again, leaving me all bound up with needles in my skin-

"Okay. No needleplay."

"N...no... oh, i don't know what it's called. Anything with..." i pause. "He used to tie me to the bed and leave me there for ages. i would p...pee myself, and i wouldn't be able to get up and change. Or sometimes he would pee on me." The memory is disgusting, the smell of it still seeping into my skin as i think of it.

"That's called watersports. And that's not too appealing to me either."

"Nothing with other people, okay?" i know that's a lot to ask. "i know that usually, the Dom doesn't have to... but i'd like us to be... exclusive. And no one else... y'know, in our scenes. i think... i think i can trust you, Kurt, but i don't want to have to trust anyone else, and-"

"This is one of those times when I'm not mad at you," Kurt hisses, his voice low and dangerous. "I've got that written down, and I agree it's a good rule, and I promise we'll get back to our contract in a minute. But first answer me this question. He SHARED you?"

i nod. "With His friends, and their friends. They had to pay Him..."

Kurt shakes my shoulder, forcing me to look up at him. "He whored you out."

Now i'm ashamed. "Y...yes."

"You were fourteen years old and he sold your body to his fucking friends?"

"i didn't... i'm sorry..." Tears leak out of my eyes, and i try desperately to look away from Kurt's burning stare. "i'm sorry, i couldn't leave. i tried, i tried, i'm sorry i'm so dirty, such a filthy whore-"

And then Kurt is kneeling by my side, wrapping his arms around me. "I didn't mean to use that word, baby. I don't think you're dirty. Shh."

"You don't?"

"No. I think the only dirty thing about this situation is him. I think he's disgusting and evil, and I wish you'd never met him." Kurt rocks me back and forth. "But, like you said, there's no one else now. It's just us. And I would never do that to you. I'm sorry he did, but you're safe now. You're with me, and I promise I'll never treat you like that. When we do make love, it'll be special. You'll give yourself to me, just me, and I swear I will treasure that like the precious, precious gift it's going to be." He kisses my hair. "My precious boy."

i shudder in his arms, until the horror subsides a little. i still feel so disgusting every time i think about what i did, what i let Him make me do.

But it seems like Kurt isn't angry, like he isn't judging me or hating me for what i did.

"Kurt, i didn't want it. You know that, right? i never... never..."

He sighs. "I know, sweetheart. Shh. I know." He kisses me gently, lips lingering on mine. Happily, i let my lips fall open. He breathes my name against my mouth, and i whimper happily. "Good boy. You're a good boy. You're brave-" He kisses my cheek. "And beautiful-" the other one- "And so, so strong-" my forehead- "And I'm so glad you're mine." He kisses me, mouth to mouth, passionately. Kurt bites my bottom lip and i moan into his mouth, letting him kiss me, letting him claim what's his.

He pulls away after a moment, when my lips are bruised from his teeth and tongue.

"So hot," he praises me softly, stroking my hair. "You're so gorgeous, baby boy."

i whimper as Kurt pulls away. He smiles down at me.

"Here. Up against my leg."

He lets me settle against him, my head in his lap. i smile as his hand comes to rest on my cheek, stroking my skin softly.

"Do you like this, baby?"

"Yes. So much." Quietly, i admit, "i wish i could do this forever."

Kurt pets my hair. "Whenever you want, okay? You just tell me, and we can stay like this for a while."

i smile. "Thank you. But i'm okay to talk, if you wanted to keep working on the list."

"Yeah, let's do that," Kurt agrees. "Anything else you don't want?"

"Um... i think... well..." i hesitate. "i know this is a lot to ask. But if... if you tie me up, or... or something... would you promise..."

"Go on, sweetheart," he encourages. "If I say no, I say no. I promise I won't be mad."

"Stay?" i ask, my voice breaking. "Promise you'll at least stay in the room, stay nearby? So i don't... So if something bad happens, i'll be able to get you."

"Of course, Blaine."

"And... and you'll let me out if i use the safeword? Always?"

"Yes." He doesn't ask me why, doesn't start worrying about me. Kurt just promises, quietly, "You have my word."

i smile up at him. "Thank you."

"Now, let's look on the plus side. You have to have enjoyed some of the things you did with him, right?"

"Yes," i admit.

"Okay. What are some of those things?"

i don't want to tell him this. i'm worried he'll think i'm sick or perverted, that he won't want the things i do.

"Just tell me, baby. I promise I won't be mad."

"i like this. Being on my knees, with you here... it makes me feel safe."

Kurt pets my hair. "Good. I like this too."

"Um. i like.... i like being tied up. And g-gagged."

He nods. "Okay. We can do that. You'd have to have a safe signal, so I'd know to stop if you needed it.

"All right."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah." i hide my face against his lap. "i like being... um... i like..."

"What, sweetheart?"

"F-fucked. i like being... i don't know how to explain..."

He pets me soothingly. "Whenever you're ready, baby."

"i like being used. For... for someone else's pleasure. i really like knowing... that i've pleased..."

"I understand." He pulls my face up so we make eye contact. "We're not there just yet, but I understand. And there's nothing wrong with it. Do you believe that, Blaine? It's okay to want this. It's okay to want me."

i whimper and bury my face back in his leg.

Kurt tugs me back up. "Something wrong?"

"i... i do want it. So badly."

He smiles at me. "And that's good, baby. That's a good thing."

"So you want me?" i nuzzle into his leg, running my face up his thigh so i'm hovering over his crotch.

He pulls me away. "Not yet. Just be patient, sweetheart. Can you do that for me?"

"But why?"

His smile is sad. "I told you already. I don't ever want to harm you, and I can't promise that I won't if we have sex, Blaine. I don't know what I'd be doing, fuck, I don't even watch porn once they get into the sex scenes, and I'm terrified of hurting you. Your first time was rape, Blaine. Even if you don't realize that yet... And I hope you will, someday. Because you were fourteen years old, and he had no right to touch you that way. I don't want to make that mistake, make you feel like that again. I want us to take things slow."

"But..."

"What is it?"

"But why would you want me, if we're not having sex?"

He blinks. "Baby?"

"If... if you're not using me, why would... why would you want me?"

There is a long silence. i bite back the gut reaction of apologizing and begging for forgiveness. When he doesn't say anything even after that, i look up to decide if he's mad.

Kurt is crying.

i want to comfort him, but he ordered me onto my knees and i won't disobey him. So i nuzzle into his stomach, kissing the first bit of him my lips reach, and smile when his hand moves, by reflex, to my hair. He pets me gently, but i can still feel his sharp contracts of breath.

"Kurt?"

He doesn't answer.

"Kurt, i didn't mean to make you sad." i carefully avoid a direct apology. "i wish you wouldn't be."

"Oh, sweetheart..."

"Is there... is there anything i can do?" i know he doesn't want sex, but maybe there's something else that would please him? i don't know what that would be, but maybe he can tell me...

"No, beautiful boy." He isn't crying anymore, but his face is blotched and there is a tear on his cheek.

"Why did you... what did i do to upset you?"

"You're such a good boy, Blaine," he tells me quietly, earnestly. "You're gorgeous and obedient and such a natural, beautiful sub. It breaks my heart that you don't see that, sweetheart. It's just... Okay. Will you promise to listen to me? To believe this one thing?"

"Yes?"

"Submitting isn't all about sex. Belonging to someone... baby, I've always wanted so much more than that from you. I want you to get on your knees out of love, not lust. Which doesn't mean sex can't be wonderful and safe and mutually pleasurable, because it can be, it will be for us. But it's so fucking obvious you aren't ready."

"Yes, i am," i argue, shifting my head just that quarter of an inch so that my breath ghosts over his crotch. He shivers in reaction, but twists in the seat so we're no longer in the more sexual position.

"No, you're not, baby. And part of being in a D/s relationship means I get to tell you that, sweetheart. I decide when you're ready."

"Kurt, i-"

"If I told you to suck me off, right now, would you do it?" he asks suddenly.

"Yes, Kurt."

"Whether or not you felt like it? Whether or not you were turned on?"

"Yes," i murmur.

"So you agree that I get to decide when we have sex?"

"Yes, of course-"

"And I'm deciding not yet."

Frustrated, i begin, "But then-"

"It breaks my heart that you think I could never want you for anything more than a fast, easy orgasm, Blaine. You don't even know how badly that hurts. That's why I was crying, baby. And I know that you're mine, mine to use however I want. But I don't want that, not when... not when you can't even see why it would be wrong."

"Kurt..."

He guides me to rest against him again. "No sex, baby. Not yet. Not because I don't want you, but because I don't want to hurt you."

He sounds so clear and firm that i bite my lip instead of trying to argue.

"Right now, I want you to focus on this list, okay?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"What else do you like?"

i smile as he plays with my hair. "i like it when you pet me."

"Mm. Me too."

"And... and when you held me, after..."

"After I spanked you?'

i blush, surprised at how blase he sounds.

"I did too."

"i like orders," i admit. "i like... having very specific things to do. Being told what's right and what's wrong, what Si- what you want and what you don't."

i let my eyes flit up to see if Kurt's angry. He obviously caught my slip, but he doesn't react. "That we can definitely work with. Anything else?"

"Sometimes..." i let my voice drop. "Sometimes, when i was really good, He'd let me sleep in bed with Him. He'd tie me to the frame and hold me and we'd fall asleep like that... and i felt so safe."

"Where did you sleep the rest of the time?" Kurt demands.

"He got me a cage." i shrug. "Not too bad, but i didn't really like that, in case you need to jot it down."

"I can't believe how calm you are about all this," he hisses.

"What choice do i have?" i shrug. "i was calm when it was happening. And in memory, it just doesn't seem so bad."

"It is," Kurt mutters, but doesn't get sidetracked again. "What about temperature play?'

"Huh?"

"Like... ice, wax, that kind of thing."

"Scary," i say, my gut reaction before i can be embarassed.

"Never done it before?"

"No."

"i'll put it on the list of things to try, then. Okay?"

"Sure."

"What about dildoes?"

i shrug. "Just don't put one in me and then leave, okay?"

"Okay. Blindfolds?"

i nod. "Definitely a reward."

"You like that?"

"A lot. Especially if i'm tied up." And since when is it so easy to talk like that.

"All right." Kurt smiles at me. "I think we've done enough talking for today, baby. Do you agree?"

i nod.

"Good boy. Up."

i stand and follow him to the small closet in the back of the room.

He reaches up for a small cardboard box. "I'll have to go shopping soon, now that I finally have someone to use this stuff on. But here."

He takes out a pair of padded leather cuffs and a red ball gag.

"You never know when you'll need them, right?" Kurt says. "Actually, Santana got me the cuffs as a gag gift, but I decided they might come in handy." He looks straight at my face. "Are you okay with me gagging you?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good. I'm going to cuff your hands in front. If you need to safeword, just tap my hip twice, okay? And I'll let you out so we can talk."

"i will," i assure him, since it's obvious he's concerned.

"Good boy." Kurt hugs me for a second, kissing the top of my head. Then he releases me, taking a step back. He lays the cuffs down for a second and undoes the buckle on the gag. "Kiss me," he orders softly, and i obey, pressing my lips to his. He takes my mouth, hard, his tongue tracing along the length of mine. He moans quietly, then pulls away again. "Open your mouth."

i feel slightly stupid doing so.

Kurt slips the gag into my mouth, pressing the red ball behind my teeth. i choke a little bit on the taste of the rubber, but then i've adjusted. Kurt's hands pull the straps around the back of my head, snapping the buckle shut so the gag is in place. "Feel secure?" he asks.

i nod.

"Good boy. Hands." i pull my hands out in front of my body as Kurt bends to get the cuffs. He carefully closes them around my wrists. The leather is tight, but not uncomfortable.

It feels sort of good, actually. Safe, i guess.

Kurt pulls me along by my shoulder so we're on his bed. "Lie down."

i do, settling into his side. He holds me gently.

Kurt smiles. "Want to watch a movie?"

i nod. He pulls his laptop off the bedside table, one-handed.

"Moulin Rouge?"

i nod again.

"Good boy." He cues up the movie, and let my head fall onto his shoulder.

A growl from my stomach wakes me up. As i blink, i realize the light streaming through his window is gone... it's nighttime.

i fell asleep somewhere between the pirated Broadway video of RENT and The Sound of Music.

"Hi, sweetheart," Kurt says. "Have a nice nap?"

i nod, the action letting me cuddle even further into his chest. Kurt smiles.

"It's about ten o'clock. The cafeteria is only open for another half-hour. We should get going."

He runs his fingers along the outline of the gag in my cheek.

"I wish I didn't have to let you out. You look so beautiful like this."

i would smile at the praise, but the rubber in my mouth prevents it.

"All right, baby. It's coming off." He places one hand on my head to steady me, the other undoing the gag. He pulls the ball out of my mouth, laying it on top of a tissue on the bedside table, and then wipes the spit off of the corners of my mouth. "You all right?"

"Yeah," i say, my voice sounding oddly raspy.

"Here." He pulls a glass of water i hadn't noticed before off the bedside table and presses it to my lips, helping me take a few sips. Then he rummages around for chapstick, which he also applies for me. Only then does he undo the leather straps around my wrists. He rubs my hands gently in his, until some of the feeling returns to them. "Try to make your hands into fists."

i do, awkwardly but successfully.

"Good." Kurt gathers me in his arms, kissing my forehead. "I'm going to have it be your job to clean up the toys, okay? But we'll go get you some food first."

"Yes, Kurt."

"C'mon." He hands me my Dalton blazer so my wrists will be covered, and then takes my hand. We go down to the cafeteria together. The place is almost deserted, but the last of the late-night snacks are still out. i take an apple.

Kurt frowns. "Baby, you need to eat more than that."

"But i..."

"Seriously, all you had all day was a sandwich."

"i need to lose some weight."

Kurt crosses his arms. "No, you don't."

i shrug and start towards a table.

Kurt grabs my wrist, pressing down a little on the marks from the cuffs. "Stay," he orders, and i freeze. He takes two boxes of cereal and two cartons of milk, an orange, and a bag of almonds off the shelf. "Come on."

i follow him to a table.

"Sit."

i risk a glance up at him, and he smiles at me, sliding one of the things of cereal, some milk, a bowl, a spoon, and the almonds over at me. "Eat."

"Kurt, i-"

"This is not up for discussion, baby. You have had a very long day, and if we're going to have any fun tomorrow, you need to eat something resembling a meal."

i look down. "But once i get fat-"

"You are not going to get fat. Look, I worry about my pear hips as much as anyone, but I heard your stomach grumbling. You need to eat." He reaches across the table to tilt my chin up. "That's an order, Blaine."

i nod. "Y-yes, Kurt."

"Good boy." He watches, arms crossed, as i pour the milk and cereal into the bowl and start to eat. Only then does he start in on his own food.

The meal is silent at first, but not awkward. After a while, i say, "So, tomorrow?"

"Yes?"

"You said fun. What's fun?"

He smiles. "We have rehearsal."

"i know."

"So we'll get to tell everyone that we're together. i'm kind of looking forward to that."

"Really?" i wouldn't think anyone would want to brag about being with me.

"Yeah. I'm proud that you're mine. And before you freak out, I won't tell them any more than that we're dating, okay?"

"Okay." i pause. "Kurt, am... am i allowed to tell people?"

"What?"

"That you're my... i mean, that i'm yours. i don't know if i will, just that..."

He waits patiently for me to continue.

"Sir didn't let me tell anyone. Not even my best friend. He... he punished me when she asked. And i just... it made me feel like He was ashamed of me..."

Kurt nods solemnly. "I'm glad you told me, Blaine. You can tell anyone you want, as long as you're smart about it. I trust you not to get us in trouble at school."

"Of course," i assure him.

He squeezes my knee under the table as i return to my food. "Other than the rehearsal, I don't have any plans. We might go out in the evening. Have dinner. Would you like that, Blaine?"

There is a loud clatter as my hand, my whole body, tenses, and my spoon falls to the floor.

i can just hear Kurt's voice over the roaring panic in my ears. "Blaine? Blaine, baby? Beautiful, what's wrong? Look at me. Fuck, baby, look at me."

i whimper and try to pull away from him.

"Blaine, please, sweetheart... you're scaring me..."

i duck my head into my chest so he can't force me to look at him.

"Please, baby? Please? Tell me what's wrong."

"i'm so stupid," i sob feebly.

"Baby boy, why would you-"

"i could have just said n-no..."

Suddenly, Kurt's arms are wrapped around me, holding me tight against the back of the chair. "Blaine. Tell me what's wrong."

Quietly, eyes squeezed shut, i do. "It was... it was one of the first things He ever..." i take a deep breath. "It was before i met him in real life. He told me He wanted me to meet Him downtown. Somewhere with tablecloths. He said He wanted me to get under the table and suck His cock. He said He would come on my face, so everyone would know what a whore i was. And then He asked me if i wanted that."

Kurt squeezes me reassuringly.

"And i... i said... i said yes, Kurt. And it was a lie, it wasn't true, but i was so afraid He w-wouldn't want me that i said yes even though i didn't mean it and i'm such a stupid, stupid whore... i wish you would stop saying He raped me, Kurt, because He didn't. i didn't have to say yes. i didn't have to get up and walk seven miles to meet Him downtown even though i didn't want to. i didn't have to wait for hours while He never showed up and then go home feeling worthless when i should have felt relieved because i wasn't ready, i wasn't, and i could have just s...said it..." At this point, i'm crying to hard to get any more words out.

"Shh," Kurt whispers into my ear. "Shh. I've got you. Shh."

"Kurt, please-"

i don't even know what i'm asking for.

"Shh. Good boy." He kisses my forehead. "There are people here. They're staring. I want you to get up and follow me back to the room. Bring the almonds and the apple, you'll finish eating later. We need to talk."

i nod and obey.

Kurt doesn't say a word until we're safely back in the room. He closes the door, and starts to lock it, but stops when i flinch. He sighs. "Blaine, if you don't want to be here, you can leave. You know that, right?"

"But i..."

"I'm not saying I want you to. I'm saying you are free to go, baby."

"i don't want..."

"Good." He smiles, but it looks horribly forced. "I want you to listen to this, okay? I really... I need you to listen to what I'm saying. Even if you're not ready to believe it... I'm going to ask you to listen, Blaine."

"Okay," i manage.

"You obviously don't understand how consent works, baby."

"i-"

"Don't interrupt, sweetheart. I'm talking now, and I'll tell you when you're allowed to speak again."

i bite my lip and nod.

"Good boy." He smiles at me. "You need to listen to this. It's important, okay? You think that you were a willing party in what he did to you. And that's just not true. I think you recognize that what happened is wrong, because you keep saying that it's disgusting, that you're sorry. Am I right?"

i nod.

"But you don't blame him for it. You think of yourself as a participant, and you were a victim. Blaine, you were taken advantage of. And it's awful, what happened to you. But just because you didn't run screaming the moment you started to feel uncomfortable doesn't mean you gave consent. First of all, one would hope that your Dom would be able to recognize when you're uncomfortable with something. Second... Blaine, you told me what happened, when he raped you. Don't argue with me," he says when i start to open my mouth. "Don't even talk. He manipulated you into agreeing and then made you bleed." He pauses. "Blaine, you can answer this question, but you have to answer it honestly. Did you ever tell him no?"

"Yes, i did."

"Did he stop?"

"No. But isn't that the point?"

"What?"

"The point. You know. Of... of being a Dom. You get to decide when to stop..."

"Yeah. If you're using a fucking safeword, and you know you aren't harming your sub by continuing."

"i-"

Kurt says, gently, "Baby, let me explain this to you. We have a safeword because it can be an instinct to shout 'no' or 'stop' if you're in pain, and I may, someday, want to take you past that point. If I ignore the safeword- which I swear I will never, ever do- pain becomes abuse and sex becomes rape. And if we didn't have a safeword, the same thing happens the moment you tell me to stop."

That can't be right. That means i could make Kurt stop whenever i wanted. That isn't how it's supposed to work.

"And on top of that, you were fourteen. That means you were underage, and having sex with you was rape."

"i-"

"End of discussion. I know you don't believe that, Blaine. I know that. But it's true. And I promise... I'll go as slow as I have to. I'll show you how it's supposed to be. And sooner or later, you'll realize how wrong what he did to you was." Kurt softly touches the side of my face. "Beautiful, I would be honored if you would come to dinner with me tomorrow night. Because you're my boyfriend, and I want to go on a nice date with you. But if it makes you uncomfortable, or you just don't want to, or you have too much homework, or anything else, you can say no. And I won't get angry, I won't hurt you or abandon you. I'll still want to be with you and I'll still want to be your Dom. Do you believe that?"

i nod quickly.

"When I ask you a question, it's because I want the answer, baby. If I want you to tell me something in particular, I'll just ask you to. But if I ask, it's not a trick question. Just... just a regular one." He manages a smile. "I hope that makes sense, sweetheart."

i nod again.

"Good. Finish your dinner, baby." He hands me the food, and i eat, happy to be here on my knees.

When i'm finished eating, Kurt turns back to me- he'd been casually working on some homework. i smile and lean forward against his leg. "Tired, sweetheart?" he asks.

"Yes, Kurt."

"I bet you are. You've had a hell of a day, my boy."

i nod my agreement. When i woke up this morning, i was expecting to have breakfast while awkwardly flirting with Kurt, work on homework, practice my solo for the Warblers, and go to bed early. i certainly didn't expect this.

"Go to your room and brush your teeth and change, then come back here."

"Yes, Kurt."

He smiles at me and i stand up and leave. i rush through getting ready for bed, because i know if i don't i'll have a break down.

There's so much to think about, so much to worry about. How will i make this work? How will i even begin to be good enough for him, when he's not letting me do any of the things i used to do for Sir? How will i make him happy enough to keep me?

i can't do this now. i just have to get ready to go.

i change into a pair of pajama pants and a tight white t-shirt, hoping that's what he meant by changing. Then i go back to his room. i knock on the door, not wanting to barge in in case he sent me away because he wanted some privacy.

Kurt opens the door. "Come on in."

Right away, he wraps his fingers around mine, holding my hand tightly.

"Are you ready to go to sleep, baby?"

"Yeah."

He smiles at me. "Come on, beautiful." He leads me to the bed. "Lie down."

i obey, looking up expectantly. i'm a little nervous about having sex with Kurt- not because i'm worried about the pain, i know i can take that, but what if he doesn't like it? i feel like i've fucked everything up all day long, like he keeps getting angry and i don't know why, and if i'm not good enough at being fucked i know he'll leave, i know he'll break things off and i'll be alone again...

"Good night, sweetheart." He kisses me gently, reaching up to turn off the lamp, and then lies down next to me.

"Kurt?"

"We're going to sleep."

"But..."

"What?" he sighs.

"But i'm in the bed."

"Yeah. That's where you're sleeping."

"In your bed?"

"Well, it's a weekend. They don't exactly do bed checks."

"But i'm..."

He pulls me close to him in the dark. "Sweetheart, did he not let you share his bed?"

i hesitate. "i used to... a cage. Sometimes when i was good he'd let me in the bed..." i still sleep on the floor. It's part of the reason i'm grateful for my single room, one of my messed-up habits i'm glad no one else witnesses.

"Well, I like holding you, baby. So you'll sleep here in my arms, as long as you're comfortable with that."

i bite my lip.

"Does it make you upset, sweetheart? Because I can come up with something else if I have to."

"No. No, i want..." to be close to you.

Luckily, he hears the unspoken second half of the sentence and wraps an arm around my waist. "Good. Wake me up if you need anything. Otherwise, don't leave the bed. Okay?"

"Yes, Kurt," i agree sleepily.

"Good boy. 'night."

"Good night."

i close my eyes and let my head settle against his chest.

i wake up suddenly. Something is touching me. Someone is squeezing me, holding me around the waist. It isn't right. i know it's not Sir, the hands are too small and the skin too soft, and if He finds out He'll be so angry. God, i don't even know what he'll do to me, but i know he'll figure it out. Sir always figures it out.

"Blaine?" Kurt says sleepily, my panic having woken him, and i suddenly remember where i am.

"S...sorry."

He sighs. "Don't start with that, baby. I just woke up, I'm not in the mood to spank you."

i let my head fall back against his chest, in the same position i'd been in when i awoke suddenly. "Okay."

"That's a good boy. Are you going to go back to sleep?"

"Probably not. i do actually have to do my homework at some point, and rehearsal starts... in an hour, fuck."

Kurt laughs. "All right, we're getting out of bed then. Go ahead and get dressed, and then we can go get breakfast."

He kisses me, and then grimaces.

"Eurgh. Morning breath."

"What are you talking about? i'm always delicious."

He laughs as he pulls himself out of bed. "Right."

"i'm going to go get dressed. Meet me downstairs in fifteen minutes?"

He raises an eyebrow. "You think I can get dressed in fifteen minutes? Me? You get dressed, bring some homework down with you, and I'll get there when I get there."

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy. See you soon." He smiles at me again, and i leave the room.

Putting on my uniform doesn't take very long. i go down to the cafeteria, though i decide to save the getting of food for when Kurt can join me.

Unfortunately, that leaves me with nothing to concentrate on but my psychology textbook, which is frankly not very interesting. Instead, i find my mind wandering.

What now? That's the major question. i don't know how to do this. i don't know how to submit without sex, or how to date without submission. i don't know where i fit in Kurt's life right now.

And that's terrifying, because i want this so badly. He's so beautiful, inside and out... good-looking, and brave, and incredibly kind. i want him to keep me.

And i don't know if he will.

Kurt waves at me from across the room, interrupting my reverie. i stand and walk to him, smiling when he slips his hand into mine.

"Didn't get breakfast yet?"

"No. i wasn't sure..."

Before i can start to worry, he murmurs, "'s okay" into my ear, gently enough that i sigh and relax. He rests one arm around my waist and pulls me close for a soft kiss. "Now you taste all minty," he says. "Delicious."

i sigh happily and kiss him again.

"Delicious as you are, we do need some actual food before rehearsal," he says after a few seconds. "Come on."

"Yes, Kurt."

i follow him to the counter, where he says, "I want you to pick something out for yourself. It has to be, like, a real meal, though. And then go sit down."

i nod. That's an order that won't be easy to follow- i hate having to make decisions- but Kurt said he wouldn't ask if it were a trick question, so i figure i can just have what i actually want.

There are pancakes. i haven't had pancakes in weeks, since i really have been trying to lose some weight.

i take two, some strawberries, and a sausage, as well as a glass of milk. i also get coffee- for myself and Kurt, since i know he'll want a second cup even if he's gotten his own, and i'm trying to think of little things i can do for him.

i can make myself useful, even if he doesn't want to fuck me.

i find Kurt and sit down across from him. He glances across my tray and smiles. "Good choice, sweetheart."

"i... i got you coffee." i hand him the mug.

"Thanks! I didn't have quite enough hands for my own." He has a glass of water, a bowl of strawberries, and a yogurt.

We eat in comfortable silence, not sure what to talk about. When i've cleared my plate, a while after Kurt finishes, he takes his own tray and gestures for me to grab my own. My stomach is a little uncomfortably full from way more food than i'm used to, but i'm happy.

Happy. That's what this feeling is. This giddy, nervous, good bubble of something in my gut. i'm happy.

"Blaine, is something wrong?" Kurt asks, his voice calm and concerned.

"i'm happy!" i announce, almost laughing.

"Yeah?"

"i... i can't remember the last time i felt this good, Kurt."

"Oh, baby-"

"And it's all because of you." i kiss him deeply, lingeringly, and am rather shocked at my own boldness. "You make me happy."

Kurt's worry fades, and he smiles at me. "That's what I want, sweetheart. That's all I want." He hugs me tight, whispering into my ear, "You, Blaine. You, happy and mine."

"i am," i say, and i can feel down to my bones how true it is.

We walk into rehearsal hand in hand.

The room is almost empty when we walk in together. Thad and Wes are there, of course, because i'm fairly sure they never actually leave the room.

They look up from the stack of papers on the desk and stare. "Blaine?"

"Y...yeah?"

"Are you... are the two of you... dating?"

i pause, looking up at Kurt.

He nods. "Yeah. As of yesterday."

There is a second of silence, and then the two Council members cheer, fist-bumping across the pile of sheet music. "Hell yes!'

"Do you two have any idea how fucking annoying it is to watch you two dance around each other?"

"i... i didn't..."

Wes rolls his eyes. "Blaine, you have sung nothing but flirtatious duets for the last two months. Can you honestly tell me you didn't have at least the tiniest little crush?"

"i... Well, i guess i just thought..."

Kurt laughs. "He didn't realize it."

"Ooh. But now he does?"

"Yeah." Kurt squeezes my hand.

"When did all this happen?"

"Yesterday morning," i answer, turning to Kurt.

David strolls in, folder in hand, and notices the two of us. "Whoa! Did they finally get over themselves?"

i nod, laughing.

"How did it happen? Tell me everything."

i freeze, not wanting to spill the whole dirty story, not wanting them to know about my self-injury or the exact nature of what Kurt and i have.

"There's not much to tell," Kurt says, running his thumb along the inside of my wrist. The touch calms me, and i relax as he continues. "We had breakfast, and then I figured I'd come straight out and ask."

"And i said yes," i answer. "i wasn't sure... but i'm so glad i did." i turn to Kurt and smile.

"Y'all are too cute."

"Seriously, I think I threw up in my mouth a little."

i laugh, and Kurt kisses me, just a quick peck. i pull away, grinning, as Wes and David pantomime vomiting in the background. The rest of the Warblers file in over the next few minutes, as Kurt and i find our places in the room.

Wes raps the gavel on the table. "Attention, Warblers. We have a very important announcement to make."

There is silence, of course.

"Warbler Blaine and Warbler Kurt are finally together!"

For a long moment, no one says anything.

And then everyone bursts into applause.

i smile, sneaking a glance across the room at my boyfriend.

Kurt's face is flushed with pleasure, his eyes sparkling.

Rehearsal goes well. Singing is something that's always been easy for me, and the events of yesterday don't affect that- although i am a little bit distracted by sneaking glances at Kurt. He looks so happy... And it's because of me.

Well, part of it is because of the rest of the Warblers. i know the way they treated Kurt at his old school. Even his friends might not have been that accepting of him having a boyfriend, and if they had, they wouldn't have applauded. At McKinley, it would be dangerous for the two of us to be out and together.

But i like to think at least some of it is because of me. Not just because he has a boyfriend he can talk about publicly, but because it's me. Maybe i'm exaggerating, maybe it's not true, but i think it is.

He's smiling right at me, after all.

Once we've run all of the songs, we're dismissed for the afternoon. No one lingers, chatting, for too long- there's a lot of projects due this Monday for some reason, and everyone has homework to do.

Kurt, however, takes my hand. We walk out in the hall together.

"Do you want to hang out?" he asks.

"i have homework," i admit. Tempting as it seems to blow it off and spend the afternoon on my knees next to Kurt, i do actually need to study at some point.

"Me too." He sighs. "Will you be done in time for dinner?"

i shrug. "i can make it happen."

"Great!" His face lights up. "Do you want to come work in my room?"

i nod. "Yes, please."

"All right." He smiles. "Grab a snack or something if you're hungry, and your work. I'll see you in a few minutes."

He kisses my forehead before releasing my hand.

i rush through getting my stuff, not wanting to be away from Kurt for any longer than necessary. That happy bubbly feeling is still in my stomach, only increased by an hour of rehearsal.

i run back to his room, my hands full of books. He must have heard my footsteps, because Kurt calls out, "No need to knock, baby. It's open."

i nudge the door open with my hip and let the books spill out on the floor.

"You want to work down there?" he asks. "You can take Will's desk if you want."

"No, i... i can still get my homework done from... is it okay?"

Kurt bends down, helping me pull my stuff into a pile next to his chair. "Of course, sweetheart." He pets my hair as he sits. "I like having you on your knees."

i smile up at him.

"Study," he says with mock firmness. "Much as I'd rather..."

"i know. We do actually have to pass." Kurt lets his hand rest on top of my head as i flip open my textbook and start on my Calculus homework.

It's a pleasant way to study. Kurt's gentle petting soothes me, but not enough that i can't focus. i get my math done, and then start on a Spanish reading. Every so often, i'll look up at Kurt. He's in the midst of a paper, typing away on his laptop. When i catch a glance at the screen, i see that it's in French. When i'm done with the poems in Spanish, i start studying for a history test.

Three hours go by. They don't quite fly, the way yesterday did while i was talking to Kurt, and they don't crawl the way doing homework usually does. But when the clock says six, Kurt taps my shoulder to get my attention.

"Blaine?"

"Yes, Kurt?"

"Are you about done? I'd like to start getting ready."

"Sure."

Kurt draws me up for a kiss before i go back to my room to change.

i stand in front of my closet for several minutes. This is a little bit of a problem. What do i have that's good enough to wear? i know how much Kurt cares about clothes, and it's not really my thing. i don't want to embarass him, but i don't know what he'd like.

i can feel the start of a real panic attack starting. Staring at my scanty wardrobe, my stomach turns... i feel like i'm going to throw up right onto the floor.

i'm not enough. i can't do this. i can't be what Kurt wants, i i'm so fucking useless. How can someone like him even want someone like me?

Great, now i'm crying. That'll help me look better.

And now what am i going to do?

And then i catch sight of the razors i keep next to my bed. They're in a little case, so if i need them i can get at them quickly and no one else knows they're there.

It would be so easy, and i know i would feel so much better.

All i have to do is open up that case and put the razor to my skin.

But Kurt told me not to. i can still hear his words, just as clearly as i remember everything Sir ever said to me. Kurt's order was gentle, soft, and affectionate... but it was an order. "I can't have you hurting yourself, sweetheart. Okay? The next time you think you need to be punished, you come to me."

Come to him.

Part of me thinks he'll be angry. Part of me thinks he won't want to be bothered with me.

But part of me knows better. i think of his smiling face today, and i know Kurt will want me to come to him. That's what he said.

Just this once. This once, i'm going to go to Kurt. And if he turns me away, i'll go. i'll take the hint and next time i'll take care of it myself. But just this once, i'm going to trust Kurt. i'm going to take a chance.

So i turn, and walk down the hall. At the door to Kurt's room, i knock.

"Um, who's there?"

"Me," i say quietly.

"Blaine? I'm not dressed, baby, but you can come in."

He's far from naked. He has on underwear and a tight gray T-shirt. And he's gorgeous.

"What's wrong?" he asks quietly.

"i... i can't..."

Kurt throws his arms around me, grabbing me around the waist. He squeezes me tight. "Tell me, beautiful."

"i... i couldn't decide what to wear," i say softly.

"And?"

"i just... i panicked, and i started to think about... hurting myself. Cutting myself."

"Oh, fuck-"

"i didn't," i assure him. "It was so close but i knew you wouldn't like it, and so i didn't. i came to... to you."

"Good boy," he whispers into my ear. "Very good."

"i couldn't... i almost did. i wanted to, SO badly."

"I'm so proud that you didn't," he tells me, and i find myself believing him. "You were so good, Blaine. Such a good boy."

i let my head fall onto his shoulder, finally relaxing.

"Thank you so much for trusting me, baby. I know it was hard. Thank you." He kisses my neck, and i shiver. "That good, sweetheart?"

"Yes, Kurt," i stammer. "Please..."

"Do you still want to be hurt?" he asks, and there's no judgment in his tone.

"N...no." i hesitate, and decide to explain it to him. "It wasn't about wanting... pain. i just... didn't know what to do."

He hugs me close. "Okay. I'll tell you, baby."

Gratefully, i sigh out my tension. "Thank you, Kurt."

"Of course. Now, what I want you to do is kneel right on that pillow while I get dressed. Then we'll go back to your room, and I'll help you pick something out."

i nod.

"And then we'll have our date... and then we'll come back here, sweetheart, and figure out what reward you're going to get for trusting me so much." He kisses me gently and helps me to my knees.

i close my eyes, trying to calm down. It takes Kurt a while to get ready, but i need the time to relax. i'm so overwhelmed.

He wasn't angry. i thought he wouldn't like me just presuming he would help, wouldn't want me interrupting him. i thought i was taking a real chance coming here.

Obviously, i was wrong.

After a while, i feel Kurt touch my shoulder. "Ready, baby?"

"Y...yeah."

He waits for me to get myself under control, then takes my hand and helps me up.

"You... you look great," i manage. It's been a while since i've seen Kurt dressed up, but i didn't realize how much i missed it until right now. He's wearing very, very tight jeans, and a knee-length purple sweater that cuts a v down his chest to reveal the gray shirt. He did something with his hair so it falls away from his eyes, framing his perfect face.

"Thanks." Kurt guides me back to my room. My closet door is still wide open, and he frowns at the contents. "We're going shopping very soon, sweetheart."

"Um, sorry?"

He laughs. "Don't worry about it, baby. You'd be beautiful if you walked around in a floursack- not that I'd let you."

i blush and he smiles at me- teasingly, but fondly.

"Here."

He's taken a light blue shirt and a pair of gray dress slacks out of my wardrobe, as well as a bowtie I don't remember buying.

"We'll start off easy."

i laugh and start unbuttoning my shirt. He stops me with a hand on my chest.

"I'll wait outside, sweetheart."

Personally, i don't think that's necessary, but if he insists...

i watch him walk out before i start getting dressed. It's probably not that different than something i would have picked myself, but now i don't have to worry. i know Kurt will like this, and more than that...

i know i can trust him. To choose for me, or to help me when i'm afraid.

i know i'm safe now.

i hold his hand, unafraid. There may well be some homophobes we encounter on our way there. Some people may disapprove.

And if they do?

Kurt will take care of me.

He'll stand up for me, for us, or if he really thinks he needs to, to keep us safe, he'll push me away. But i'm with him, and i have nothing to be afraid of.

i hold Kurt's hand all the way down the staircase and into the parking garage. We find his car quickly. Most Dalton students do have their own (i don't, as i was supposed to take Driver's Ed the summer i was with Sir, and i never got around to it afterwards). It's actually on all the brochures- i heard a lot of the students flat-out refused to go to other schools when it meant they would have to give up their fancy rides.

i like to think i've never been pretentious like that, but maybe i'm deluding myself a little. And i definitely benefit from it- it's really nice to be able to get off campus whenever i want.

The soundtrack to Phantom of the Opera comes on automatically as he turns his car on. It's halfway through "All I Ask of You."

"This isn't the movie version," i comment.

Kurt rolls his eyes. "I don't believe in owning movie musical soundtracks. I think it's morally wrong."

"Nor is it the original Broadway cast. That is definitely not Sarah Brightman."

"Mercifully."

We're out of the parking garage now, and headed down the street. i hear a particularly distinctive baritone. "Hang on. Is this the second West End cast?"

Kurt's eyes flick away from the road. He grins at me. "Very impressive."

"It's my personal favorite."

"Mine too. Obviously. I had to download each song individually off Youtube to burn this CD."

We make small talk about the glory that is John Barrowman's voice until we arrive. i don't recognize the restaurant, but i'm happy to try something new.

Kurt's fingers lace through mine, and he guides me through the front door. He turns to the maitre d'. "Two for Hummel."

"Reservations? Very posh."

He shrugs. "I wanted to make sure we'd have somewhere to eat."

"Right this way," the man in the suit says, leading us to a secluded booth in the corner of the room.

Kurt's face shines by the light of a single candle. i can't stop staring at him.

How did this even happen?

How did i get so lucky?

Kurt squeezes my hand under the table as i start to peruse the menu. It's all in French. "Great," i comment.

"I'll translate." Kurt winks at me and proceeds to explain every item on the menu. He's halfway through the fish section when a young waitress appears and offers us drinks.

Kurt orders sparkling water for the table, and i wave away his offer of anything else i'd like.

She returns quickly, bottle in hand, and pours it into the waiting glasses before reciting the specials menu. Kurt winces visibly at her pronunciation of the menu items' names.

"Are you ready to order?"

i nod. "I'll have the... Kurt, how do you say that thing?"

"Coq au vin," he repeats patiently.

"Sounds vaguely dirty," i comment, and he laughs.

"It means "chicken in wine," baby."

"I know. You told me. And with the house salad, please." i hand her my menu.

"And I'll have the Salade Nicoise," Kurt asks. She nods and leaves our table.

"i feel so posh," i comment. "i don't think i've ever been to a real restaurant before without my parents."

Kurt blushes. "Would you laugh if I said I've been planning this night since the day I met you?"

"Only a little," i chuckle.

"Well, I have."

"Really?" It comes out squeaky.

"Yeah." Kurt fixes me with one of his intense stares. "You were worth waiting for, Blaine."

i blush, shifting under his gaze, until the waitress returns with the food. When she does, Kurt abruptly looks away to thank her.

The food is delicious. "Thank you so much for dinner, Kurt," i murmur politely, but with real gratitude.

"Thank you for coming with me."

"It's my pleas-"

"Let me?"

i don't know what he means at first, but then he touches my leg under the table, a soothing moment of contact, and i understand.

"I know it can't be easy for you, sweetheart. I keep forgetting... I'm not the only one who's never been on a date." His eyes sparkle with some feeling i can't name. "Thank you for trusting me."

"i..."

What can i say?

Because the thing is, i'm not sure i do.

He's given me so much... but over the last day. One single day.

And i honestly don't believe that's long enough. Really, truly, down to my soul, i just can't believe that anyone- let alone anyone capable of the kindness, the patience, and the romance Kurt has given me- would want to be with me, Blaine Anderson, fucked-up pervert, certified damaged goods.

"i'm trying," i admit. "i... i want to."

Kurt puts down his fork for a minute. "I know it's not easy, Blaine. Today was good, but... not every day will be. I understand that." He pauses. "But I'll be here on the bad days too, baby."

i wish i believed that.

Kurt doesn't make me answer, thankfully. i guess he picks up on my worry and decides to let it go.

Instead, he says brightly, "So how did the homework go?"

i groan. "i'm going to fail history. i should just give up now."

"Well, I think you're brilliant."

i blush, and Kurt raises an eyebrow.

"I find intelligence very sexy, you know."

"Really." i lean across the table, winking at Kurt, and he laughs.

Unfortunately, before things can get really interesting, the waitress comes to offer us a dessert menu. "No, thanks," Kurt says. "Just the check."

i dig in my pants pocket for my wallet.

"Please," Kurt laughs. "It's a date. I'm paying."

"But i-"

"Can pay next week." He smiles at me and takes his pocketbook out from under the table. He takes out a credit card, giving it to the waitress. As she walks off, Kurt says, "We have other plans for dessert, sweetheart."

Something in the way he says it makes me shiver.

The waitress returns, and Kurt smiles at me. "Ready to go?"

"Sure." i take his hand again. "Thanks for dinner. i know i said that already, but it was really wonderful."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. This is one of my favorite restaurants- I always make my dad come here for my birthday."

i giggle, picturing Burt of Hummel's Tire and Lube attempting to pronounce and then eat Steak Frites or Poisson aux Legumes.

"It can be interesting," Kurt admits, holding the car door open for me. i let the chivalry stand, even though it makes me a little uncomfortable (i can't say why, exactly) and slide into the seat.

The ride back to Dalton isn't too long. i relax, closing my eyes and listening to the music.

i'm half-asleep when i hear Kurt's voice.

"Wake up, sweetheart. We're going to your room- I don't want my roommate to interrupt us."

i don't know what exactly we'll do that he doesn't want someone walking in on us, but i'm not worried. He's given me so much. i'd do just about anything to thank him for it.

Kurt guides me up to my room. He closes the door behind us. "There. No one will come in, will they?"

"Probably not."

"Is it all right if I lock it, then?"

"Sure." i shrug.

i hear the click of the lock, and flinch at the sound. Luckily, Kurt doesn't notice, as he's turned the other way. i'm fine by the time he turns to face me. "How are you, baby?"

"Good. Fine."

"That doesn't sound too positive."

i look down. "Just. Um. Wondering how... what you want me to do."

Kurt forces a smile. "This is a reward, Blaine. You're supposed to like this. You were such a good boy, sweetheart, and I'm going to make sure you know how great things can be when you do what I ask."

"Kurt, i-"

"If there's anything you don't like, I want you to tell me right away. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy." His smile looks genuine now. "Take your shirt off, Blaine."

i pull off the outfit he'd picked out for me.

"Hang that up in the closet and lie down on the bed."

i spend a few extra seconds straightening the shirt on the hanger, not wanting to let it get wrinkled. i feel like Kurt wouldn't like that.

"Beautiful boy," he praises me gently, running a hand along my back. "On your stomach, hands stretched out."

i get in he position he's ordered.

"I'm going to tie your hands, sweetheart." He pulls a smooth length of cloth out of his pocket, and when did that get there?

His hands are gentle and cool as he wraps the cloth around my wrists, tying a firm knot around each of them, and then binding each to a bedpost.

"Absolutely gorgeous," Kurt praises. "Now, tell me if this feels good."

For a second, there's nothing at all. i hold my breath in anticipation, which makes it easy to hear the sound of some kind of tube clicking open.

Then i feel the touch of Kurt's hand. He has some sort of lotion on it, cold but pleasant. He smooths his palms along my back, gently spreading the lotion across my lower back.

Kurt settles on top of me, straddling my hips. He leans over, pressing a kiss to the back of my neck, and i shiver.

His hands rest gently on my shoulders, pausing for a second before he starts to massage them. His fingers dig into the muscle, drawing a whimper from me. It's just on the edge of painful, but as he moves away from the first spot, i feel pleasure replacing it.

"Oh, God," i moan.

"Good?" he asks.

"Yes."

Kurt hums, satisfied with himself, and runs his palms along my back, up to my neck. He carefully massages the tension right along the place where my neck meets my shoulder. When the pain i'm so used to carrying there is gone, he leans over and kisses my neck, letting a hint of tongue lick along my skin.

Kurt moves down, rubbing circles along each vertebra, then pressing his palms out and along. He pauses to put more lotion on his hands midway down, then starts in on my lower back. i whimper at how good it feels.

"You're really tense," he murmurs, kneading hard at a stubborn knot in my back.

"Um. Yeah."

"'s not good for you." He bends to kiss the middle of my back, just between my shoulderblades. As he pulls away, he murmurs, "Blaine?"

"Yes?"

"What's this?" He traces a line along my back with a fingertip. "I just noticed... You can hardly see them, but there's scars all over..."

i bite my lip. "It's from being punished. Do we have to?"

"No." Kurt sighs. "We have to talk about it sometime, Blaine, but not tonight."

"Thank you."

He kisses the center of the scar, before resuming the massage. He digs his fingers deep into my back, and i moan.

"Where did you learn to do this, anyway?"

"Cheerios practice." A long stroke of his palm up my back makes me gasp. "Coach Sylvester worked us pretty hard, and sometimes you needed a nice massage afterwards."

"Thank her for me," i say, almost wordless from the pleasure.

We don't talk anymore after that. i just lie back and enjoy how good it feels.

Kurt's hands aren't gentle. His fingers are almost too much at the tensest spots, but it feels incredibly good. When he's rubbed away most of the tension, he starts to just circle his hands along the length of my back.

i sigh happily as Kurt starts interspersing the strokes of his hands with gentle kisses.

i'm half-asleep by the time he pulls away. He undoes the knots around my wrists, kissing each palm as he does.

"Did you like that, sweetheart?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy." He pulls me into his arms. "I'll stay here until you fall asleep, but then I have to go back to my room, okay?"

"Okay."

"Wait." He smiles. "I almost forgot... dessert." Kurt reaches for his bag, pulling out a chocolate bar. It's not fancy European candy or anything- just a Hershey's bar. He breaks off half and hands it to me, saving the other for himself.

Once i've devoured it, Kurt leans over, and we share a chocolatey kiss. Then he tucks me back into his arms and lets me settle into the pillows to sleep.

i wake up feeling better than i have in a long time. my body is pleasantly achy all over, and i sigh as i stretch.

i climb out of bed, not wanting to risk being late for breakfast- i don't have much Kurt time today, and i'm really looking forward to seeing him, even if it's only briefly.

i slip my uniform on quickly, smoothing my hands over the jacket so it lies flat.

my hair is a veritable rat's nest, so i spend about twenty minutes viciously gelling and ironing it- but the only part of me i touch the iron to is my hair. Despite the number of times Kurt messed up my careful hairdo this weekend, i just don't feel the need to hurt myself. i wouldn't, anyway, because i don't want to disappoint Kurt. But i don't even want to.

i comb through my hair one more time, casting a smile at the mirror.

Look at me, i'm Blaine Anderson, calm and composed and charming.

For once, i actually believe my morning pep talk.

Kurt is waiting for me in the dining room. He got a tray ready for me, and i sit next to him and take my cup of coffee.

"Good morning, Kurt."

"Morning, my boy," Kurt murmurs in a quiet voice. i shiver at his words. "Eat up."

i nod. The breakfast is a lot bigger than i usually have, but i finish it obediently. There's scrambled eggs, and sausage, and a piece of toast- i usually just have toast or cereal or maybe some fruit, but i don't want to argue with Kurt.

Not when today is already so wonderful.

"How are you, Kurt?" i ask. "Did you sleep all right?"

"Not much. I had a lot of homework to finish."

"Oh." Now i feel a little bit of worry. Was i keeping him from his work? i wouldn't want his grades to suffer because he's spending time with me instead of studying.

"Blaine, are you freaking out? Please don't freak out."

"S...sor-"

He raises a hand. "It is too early in the morning, and I have to go to class. Please just calm down, and don't apologize."

i settle for, "Okay."

"How about you?"

"i slept like a log. It was wonderful."

"Good." He smiles at me.

"i can't remember the last time i slept that well."

"I'm glad." Kurt reaches across the table, and i take his hand. We finish eating like that, hand in hand. i don't mention the nightmares i'm surprised didn't plague my sleep, or the impulse to hurt myself i can scarcely believe didn't haunt me this morning.

i don't say anything at all.

When we finish eating, Kurt walks me to my first period class. He kisses me goodbye, gently, and i sigh.

The class goes by agonizingly slowly. i try to keep my thoughts on the lecture discussing this weekend's Spanish reading, but i really can't. Instead, i find myself mentally poring over every second of my weekend with Kurt.

He was so kind to me. Even when he punished me, i wasn't afraid of him. i've never experienced anything like that before. As much as i loved Sir- and i really did, as afraid of Him as i was- i was always terrified of making Him angry. Not just because of His temper... i was always worried i would make him so angry He would leave me.

Turns out i was right.

But maybe Kurt wouldn't do that to me. As gentle and patient as he's been... maybe he'll stay.

Senora James asks me a question, interrupting my train of thought. i manage to start paying attention just in time to respond in a half-intelligent manner, which apparently convinces her i wasn't zoning out.

Which is not true. As soon as i've given my answer, i go straight back to daydreaming about last night. It was wonderful. i never felt that good with Sir. A quick word of praise was the most reward i ever got. With Kurt... i'm surprised. i didn't know it could work this way, with rewards as well as punishments.

i didn't know it could be so good.

When the class bell finally rings, i hurry away to meet Kurt, hoping for a quick kiss before we have to go to our separate classes.

Kurt grins at me as soon as he realizes i've come to meet him. "Hi, baby."

"Hi."

i get the kiss i was hoping for, and more. Kurt all but pins me against the wall, crushing his lips to mine and kissing me hard enough that i moan. He doesn't draw it out for long, presumably worried that we'll get in trouble, but i reach for him and he pulls me close, settling an arm around my waist as we walk. "I don't want to get us suspended," Kurt murmurs.

"We won't. I mean, unless we actually have sex in the hall. Dalton is very sensitive about... not doing anything that might be seen as discriminatory."

"And I think we're a ways off from public sex."

Kurt seems to be really enjoying walking with me. i can't imagine why. Sir never let anyone see us together- i stayed in his apartment for the four months we were together. But Kurt seems to be really taking pleasure in holding me around the waist and sneaking kisses before he has to go.

i'm still smiling as we say goodbye. The grin lasts until i make my way into my next class and remember that i'd prioritized spending time with Kurt over actually studying for this history test. i manage to answer all the questions, forcing myself to focus on that instead of the lingering taste of Kurt on my lips, but i'm much less confident in my answers than usual. i'm going to have to figure out how to work around this relationship without failing all my classes. i can make it through one bad test grade, though. i try not to let myself worry too much about it. The last time i gave in to my nervousness about school, i had a full-out panic attack in the middle of Calculus and had to be politely escorted to the guidance counselor's office, where i told her some bullshit story about overbearing parents. She believed me, of course, because most people at Dalton really do have to deal with a ton of parental pressure. Still, the whole incident was incredibly embarassing. It took me weeks to walk into that class without blushing, and i have no real desire to relive the feeling.

So when the bell rings, i shake off my worry and leave the classroom. This time, Kurt beats me to the door. We walk together to Chorus, one of the few classes we have together. Overlap between the class and the Warblers isn't complete, but a lot of our friends are here. Unfortunately, instead of an upbeat pop number we're working on some tedious Catholic hymn, but i do love to sing.

Kurt stands in the bottom left by himself, the sole countertenor, as i take my place in the back. It's the perfect angle to watch him from.

He's beautiful when he sings. His face just lights up... he looks like an absolute angel.

We work the same four bars or so over and over again. Mr. Darotti, the chorus director, snaps at me for not paying attention, and i blush. i don't even have my sheet music open, i've been so absorbed with watching Kurt.

Kurt turns, making sure i'm not panicking at the teacher's reprimand, and sees my adoring gaze. He must realize why i wasn't paying attention, because he gives me a smile i can only describe as indulgent before we both turn back to our sheet music.

Unfortunately, that's the last time we see each other until rehearsal. On Mondays, i spend my lunch period at the Queer Straight Alliance, which Kurt usually goes to. Today, however, he's cramming for a Statistics exam and couldn't make it.

Although i enjoy spending time with my friends, as i always do, i'm sorry i don't get to see Kurt.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur. i spend my classes waiting for them to end, paying more attention to the steady ticking of Dalton's old-fashioned analog clocks than actually listening to my teachers.

It might be a bad thing that Kurt is all i can think about, but i don't particularly care. i just want to be back in his room, on my knees, feeling the way i did yesterday...

Happy. Safe. Words i didn't think would ever have much to do with me.

So i impatiently wait for the day to end, for me to have a chance to feel that way again.

Even rehearsal is rushed, a forty-five minute run-through of all the songs in our repertoire. i'm exhausted by the time we finish, as i- lucky though i feel to be the lead soloist- do have to do most of the running around.

i'm sweating when Kurt pulls me aside at the end of rehearsal. "Take half an hour for yourself, sweetheart. I want you to rest, maybe shower, read a book- not for school, for pleasure. Just take a break. Meet me in my room at six."

"Yes, Kurt. But i have homework-"

"I promise to let you do it after dinner," he assures me.

"Thanks," i murmur.

He kisses me softly, then lets me go with a quiet, "Good boy."

i leave the room, hurrying back to my own. It's been a long day, and unusual as Kurt's orders were, i find myself eager to follow them.

i strip off my uniform, changing into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. i'll probably figure out something at least slightly more flattering for when i go to see Kurt, but for now... he told me to relax.

i set my alarm, not wanting to oversleep and make him angry, and close my eyes for a thirty-minute power nap.

i wake up on time, luckily, but there's still a vague feeling of nervousness. i don't know why, but the old sentiment- that i'm not good enough, that i'll never be able to please Kurt, or anyone, enough to keep me for long- is back in full force.

i stand up, jittery, looking around my room for some sign of what's set me off. i don't even know what's wrong, but i can't shake the sense that something is wrong.

That i'm wrong.

i hurry to his room, worried that the nervousness will turn into panic, and from there into disobeying him by hurting myself.

Kurt is in the midst of putting his schoolbooks away when i burst in. "All right, baby?" he asks.

"Yeah. Sorry. i just..."

"Something wrong?"

i all but fling myself to my knees next to his desk. "i don't know, Kurt. i just... i woke up feeling... i needed to be with you."

"Shh." He guides my face up to look at him. "You're here with me now, sweetheart. With me and safe."

He watches to see my reaction. "Please," i say softly, not even knowing what i'm asking for.

Apparently, Kurt does. He lets me rest my head in his lap, and once i stop shaking, pets my hair. "Good boy," he murmurs. "My good boy."

i tremble again, but this time it's not with worry. it feels good, being called that.

"Mine," Kurt repeats. "All mine."

i sigh, finally relaxing, and he tightens his grip in my hair. After a little while, he speaks.

"You all right now, Blaine?"

"Yes, Kurt. Thank you."

"Of course." He resumes the gentle petting. "I asked you to come here so we can talk a little more. About us, things you like, things you don't. Like we did on Saturday. Are you feeling up to that?"

i pause to really consider it before saying, "Yes, Kurt."

"Good." i sneak a glance up at him- he's smiling. "Let's get started, then."

"Where were we?" he asks off-handedly.

i try to remember. After a few seconds, i am forced to admit to myself that i can't. I have a general sense of how good it felt, how safe, but i don't remember the exact words that were said. "i don't... i'm sorry..."

"It's okay, sweetheart. I think I wrote most of it down."

"Oh." Now i feel ridiculous for having forgotten something as obvious as that.

"Blaine..."

i look up at Kurt when he sighs my name.

"Baby, you seem... really nervous. Like something's not right."

"Sorry," i say again. i felt so good just a moment ago, resting in his lap. Now i can't get a hold on myself.

i ruin everything.

"Don't." He frowns. "Do I have to punish you, Blaine?"

i flinch. "No, please, i didn't-"

"Hey." He reaches down to softly touch my face, a second's reassuring gesture. "I didn't mean that as a threat, sweetheart. You know I'd never hurt you."

And i don't know what to say about that.

Because the last thing i want to do is contradict Kurt. It would be disrespectful, first of all, and under these circumstances i just know it would upset him. i know it means a lot to him, that i trust him. And i want to. i really do.

But i'm not sure i can.

He's a Dom, after all. Something had to attract him to this. Deep down, he must want to use me... and more than that. To hurt me.

Someday, he will. He'll realize that i won't tell anyone, that he'll get away with it, and he'll go too far. Maybe he won't even mean to, but i know he'll get carried away.

And i know better than to lie to him and say i trust him not to hurt me. He'll be able to tell if i'm lying- Sir always could. i don't know what the punishment for that would be, but i bet i wouldn't like it.

"Blaine?"

i guess i've been silent for too long. "i-"

"Sweetheart, do you still not trust me?"

"No," i admit. "i'm sorry- don't punish me for saying so, Kurt, i really mean it. i'm sorry i can't... but i just..."

Kurt waits for me to trail off. Finally, he says, "I understand."

"What?"

"I understand, baby. You went through hell. You can't... I can't fix that in three days." Some of the sorrow fades from his face. "But I will. Sooner or later, Blaine, you'll know that I'm not going to hurt you."

i don't know about that, but i don't argue.

"Now. You're really on-edge today, Blaine. Is something wrong?"

i shrug. "i think... i think i had a nightmare during my nap."

"A nightmare?"

"Yeah." Something in his tone makes me self-conscious, and i look down. "i don't usually remember them. It's... um, part of the reason i have a private room. i kept freaking my roommate out, what with all the screaming in the middle of the night and then going back to sleep on the floor." i say it matter-of-factly, not letting myself veer towards self-pity.

"And what are they about, baby?"

"They're... non-specific, sort of. But usually about submitting. Like... sex dreams gone horribly wrong."

"Will you tell me what you can remember?" Kurt asks.

"i don't..." i hesitate. "i know it's the same one. i can remember it from a few times in the past, and i always feel this way after..."

"Will you tell me what it's about?" he specifies.

i tense. "i'm sorry, i'm not-"

"Okay." Kurt strokes my hair again. "You're not in trouble- although I wish you'd stop apologizing. You don't have to tell me... not until you're ready."

He gives me a moment of silence to gather my thoughts, petting me gently all the while.

"All right?" he murmurs finally.

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy. Back to our list?"

i nod, and he pulls a piece of paper and a pen out from under the desk.

"We were at blindfolds," Kurt says matter-of-factly.

"Wh-what?"

"Blindfolds. You like them. I think I was just randomly naming kinks at that point... if there's anything in particular you'd like to add, go ahead."

"What about you?" i ask, and then freeze, shocked at my own forwardness.

"Blaine?"

"What about you, Kurt? Wh...what do you like?"

He shrugs. "I already know what I like. I don't need to talk about it, I can add that in on my own."

"But-" i don't finish my argument, though. i don't want to irritate him.

"But what?" he asks gently.

"i want to know," i admit. "i feel like... i need to, Kurt. To be... to be yours, i have to know what you want."

He cups my chin, making me look up at him. "Okay."

"What?"

"I was going to wait until you saw the contract, but if it matters to you, we can talk about it now."

"Oh." He doesn't let me look away, even though i try to.

"You can always ask me for things, baby. If you want something, you should always tell me. I may not always say yes, but I always want to know."

"Okay."

He loosens his grip on my chin, stroking my hair instead. "I don't know too much about my own... I don't know, preferences, I guess." He shrugs. "I don't have much of any experience, baby. I can just barely stomach reading books about the subject. Actual porn... not so much. And you know I'd never even had a boyfriend before."

"Yeah."

"But... I know I like this. I like the way you look at me. That you come to me when you're afraid." His touch is so gentle, his voice so calm. "I liked spanking you, and I liked gagging you while we watched the movie. You looked beautiful, and it was so hot the way you did what I said."

i nod. "i... i liked that too."

"Good." i can feel the warmth radiating from his voice. "That's all I can tell you for right now, sweetheart- but we'll work through it together. Everything else, we'll figure out together."

"Thank you, Kurt," i say, not sure that those three small words can really convey just how grateful i feel.

He glances across at the clock. "I think that's enough serious talk for the day. Let's go get something to eat."

i nod, and he helps me to my feet.

We eat together. The food at Dalton is very good, and it's nice not to worry about what i'm eating as much as i usually do. Kurt makes my plate for me, to spare me any nervousness about what i have for dinner, and we sit together.

We don't talk much- i'm a little tired of talking, frankly, after that long conversation earlier. We didn't even quite cover the ground we had intended, but it's exhausting, these lengthy, intense conversations.

When i've cleared my plate, an exercise that involves me pausing periodically, only to be glared at by Kurt, at which point i start eating again, Kurt leads me back upstairs. He holds my hand again, a gesture that leaves me feeling reassured, comfortable.

"I promised I'd let you go after dinner," Kurt sighs.

"Yeah." i don't want him to.

Kurt gathers me close and kisses me. "I'll come see you right before bed. Kiss you good night."

"Th-thank you."

Kurt lets me go, and i walk into my room.

Most of my nervousness is gone. i don't have trouble focusing on my homework, soothed by my time with Kurt. It's mostly the quiet dinner, but also the time i spent kneeling at his feet, talking to him... and him listening.

He was so understanding. i asked him for something, and he let me have it... just like last time, when i went to him in my panic and he comforted me.

This is so different. Not just from what Sir did, but also from how i expected this to be. It's not just wonderful and good... it's also easy. It's so natural, being with him.

i speed through my homework. Kurt told me to do it, and i do. i even try to do a half-decent job at it, not wanting to get behind and ruin something that might be more fun than this later on. i'd hate to have to miss quality time with Kurt because, for instance, i'm failing all my classes.

As usual, i have everything organized in my planner, and i go through the assignments one by one. i'm just finishing up my lab report when there's a knock on the door.

"Baby?"

"C'mon in." i can leave the last paragraph undone- it's not even due till Thursday.

"Came to say good night." Kurt all but pulls me out of the chair to kiss me.

i let him pull me into the bed, and he props the sheets up around me, so i'm comfortable, before kissing my lips tenderly.

"Sleep well, sweetheart."

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay?" i ask quietly.

He sighs. "I can't. Sorry, I don't want us to get in trouble."

"Oh. Okay."

He kisses me one more time before standing up. "Good night, baby."

"Good night."

Obediently, i close my eyes, trying to sleep. i want Kurt to be happy with me, after all, and it clearly means a lot to him that i get a decent night's rest.

But i just can't relax.

i can hear Sir's voice in my mind- not as clear as usual, not the distinct orders i'm used to, but more like a quiet, vicious whisper.

"You're getting spoiled, boy. And no one will ever want a spoiled sub who doesn't know his place."

i tremble, clamping the pillow over my ears like it can block out a voice that isn't even real. Stupid.

"Sleeping on the bed like you have some kind of right. Like a person instead of a stupid, worthless whore."

"i'm... i'm not-" i start to answer out loud, feeling ever more ridiculous.

"You're nothing more than a pet, boy. An animal."

i'm shaking now, on the verge of tears. This shouldn't still happen to me. God, what the hell is wrong with me that someone i haven't seen in two years still has the power to make me feel worthless?

"Maybe it's because you are," i hear, and i'm not sure whether it's me or Him that says it.

i grab the bedsheet, letting myself fall from the bed, onto the ground. i curl up onto my side. Using the bedsheet, i tie an awkward one-handed knot around my left wrist. It's not much of anything- i should be able to undo it in the morning- but i feel better tied up. Like i know my place, like i'm doing as i should.

A tiny whisper in the back of my mind tells me Kurt wouldn't like it, but i hush it. i can't deal with worrying about that right now.

All i can do is curl up on the hard, cold floor and try to sleep. It's hard, over the chorus of criticism in my head, but i squeeze my eyes shut and force myself into a restless half-sleep.

i wake up with the sound of something clattering to the floor.

"Blaine. Blaine, sweetheart..."

It's Kurt. As i look over at him, i realize he must have come to wake me up with a cup of coffee.

The coffee is currently seeping into my carpet. i start towards it, to clean it up, before realizing i'm still bound to the bed.

"Don't move," Kurt orders sharply, and i freeze. "Good boy."

He walks to where i'm lying, half-propped against the bed. Gently, he undoes the knot around my wrist, helping me up to my feet.

"What happened?" he asks quietly.

"i... i couldn't..." i don't know how to explain it.

"Oh, sweetheart." He squeezes me close. "A nightmare?"

"No. i just..."

"Tell me," he says, and i can't deny that it's a command.

"It... it was like i could hear Him." i flinch. "Sir. In my head. Like He was... like He was talking to me. Telling me..." i trail off, shaking again.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs. "I wish I had been here."

i look down. "It wouldn't have happened if you'd been here, Kurt."

"Oh."

i can tell that didn't make him feel better. "It's not... i understand, you know." i wouldn't want him to get in trouble or anything.

"I know. But I just... I'll have to figure something out, Blaine, because I'm not going to let you feel..."

"i can handle it," i murmur, looking down.

"Baby..."

"It's not so bad. It's not like it's every day-"

"Blaine." He says my name almost sharply, tilting my face towards him. "I won't let you go through this. I won't. We'll figure something out, Blaine, but you won't spend another night like this."

i nod, helpless to argue.

"Good boy. Get dressed- I'll clean this mess up, and then I guess we'll have to go get our coffee downstairs."

Kurt doesn't seem angry.

i'm really surprised at that.

This time, he doesn't insist on leaving while i change, though he doesn't watch, either. His back is turned to me, his focus on the floor where he's carefully scrubbing at the coffee stain, so i change quickly, looking away.

"It's a miracle the cup didn't break," Kurt murmurs, and i jump. "Something wrong?"

"No. Sorry. Startled me."

"That's okay." His voice is still low, soothing, gentle. "Are you sure you're all right, baby?"

"Yes."

"Don't lie to me."

i flinch. "Sorry. S-sorry, i didn't..."

"Sweetheart!" He sounds more than worried. He sounds exasperated, even with the pet name. "What's wrong?"

"i just..." i bite back a sob. When i feel a tiny bit less shaky, i continue. "i knew you wouldn't like it. i didn't... didn't want to disappoint... i just couldn't..."

"Shh." He leaves the coffee settling into the floor and runs to me. "Blaine, baby, it's all right. I'm not mad at you."

"R-really?" i can hear the tremor in my own voice.

"Really." He gently touches my shoulder. "Blaine, you're a good boy, and I'm very proud that you're mine. But you're... you've been really badly treated, sweetheart, and you're... you're going to get upset, every now and again."

"i'll try not-"

"I know." Now he's pulling me into his arms, holding me close. "I don't think you want to be like this, baby. And I don't think you're broken, or anything. At least not anything that can't be fixed. But I know it will take time."

"Thank you," i manage. "You've been... so..." Kurt waits patiently for me to finish. "So understanding. So... kind."

He kisses me, slowly, tenderly, before whispering, "No less than you deserve, sweetheart."

He's wrong, of course. Someday he'll realize just how much more than me he deserves.

Not that it's any less wonderful to hear it.

The day goes by in a stupor. i'm not quite able to settle into my own skin after the long night... in fact, i think i was more awake last night than i am today. The two cups of coffee i guzzle at breakfast don't help, and Kurt cuts me off during my fifth at lunch.

"That's not healthy," he says firmly.

"But i'm so tired-"

"So skip fifth period and take a nap."

i shake my head. "i'll get behind."

"You're not getting ahead by sleepwalking through class, baby."

"That's why i want more coffee."

He kisses my forehead and steals my cup, laughing with me at my plaintive statement. "Well. You're past the point where it's healthy, and I don't think bouncing off the walls will save your grade either."

"Okay," i agree finally.

"I'll bring you one more cup right before rehearsal, but no more until then."

His tone is final, and i find myself nodding. Kurt gestures at the non-caffeinated portion of my lunch, and i resign myself to eating it.

After that, i'm practically napping during my classes. i even let my head settle on the desk for a few seconds during Art History. Not that i don't enjoy the material, but the room is so dark and warm...

Luckily, the boy next to me nudges me awake, and i jolt upright.

Rehearsal is even blurrier. Kurt was right... i REALLY didn't need another dose of caffeine. It makes my head swim, and my stomach so uneasy i don't even finish it- though i feel guilty, after Kurt was sweet enough to sneak off-campus and grab me a proper latte.

After rehearsal, Kurt doesn't send me to my room for some sleep as i'd expected. Instead, he leads me to his.

i try to wake myself up a bit, try to be ready to do whatever he's about to ask of me.

"Shh," he murmurs, somehow understanding my reaction. He knocks on the door. "Will? You there?"

"Yeah. Come in."

Kurt's roommate is sprawled across his bed doing homework. i look down, nervous. i don't know what to do here. Kurt gets along well with this guy, i know, and even if Kurt said he wouldn't share me...

i'm obviously getting out of control. i can't follow an order as simple as sleeping in a bed. He said some of the things on that list were going to be punishments, and if-

"I need a favor," Kurt says to his friend, and i flinch again.

"Sure."

"Blaine and I..."

"Are finally going out," Will finishes.

i resist the urge to hide my face in Kurt's shoulder. If he's going to turn me over to Will for punishment, the last thing he'd want to do is waste his time comforting me.

"Yeah," Kurt agrees.

"So..."

"I want to start. Um. Sleeping in his room."

"You sending his roommate my way?" Will asks.

"No. He's got a single."

"Oh." Will's face lights up. "So I get the double to myself?"

"If you're okay with it. I mean... I wouldn't ask you to cover for us if there's a room check, but usually they just peek their heads in, and-"

"I won't tell," Will promises.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Need a hand packing your stuff?"

"I might let that wait till the weekend. Could be a bit suspicious now."

"Good plan. See you, Blaine."

i tense as he speaks to me, but Kurt just takes my hand again and leads me away. He runs his thumb across my hand, from wrist to fingertip, as if reassuring himself i'm there.

When we're in my room, he slams the door behind him.

"What the hell happened in there?" he demands, and i crumple to my knees.

i don't say anything, just bow my head, shaking.

What did i do wrong? i didn't even say anything. Why is Kurt so angry?

He grabs my shoulder, shaking me almost roughly- like he needs to get my attention.

"You need to tell me what the fuck that was about, Blaine."

"Wh-what?"

"Now."

i flinch. "i'm sorry, i don't..."

"Not letting up on this one, sweetheart," he says, still a little anger in his tone.

"i don't know what you're talking about," i whimper, squeezing my eyes shut. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i didn't... don't be angry... i'm sorry..."

"Blaine." Gently, he calls my name. "Open your eyes and look at me," he says. It's an order, unquestionably, but at least he doesn't sound furious anymore.

i obey, not sure what i'll see. Will he still be mad at me?

Kurt looks down at me. His mouth is set in a tight line, and i can't decipher the expression in his eyes.

"You were acting really strange in there," he explains. "Sweetheart, you looked terrified. I want to know what happened."

"i thought... i thought..."

"What?" he demands intensely.

i flinch. "i'm sorry, Kurt, i'm sorry, i can't..."

"Yes, you can." It sounds encouraging, but there's no room for argument in his tone. "Tell me."

"i thought... i thought you were going to... i..." i squeeze my eyes shut again, aware i'm disobeying, and force out the words, "i thought you wanted him to punish me."

"You mean... You thought I was going to turn you over to Will?"

i nod almost imperceptibly.

"Damnit, Blaine, look at me!"

"Sorry. Sorry, Sir, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, please don't... please don't leave." Instinctively, i bow my head lower, until i'm crouched at his feet, pleading. "Don't, don't go, i'm sorry, i'm sorry..."

"I promised I wouldn't do that," he says wearily. "I told you I wouldn't let anyone else touch you."

"I thought... a punishment..."

"What did you even do?" he growls, angry again. He grabs the collar of my jacket, forcing me up to a kneel.

"i just... i just... i thought... i'm so... needy." Once i get that first word out, the rest is easy. "Such a whiny bitch. You shouldn't have to-"

"Fucking hell, Blaine, of course I should have to. You're mine. My responsibility."

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, please don't-"

i flinch as Kurt turns away and slams his fist into the wall.

"Don't," i whimper, and he looks at me, his eyes wild.

"Blaine, i-"

"Please don't be mad at me, please don't leave me, you... you don't have to, you can... you can do anything you want to me, i'll do anything, please, Sir-"

"Shh." Kurt drops to a knee next to me. "Okay, baby. Okay. I'm not mad at you." He grabs my hand, gently. "We need to talk."

Kurt pulls me into his arms, and although i resist, he manages to get me sitting on his lap. He leans against the wall, letting me rest against his chest.

"Blaine..."

"i'm sorry," i whimper. It's not just anger i can hear in his voice now. It's something much worse.

Kurt is disappointed in me.

"Baby, stop. Just... Stop apologizing."

"But i..."

"I really can't handle this," Kurt sighs, and i twist in his lap, grabbing for his shirt in a blind panic.

"i'm sorry. No, not sorry, you're right, i won't, i won't anymore, don't-"

"Blaine." He says my name calmly, firmly. "I'm not leaving you."

At those words, i relax.

"That's a given, okay? No matter what happens, you're mine, and I'm not giving up on you."

"Okay," i say, my voice small.

"Good boy," he praises softly, somehow understanding that i'm not lying to him.

i believe him. As frightened as i am, as sure as i am that he's going to punish me, he's going to stay.

He'll see this through... whatever it is.

"Now." Kurt softly touches my cheek, guiding me so i'm looking him in the eye. "You've done a couple things you're not supposed to, sweetheart."

"i know, i..."

"Shh. I'm talking, beautiful boy."

"Yes, Kurt," i say.

"I told you not to apologize, baby. And although I've let you get away with it once or twice before, you were out of control. The reason I said that... I don't like what it represents, Blaine. I don't like you to worry that much. And the other thing..." He takes a moment to gather himself. "You called me Sir. After I specifically told you not to."

"i didn't- i can't-" i don't know what to say except 'i'm sorry,' but i don't want to anger him again.

"I'm not him, Blaine," Kurt says quietly, his voice tense. "And if you don't believe that... fuck, sweetheart, I don't know if this is going to work."

"But..." i can barely hear my own whisper. "You promised."

Kurt sighs, kissing my forehead. "I won't leave you, sweetheart. You're right. I promised. But I can't be your Dom if you don't trust me."

"i'm sorry, i do, you know i do, and i just can't... i didn't mean to ruin it, Kurt, i didn't think..."

"Shh. Let me talk, baby."

Immediately, i fall silent. i can't give him another reason to realize that i'm just not good enough.

"I don't know how... I don't know how to fix this. I mean... I keep saying patience, and time, but... how do I make it better? Today? Right now? How do I fix it?"

"i don't know either," i confess. "i don't know what to do. But i... i want you to..." i hesitate, then look up at him. "Give me another chance, Kurt. Please."

"It's not about giving you another chance," he murmurs. "If I can't do this, it's not a punishment, not a criticism. It's just... that I don't think it's right."

"Please-"

"I need to think, sweetheart. I just... I have to figure this out, all right?"

"What can i do?" i whisper. "Kurt, it's not that i don't trust you. i'd... i'd let you do anything."

"That's not..." Kurt looks away, sighing. "You're not saying that because you believe I'd never do anything to hurt you, even though it's true. I know... I know you would let me do anything, baby, but that's not the point. The point is that you obviously don't understand that I wouldn't do anything to hurt you... and you'd still let me do anything I want to you." He pauses. "Do you understand, sweetheart?"

"i guess." i bite my lip. "Kurt. If i have to. For you to... to want me..."

"Of course I want you," he says, reassuringly. "That's not up for debate. The question is whether or not I'm hurting you by having you."

"Fine. Then to prove that you aren't. i'll do... i'll do anything."

And i really mean it.

For a long, long time, Kurt is silent. i close my eyes, hoping, praying almost. He has to give me a chance. He has to let me-

i don't deserve it, but i want it so much.

Finally, quietly, he says, "Okay."

i look up at him, eager to see what he wants.

"We'll get through this, sweetheart."

"Really? Will you really give me another chance?"

"Really." He pulls me in, holding me tight. "I'm... I need to figure out what I'm going to do, all right? Let me just hold you for a little while, let me think."

"Okay," i murmur, shifting in his lap. i try to relax, letting him hold me close. It's kind of a long time, or at least it seems that way. i can hear my own heart absolutely pounding.

i'm afraid. i try not to be, because i know he wouldn't like that, but i can't help the nervousness.

i promised him i'd do anything, and i will. i just don't know what that means. With Sir, i could have anticipated it. But with Kurt, i don't know how to anticipate it.

"Okay," Kurt says. "Stand up, beautiful."

i obey. He also gets to his feet.

"Take off your belt and hand it to me."

i swallow, predicting where this will go. My pants slip as i undo my belt.

"Drop your pants, take off your jacket and shirt, but keep your underwear on."

"Yes, Kurt." i strip down to my underwear obediently.

"Good boy." He crosses over to me, cupping my cheek and kissing me. "This is what's going to happen, sweetheart. I want you to bend over the desk. I'll tie you where I want you, okay?"

"Anything," i repeat.

"I know. Blaine, I want you to prove to me that you'll stop me when you need to. And I need to know that I can give you what you need." i shiver as he runs a hand down my back, caressing my bare skin. "You broke the rules, sweetheart, and I'm going to punish you for that, okay?"

This is familiar territory. "Yes, Kurt."

"So I'm going to use the belt on you. Not for any set number... I don't want you to count. And I'm not going to stop. Not until you tell me to."

i flinch. "But i..."

"I'm not going to try and make you safeword, Blaine. Just... say 'stop', and I will. And if we get... if we get past the point that I'm comfortable, we'll know I can't do this anymore."

i won't let that happen. i can do what he wants.

"All right?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy," he says softly, carefully guiding me to bend over the desk.

"Blaine," he says, calling my name quietly. My head snaps up.

"Don't freak out. It's just..." He pauses. "Couple more things you need to know."

"Yeah?"

"There's no... there's no magic number, okay? There isn't a right answer here. I know you were really afraid, when you were with him, that you would do something wrong, mess up and not know it, and I just want you to know that's not going to happen. There's... I'm not looking for you to stop me by some certain point. I want this to work as much as you do."

i'm not sure i think that's true.

"Ready?" he asks me, and i nod.

"Of course you are," he sighs. i'm not sure quite what that meant, but it seems like he's not happy with me. He must have grabbed his box of stuff when we were in the room with Will, when i was distracted, as he's suddenly cuffing my hands to each of the far legs of the desk. His hands are steady, moving mine like he's perfectly calm about this.

His hands run across my back, lifting only slightly so he doesn't touch my ass, and then dip down to nudge my thighs apart. Obediently, i spread my legs, half-hoping he'll be distracted by my exposed position and be tempted into letting me prove myself that way instead... a way i feel more confident about than i do about trying to take any kind of charge of this.

He ties my ankles to the legs of the desk, using some kind of fabric. Probably my bedsheet, now that i think about it.

"Secure?" he asks me.

"Think so."

"Try and get out. Can you?"

After a few experimental tugs, i realize i'm steady. "No, Kurt."

"Good boy."

i hear the noise the belt makes as it whistles through the air. That means it'll hurt, i think in the split second before it does. The leather lands like a stripe of fire on my ass, and i gasp aloud before biting my lip.

"Like I said last time, sweetheart, no need to be quiet."

"Yes, Kurt."

"I want to hear you," he urges me, and i nod.

When the belt strikes me again, i cry out. It's half a scream, a sound raw and unfamiliar to my own ears.

Another strike. i try to pull away, but i can't move. It hurts.

And again.

i need this. i know i do. If, to keep Kurt, i have to give up my self-punishment, i need him to hurt me instead.

Before tonight, i would have thought him incapable of hurting me as much as i hurt myself.

Clearly, i was wrong.

The lashes fall, hot and hard, again and again. He doesn't pause, doesn't hesitate, just rains the belt down on my ass until all i can feel is the awful burning of it. i can hear his heavy breathing as my own half-screams turn into sighs and whimpers, and then into nothing.

For a long time, it's silent except for Kurt panting and the smack of the leather into my flesh. No sound, nothing, because the buzzing in my ears is growing louder and louder. The blood rushes into my face even as i know the color in my ass must be rising, as i know i'll be bruised and hurting tomorrow.

And Kurt doesn't stop. He just keeps going, and going, until i'm feebly twisting in the cuffs, trying to get away after every strike. i'm not afraid. i'm not worried about what he'll say or do.

All i can feel is the pain. All i want is for it to stop.

And then i realize.

i can make him stop. i have the power to end this. And all i have to do is say-

"Stop, Kurt, please-"

The pain stops. i can still feel the air stinging my sensitive skin, but there isn't another blow.

Kurt unties me, silently and quickly. "Stand up," he orders quietly. The blood rushes to my head as i obey, and he catches me in his arms, not letting me stumble.

"How do you feel?" he asks quietly, his voice gentle, concerned.

i don't know quite what to say.

"Blaine, sweetheart, please try and answer."

"Fine, i guess..."

"I can't believe I did that," he muses quietly. "But I guess..." He pauses. "I'm so proud of you, baby."

"What?"

"I didn't think you'd stop me, you know. I thought... I didn't think you'd be able to do it. I thought we'd have to..."

"Oh." i look away. "You were going to-"

"Sweetheart?"

"Leave me?" i finish plaintively, and Kurt pulls me close, kissing my forehead.

"No, baby. But I'm glad... I'm glad you got it. How I feel about you... how things are going to be for us, I'm glad you understand. I'm not going to hurt you, Blaine. And you can always stop me. And I feel like... I feel like I can trust you to know that now. And like I can give you what you need." He combs his fingers through my sweaty hair. "I saw how it helped, Blaine. You've been on edge all day, and just then... you were so calm. It was wonderful, sweetheart, that I could do that for you. Give you that. I'm so glad."

"Thanks," i murmur. Because he's right. It's so much better, getting the pain, the absolution, from him.

"Let's get you into bed, sweetheart. You must be exhausted."

i nod, letting him pull me into my bed. He doesn't join me right away, getting a cloth from the bathroom first. He wipes the sweat off my forehead, his touch gentle. In the wake of the cloth, he leaves a few soft kisses. i can feel a smile grow on my face.

"Hungry?" he asks quietly.

i shake my head.

"All right. Come on." He turns off the light and climbs into bed beside me.

i'm awoken not by the familiar beeping of my alarm but by a gentle touch on my shoulder. "Sweetheart?"

i recognize Kurt's voice, forcing myself awake. If he wants something, i can't let myself sleep through it-

"Shh, Blaine. It's all right," he murmurs into my ear. "I just want us to talk, sweetheart. You were exhausted last night, and you needed to sleep. But now I need you to listen to me, okay?"

"Okay."

"We should leave for breakfast in about an hour. I figure that's enough time." He reaches over to the bedside table and turns the light on. "How are you feeling?"

"Good. Sore."

"Do you like that?" he asks, and his tone is calm- no judgment, no worry, no anger. Just a question.

"Yes." i still feel like i have to explain, though. "i feel... good. i don't know. It hurts but... not very much, and now i'm not... now i'm not worried, i guess? i mean, i was... you saw me yesterday. i was almost..."

"Hysterical," Kurt offers. "Why do you think I did this?"

"And now... Now i feel... safe. With you. You'll take care of me," i say, realizing i believe it as the words come out of my mouth.

"Yes," Kurt says. "I'm so glad to hear you say it. I was worried... really worried, sweetheart, that you didn't know how much I... I care about you. I really... I know that sounds strange, but I care, Blaine, and I don't think you've ever had that before. Fuck, your parents didn't even notice when you disappeared for four months. And I just... I'm glad you know... Nothing like that will happen to you again, sweetheart. I promise. I'm here now."

"Thank you."

"No." He kisses me softly. "Thank you, baby. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for giving me a chance. Thank you for being patient with me, and letting me work through my... nervousness. I guess that's all it is. Im nervous that I won't be... that I won't be what you need. That I can't push you far enough or make you feel enough. And now I know." He pulls me into his arms, holding me close. "I know you're ready to leave him behind. I know you're mine now."

"i am," i agree.

"Blaine. Sweetheart." He kisses me again. "I'm so grateful, and so proud. I'm proud of what you did last night... and I'm proud that I can call you mine." With a gentle touch to my face, and an almost wondering expression, he murmurs, "This beautiful boy. Mine."

The day is uneventful. We eat breakfast together, hurried after spending the rest of our extra hour (and a little bit of extra time) spooning on my bed. i wasn't about to tell Kurt he was making us late, not when he kept kissing the back of my neck like that, feather-light and so careful. Sometimes i can barely believe it when he treats me like this. It feels perfect in his arms, treasured and protected... and safe. There's a feeling i'm not ready to put a name to.

Well, i know what it is. But it's too soon.

So i don't say anything, just kiss him before class and spend my day feeling something.

Something new, and a little scary, and definitely good.

i also spend a lot of time shifting in my seat, because the chairs at Dalton are quite rigid, and my backside is quite sore. It's not altogether unpleasant, though. Every time a little shock of pain goes across my skin, i can't help but remember... Kurt put that there.

And he said i did well.

When i get back to the room, after rehearsal and a brief meeting with the counsel, Kurt is in the middle of doing homework. He swivels around to greet me.

"Hi, sweetheart."

"Hello."

"Good afternoon?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Fine." He smiles. "I need you to come over here, sweetheart."

i obey instinctively, recognizing the tone in his voice. It's not quite the same tone Sir used to use. There's always a gentleness in Kurt's voice when he talks to me. But nonetheless, i know i have to listen when he uses that particular tone.

"Good boy. I want you to pull your pants down." His voice trembles a little. "Just for a moment. I need to make sure you're not bruising too badly."

"Oh." i had hoped he wanted sex for just a second there. Nonetheless, i undo the clasp on my pants, tugging at them so the fabric falls to my knees.

Kurt's hand, cool and careful, traces over the skin of my ass, and i hiss. "Does it hurt?" he inquires.

"Yeah."

"Bother you at school?"

"A bit. Not... not in a bad way, but i felt it."

"Give me a scale of one to ten. Ten is during the whipping, one is not hurting at all."

i shrug. "A four, maybe. But on the scale of all the pain ever, it's like a two."

"Okay. So you're all right?"

"Yeah."

i jump as his hands touch me again, colder this time.

"Sorry," Kurt mutters. "Just going to rub this cream in to help with the bruising, okay?"

"Okay."

He works quickly and silently. The cream is cool, even cold, as it touches my blazing skin. "You've got some bruising," he comments. "Nothing too bad."

"i'm sure i've had worse," i mutter, and then flinch. i know he won't like that.

But Kurt doesn't say anything, just rubs the cream into my skin. "Does that feel better?"

"Yeah. Doesn't sting anymore."

"Good. There's some kind of muscle relaxing herb in that cream, so it should help stop you from swelling or bruising. If you don't feel better by bedtime, we'll get you some ice, okay?"

i wince at the thought of an icepack on my ass, but nod.

"Good boy. You have work to do?"

i nod. "Always."

"I'll grab the pillow. You can pull your pants back up now."

Kneeling is actually much more comfortable than sitting on my sore ass, especially with Kurt's hand idly stroking through my hair. As i open up my textbooks, i sneak a glance up at him and realize that he's stopped studying altogether. Kurt is just watching me, carefully, caringly.

i blush and look back down at my books.

i sleep in Kurt's arms again that night. It surprises me how quickly i've gotten used to that. Five days ago, i was sleeping on the floor and dreaming of being in a cage. i woke up screaming more nights than not and i didn't go a morning without burning myself or a night without cutting.

Everything has changed so fast. For the better, of course it's for the better, but it's strange.

It's strange not to have to take breaks from studying because the sadness gets too much and i have to cry for a while. It's strange to eat as much as i want at meals because i don't have to worry that it's too much because Kurt told me not too. It's strange to wake up feeling safe in Kurt's arms instead of huddled on the cold floor, clutching my own sides, trying to hold in the painful empty feeling.

Kurt says that's all over now... and it's strange how readily i believe him.

This is easy. It's easy to let him hold me. It's easy to kiss him. It's easy to do my homework kneeling at his feet.

But then, it was easy with Sir at first. i fell into that relationship without even pausing to consider what i was saying. Something told me i was going too fast, part of me was terrified, from the first moment, of what i was promising.

But i wanted it too much to care.

What if i'm doing the same thing? That's the question that haunts me all day. What if i'm doing what i did before? What if i'm not ready for this?

It's too soon to say i can get better. It's too soon to say i can be what Kurt needs.

He wants a boyfriend. He wants to take me out on dates and hold hands and kiss and cuddle.

i like that. i like it a lot more than i ever thought i would. But i don't know how to do this.

i can be someone's sub. Someone's good little pet. i have no problem pliantly taking a spanking or kneeling at Kurt's feet. It makes me feel comfortable, makes me feel safe.

i don't know how to be someone's boyfriend. i don't know what Kurt wants me to do. i don't know how to be good enough at that. It confuses me. And it scares me.

This is new. It feels natural, and good... but what if i'm doing it all wrong?

i know i was the first openly gay boy Kurt ever met. He didn't have a ton of options in that hellhole of a public school, but he's at Dalton now. There are plenty of gay boys, and bi boys, who'd love to be with someone as beautiful and fabulous as Kurt.

And what happens when he realizes that? What happens when he figures out he can get a different boyfriend, a better boyfriend?

i know i'm not easy to be with. i'm needy. i'm broken.

Kurt would be so much happier if he didn't have to deal with my issues. If he didn't have to face the choice between punishing me and me hurting myself. If he could fuck me without feeling like he's pushing me too far.

He shouldn't have to deal with this. He deserves the perfect first love.

And i'm anything but.

"What's on your mind?" Kurt calls softly, calling me back to where we are- having dinner together, in the middle of the crowded cafeteria.

"i... Kurt, i..." i don't want to explain it. i know he'll comfort me, and i know he'll pity me.

Two things i don't want.

"All right." He reaches out his hand, and i take it over the table. "You don't have to tell me, sweetheart. Just... I can tell you're upset. And whatever it is, I'm here."

His voice is so sweet and sincere that i almost believe it.

i don't tell him, though. We finish our dinner in silence. When we're done, he leads me back upstairs.

"i have a lot of work to do-" i say quietly, not wanting to interrupt Kurt's plans once they've started.

"Okay." Kurt kisses my forehead. "But I want to take care of you tonight."

"i-"

"Can I gag you? While you work?"

i nod. "Of course."

"Good boy." Now he kisses my lips, gently. "Just grab my hand and squeeze it if you want to be let out." He rustles through the closet and takes the same small red ball gag out that we'd used before. "Open up."

i let my lips fall open. Carefully, he presses it against my lips. He buckles it around the back of my head. i let my tongue flit against the rubber, tasting it. It feels nice in my mouth... secure. i close my eyes relaxing, enjoying it, until Kurt calls my name quietly.

i look up at him. He pulls me close, squeezing me against his body for a moment. i just enjoy the affection for a moment, until he lets go of me, letting me go to my knees to do my homework. Instead of doing his own homework, Kurt pulls the piece of paper we'd been making the list on out. He sits at the desk next to me, though, petting my hair as he often does.

It's nice. Really nice. My nervousness from over dinner has faded significantly. i feel really secure now. Safe. i think it's the gag. Like i told Kurt a few days ago, i like the feeling of it. It takes a lot of the daily pressure away. All i have to do is relax and focus on the task at hand.

And Kurt is petting me gently.

i feel happy again. So happy.

It's still unusual, still unfamiliar. But every time, it gets a little bit easier. Every time i feel this way, it gets a little easier. i'm getting used to this. It'll get better eventually. i really feel like this is going to work. Maybe it's only because of the gag, because of the kneeling, because of the petting. But i can't shake the feeling.

He's going to stay with me. He's going to be here.

i'm not okay now. i'm not going to be okay for a long time.

But he'll be here while i get closer to better. He'll be here until i am okay.

And when i am...

Maybe i will be good enough after all.

Luckily, i'm not nearly so busy the next afternoon. When we get back to the room after rehearsal, an hour in the library, and dinner, the day is ours.

Or evening, rather.

"What do you want to do?" Kurt asks. "Watch a movie? Talk for a while?"

i shrug. "Anything you want."

He sighs. "Blaine..."

"No, really. i don't care."

"I know." He reaches for my hand, squeezes it softly. "I wish you did, though."

"What?"

"It just seems like... you're so afraid to tell me how you feel. Like I said before. When I ask you something, it's because I want an answer."

i lean in and kiss him.

"That's not an answer," Kurt teases.

"Yeah. It is." i blush. "You asked what i want to do tonight."

"Oh." The look on Kurt's face is unreadable. "Sweetheart, I thought we talked about-"

"I didn't mean... not all the way. Just..." i trail off. "Sorry. It was stupid."

Kurt takes my hand, and i look up at him, surprised. "It's not stupid," he murmurs. "I asked, baby. Like I said, you can always tell me."

"i don't... Kurt, i..."

"Shh." He pulls me against his chest, and i let my head rest on his shoulder, my face against his neck. "Good boy," he murmurs, and i shiver.

"Thank you, Kurt-"

"Shh," he repeats. i tremble against him for a few moments.

When i'm finally calm, he pulls away.

"Lie down," he murmurs, gesturing towards the bed, and my eyes widen.

"Good boy," he says when i obey. Gently, Kurt grasps my wrists, pulling my arms up over my head. "Stay there. Don't move."

"Yes, Kurt," i all but moan. This is good. This is something i understand.

"I'll stop if you move," he says quietly, firmly. "I'm not going to tie you up or hold you down, so if you need me to stop, just move away."

"Okay."

"Good," he murmurs. Kurt sits on the side of the bed, looking over his shoulder at me. i meet his eyes, wondering quite what that expression means.

"Kurt, i want-" i begin, then bite my lip, surprised at myself.

"Yes?" he asks quietly, carefully, and i shiver. That's what the look in his eyes is.

Hunger.

i feel desire. Happiness.

Relief.

i thought he would never...

"i want you to touch me," i confess, my voice hushed.

"Blaine," Kurt says, his voice full of emotion. He reaches over towards me, his hand hovering over mine. He doesn't quite touch me, and i resist the urge to reach out for him. "Before I met you, I used to think this was as sexy as I wanted things to be."

Gently, he lets his fingertips brush against mine, and i have to force myself to stay still.

"And now..." Kurt sighs, not unhappily, straddling my hips and crushing his lips to mine. i gasp against him, happy, as his tongue slips into my mouth. "Now I want so much more."

"Have it," i offer, my voice breaking. "Kurt. Please."

"Sweetheart, I-"

"i'm yours," i promise eagerly. "Take what you want, Kurt. Anything you want."

He bends over me, crushing his lips to mine again.

Kurt is straddling me, his hips across mine, and he stretches his arms out. He laces his fingers through mine. Gently now, he kisses me, his lips soft as he squeezes my hands.

i don't quite know what to do with myself, and i'm just starting to feel a bit awkward when Kurt murmurs, "Relax, sweetheart. You're doing so, so well."

"Really?"

"Yes." Kurt nuzzles into the side of my neck, his warm breath ghosting across my skin, and i shiver. "You want me to tell you, Blaine? How beautiful you are? How fucking sexy?"

"Oh, God-" i moan as Kurt's mouth brushes against my neck. "Please, Kurt, please-"

"You're gorgeous, Blaine. You're a beautiful, beautiful boy. I wanted you from the first moment I saw you- do you know that? It wasn't just because you're the first other gay guy I ever met. It's because you're perfect."

His tongue touches my skin, wet and warm, and i tense, struggling to stay in place when i want to buck up against his body.

"You're such a good boy, Blaine. It's so fucking hot to know... you'd do anything." His voice is thick with... emotion? desire? something as he breathes the words out a half an inch from my skin. "Anything I told you to. I didn't even know... I thought it was just a fantasy. Kind of an idle one. I thought I'd probably go through high school without ever having a boyfriend, much less... much less this."

He shifts positions again, so he can more easily kiss my lips.

"Much less anything. Everything." He kisses me again. "Beautiful," he tells me again. "God, I want you so much."

"Are you going to-" i start to ask, before realizing how rude the question is.

"No," he promises me. "I'm not... I don't think we're ready for that. Not yet. I don't want this to be all about sex, sweetheart." He kisses me again, his tongue sliding into my mouth, and i let my lips fall open, let him explore. After a moment, he pulls away. "I want you to know..." he hesitates. "I want your body, Blaine, but I want so much more, too."

i blush, and he smiles.

"Like that. You're so cute when you blush, and I want to know what makes you do it. What makes you laugh. What you want, what you need. I want all of you."

"i'm yours," i promise again, and he kisses my forehead.

"I know."

The way Kurt's hips are pressing into mine makes his erection obvious. i realize it suddenly, having been all caught up in the emotion of the moment, but i can feel it.

i made him hard.

i'm surprised at how much that pleases me. i would have thought it would be something else. Frightening, even, for him to be aroused. Not just because sex always, always hurt with Sir, but because i wouldn't know what to do for Kurt.

But i'm not afraid. i'm not even nervous.

i like it. i like knowing that i'm the reason he's turned on. i like that he wants me, even if he has some hang-up about fucking me. i like the feeling of it, too, pinned underneath him with his hardness pressed against mine.

Because i'm turned on too. i want this every bit as much as he so obviously does. i want to be his, want to be taken... want to be right where i am, pinned underneath him, our fingers laced together, his lips on mine.

i'm breathing hard now. Every time he pulls away, i gasp for air, before he seals our lips back together. Kurt's teeth drag against my lower lip, the slight edge of pain just turning me on more.

i want to rub against him, want to beg and plead for more, but my words are lost into his mouth and i let my eyes close, let myself just enjoy it.

This moment feels so right.

Kurt's lips are warm, trailing against mine sweetly, then sucking at my mouth almost fiercely. He lets his hands trail down from my fingers so he's holding my wrists, and i moan into his mouth. He must have heard it, though, because he takes that as encouragement and grasps my wrists tightly. He holds me like that for a moment as we kiss, and then pulls away to look at me.

i open my eyes and see him staring down at me, his eyes wide. "Beautiful," he repeats. "Sorry. I know I said that already. It's just... You're so..."

Apparently lost for words, he kisses me again. my lips tingle, swollen from all the making out we've done already, but it's far from an unpleasant sensation.

And then he pulls away.

i moan, frustrated, and he smiles down at me.

"Sorry, sweetheart. If we go any further... I'm just not going to be able to restrain myself."

"Do you have to?"

"Yes," he assures me. "I just... I want to wait, Blaine. I know you don't, but... we're going to. And it's sort of non-negotiable."

"Please?" i try, and he laughs.

"Hot as I find it when you beg, no." He kisses me, chastely, and then stands up.

"But you're..."

"What?"

i blush. "Hard."

He swallows hard enough that i can see. "Yeah."

"Don't you want me to-"

"No." Kurt is standing up now, moving away.

"But i should-"

"No," he says again, more firmly. "But you were wonderful, Blaine. So good. I'm just going to hop in the shower, and then we'll go to bed, okay?"

"Okay," i grumble.

i didn't mean to listen in. Not REALLY. But there's not much else to do, since he didn't say i could move, and i don't want to disobey.

So i hear everything clearly. i hear the water click on. i imagine him stepping under the showerhead, the water running down his naked body, and i swallow.

i really wish i was in there with him.

And then i'm picturing that. Picturing him kissing me. His strong hands pinning my wrists to the slick tile, just like he did against the bed. His hips grinding against mine, but naked this time, his bare cock rubbing against mine. i can't imagine what that would feel like, being touched so intimately, having Kurt, beautiful Kurt, so close to me.

i hear him moan, and realize what's happening.

He's jerking off. i wonder if he's picturing me, too. If he wishes i was there with him.

Part of me is tempted to stand up and walk in, to just go join him.

To let both of us have what we want.

But that's not going to happen. i know my own mind, and i'm far from capable of directly disobeying. He told me to stay still, and i'll do it. i've obeyed orders a lot more onerous than this. Just staying still.

i'm certainly not going to let my hand sneak down and stroke my erection in time to the moans i can hear coming from the shower.

Tempting as it is.

But i know that would be bad. He told me to stay still. Besides, i know better than to come without permission. i did it only once with Sir, and it didn't end well.

"Blaine," i hear, a long, low moan of my name. That sound makes my dick grow more. my pants are kind of painful now.

Then the water shuts off. That moan must have been Kurt coming. After that, he emerges fairly quickly, a towel draped around his waist. There are still a few droplets of water clinging to his chest.

"Sweetheart?" he asks.

"Please-" i moan.

"Blaine, you know you can move, right?"

"Oh." Embarrassed, i blush. "Sorry."

He sighs. "It's okay, baby." He turns to look at me. "Blaine, you-"

"Please," i repeat, slowly shifting onto my knees, and his eyes widen.

"Sweetheart-"

"Please. i need... i need..."

"I know," he murmurs, crossing the distance between us. He sits on the edge of the bed, gently reaching out for me. He strokes my hair comfortingly, knowingly. "I'm not sure... I'm not sure what to do here."

"Let me- please-"

"I'm not ready," he admits quietly. "Blaine, I just..." He sighs. "Maybe this is selfish of me. But I don't want my very first time... to end with you upset and scared. I don't want to try and push the boundaries with this, because I want my first time- our first time- to be perfect. I don't want you to be thinking about him or what he'd want or what you'd do to please him. Just... I need it to be just the two of us."

"It is," i promise. "i want you, Kurt. Just you."

"I'm not sure that's true," he sighs, and i flinch. "See?" he murmurs. "I wouldn't ever hurt you. And there- you were afraid. Of me. And that's... That's just about the least sexy thing I can imagine, sweetheart. Sorry. But I can't do this."

"But i want-"

"Good," he says softly. "I'm glad you want this. I'm glad you want me, and that you're not afraid or nervous to admit it. That really... that makes me really happy, love. But I can't... I can't let it be..."

"What?" i inquire carefully.

"I can't let my hormones get in the way of doing the right thing. I feel like I would be taking advantage of you, Blaine."

"What?" i repeat, indignant this time.

"You've made it very clear that you feel like you have to take care of my sexual needs, Blaine. And you don't. I haven't asked you to, and I won't... not yet, anyway. And until you know that you can be... Be my boyfriend, be my sub, without ever having to have sex with me, we can't."

"But i need... i need, please-" i say, aware that i'm begging, and Kurt leans over, kisses me sweetly.

"I'm sorry," he repeats, more firmly this time.

"Kurt, please. We don't have to go all the way. But I need-"

"Oh," he says, realizing something. "Blaine-" He hesitates, and then nods slowly. "All right."

"Really?"

"Tell me," he says, his voice calm but firm. "Tell me exactly what you want, sweetheart."

i blush. "Wh...why?"

"Because I have to know that what I'm doing is what you want." He smiles. "And because I like to hear you beg."

"Oh."

The expression on Kurt's face is steady and composed. i don't know what to read into that expression.

"Wait," i say quietly, feeling a hint of nervousness.

"What's wrong?"

"Just..." i bite my lip before asking the question. "You really want me to... be honest, right? You said you wouldn't punish me, not ever, for answering a question honestly."

"That's right."

"Even if you don't like the answer?"

"Even then." He tries to smile comfortingly.

"I meant it," i say quietly.

"What?"

"When i said i wanted you to... to fuck me. i meant it."

"I know." He looks right in my eyes, and i believe him. "Blaine, it's not that... it's not that i think you're lying to me. I trust you. I'm just... I'm just not ready yet, myself. Like I said. I don't want our first time to end badly. I want both of us to be... to be a hundred percent sure."

"Okay," i murmur.

"But there's something else. You need something."

i can't meet his eyes. "It's been... it's been such a long time-"

"Since what?" he prods gently, and i look at the ground.

"Since i came," i say, the words heavy in my mouth.

"What?" he sputters.

"Sorry." i blush furiously, trying to get back onto my knees. "i'm sorry. i never should have-"

"No." Kurt regains his composure quickly. "Don't freak out, sweetheart. It's all right."

"It's not my place. i shouldn't-"

"Blaine." At the sound of my name, i look up and meet his eyes. "Sweetheart, listen. It's all right. You're all right."

"But i... i'm... forget i said anything."

"No," he says, firmly. "Shh." Kurt leans over, kissing me softly. "I get the feeling this conversation will be a bit easier if you don't have to face me."

i nod. "Thank you."

Carefully, Kurt maneuvers our bodies so he's sitting, back to the headboard, with me in between his spread legs. i let my head rest back against his shoulder as he reaches down, taking my hand. i take a few deep breaths, feeling the racing of my heart slow just a little. "Now," Kurt says. "How long?"

"i... Kurt, i..."

"Simple question, sweetheart."

"Four months."

i can hear Kurt fighting to keep the surprise out of his voice. "What?"

"Well... i... um, i usually try not to. Because... because Sir told me... He told me never to touch... what was His. and i..."

i squeeze my eyes shut to force the admission out.

"i didn't want to disobey Him. Even after He left me, i still thought..." i choke out a sob. "i thought maybe... maybe He was just testing me. Seeing how i would do without Him. if i'd still be good without Him watching. And then He didn't come back."

Kurt's hand tightens around mine.

"Stupid. i'm stupid. i just couldn't... i tried, a couple of times. And it just got so bad... the guilt, the worry, that i couldn't stay... you know. Hard. And then i'd go running for my razors. The only reason it happened a couple months ago is... well, it was in my sleep." i blush, past embarassed and into ashamed. i'm fairly sure this is a whole new realm of freaky, and if this doesn't scare Kurt...

i'll be very surprised, to put it mildly.

There is a long pause. As it drags on, i get more and more nervous. And then, finally, when my stomach is truly churning, Kurt says, quietly, "Good boy."

"What?"

"Good boy." He presses his lips to the soft skin just under my ear. "I know that was hard. You did a good job answering my questions."

"i thought-"

He sighs. i can feel the breath against my skin. "I'm never going to get angry at you for something he did, Blaine. I promised you that, and I mean it. You're not responsible for the shit he put you through."

"i-"

"I know it changed you, sweetheart. A person can't go through something like that with no consequences. And none of it is your fault." He cuts me off before i can protest. "I know you think it is, but you're wrong. And I don't blame you for it. None of it."

"But Kurt-"

"No. No buts." His hand squeezes mine. "There's... well, it's not that there's nothing wrong with it, because you shouldn't be unable to feel good. That's awful and it's wrong, but it's not... there's nothing wrong with you because of it." He kisses my neck softly, then lets his mouth trail up to my ear. Gently, he whispers, "And I hope we can change it. Very, very soon."

Sorry for the delay with this chapter. It was a hard one to write, and I wanted to make sure to do it justice.

"What?" i ask, not quite believing my own ears.

"You've been so good, Blaine. This conversation, yeah. I'm really... I'm really proud of you, sweetheart. But it's more than that. You're just... you're incredible. And I want you to have the things you want. I want to make you feel good."

"But i-" i hesitate. "i shouldn't... i'm not allowed..."

Kurt's tone changes. He's not sweet anymore. Now he sounds almost angry. "Who do you belong to?"

"You," i answer automatically.

"Really?"

"Yes, Kurt, you know th-"

He cuts me off mid-word. "Just me. You're all mine?"

"Yes, Kurt," i reply, trying to keep my voice mild.

"And whose orders do you follow?"

"Yours."

"Who decides when you come?"

i pause. "Y-you."

"That's right, sweetheart." At the pet name, i relax. "I don't want you doing what he told you, Blaine. I don't particularly give a fuck what he told you, about when you're allowed to come or anything else. You know my rules are different. I would never make you go that long. It's unreasonable and cruel. So here's the new rule." He kisses my neck softly, and i sigh happily at the reassurance the touch brings. "Whenever you need to, you're allowed to get yourself off. However you'd like. You don't need to ask my permission, but i do want you to tell me at the earliest possible date. Not, like, running into the dining room and humiliating yourself. Whenever we're alone, just let me know, so I can keep track of it. Okay?"

"O-okay..." i stammer. i'm not sure i'll be able to bring myself to do it, though.

"And I will keep track, Blaine." Kurt's voice is firm, but his hands are gentle as his thumb draws little circles on the back of my hand. "So be honest with yourself about what you want and what you need. Because you deserve to feel good, sweetheart."

i don't agree with him, but i don't want to argue, so i lean back into his chest.

"And tonight..." Kurt hesitates. "Tonight, I want to... I want to make sure."

"Make sure what?"

"I know it will be hard for you," he says quietly. "The first time, after so long, and dealing with the guilt and everything. So I should be there. To help you."

Desire courses through me, and hope, and need.

"No," i whisper.

 

"Why not?" Kurt asks quietly.

"You aren't..." i look down, not sure what to say. "i don't know... what you want me to..."

"The truth, please. Tell me the truth."

"You don't want me," i manage, my voice thick. "Kurt, you don't want to do this, i know that. You've made it really clear you aren't ready for, or interested in, sex. And i don't want you to do anything you don't want to, just because you think i-"

"I want to," he says.

"But you don't, Kurt. i can tell you don't. Or you would have-"

"Would have done what?" he prods when i stop talking.

"Would have taken me already."

Kurt sighs. "No, I wouldn't have." He kisses the top of my head. "Sweetheart, you know why we haven't. I don't want to take advantage of you. It's not that I don't want you, beautiful. I just want you for more than that."

"But i-"

He continues, ignoring my interjection. "But now you need me, and I'd like to take care of you. You don't have to say yes. If you don't feel comfortable going that far, just tell me, and we don't have to. But I want to. And of course I'll take no for an answer, baby. But not until you believe that."

"i don't... i don't know..." i whimper, confused.

"Remember before? When I was kissing you." He trails his lips down my neck in imitation of those caresses. "Did that feel like I didn't want you?"

"N-no-"

"You are so gorgeous," he murmurs into my ear. "I want you so much. God, Blaine, the things I'm going to do to you-"

"You're sure?" i ask him again. "You really want to-"

"Yes," he whispers into my ear. "Please, Blaine."

That isn't right. He shouldn't have to beg me for anything.

"Please let me." He kisses my neck, making me shiver, and i nod.

"Yes, Kurt. Yes. Please-"

"You're sure?" he says. "You can stop me, Blaine. You don't have to let me do this."

"i know," i say, turning my head so i can sort of see his face. It's an awkward angle, but i think i can make him believe me. After all, i'm telling the truth. "i'm ready."

He hesitates. "Promise me. When you said no, it was because-"

"i didn't want you to do anything you didn't want."

"And now-"

"i believe you do want this, and i want it to," i repeat obediently, before adding a quiet, "Please, Kurt?"

"Yes," he groans. "God, yes." He manages to brush his lips against mine, then laces his fingers in my hair, guiding my head back to rest against his shoulder. i turn it just slightly, letting my face rest against his neck.

"Please," i mouth against his skin. "Want it so much. Want you to touch me." i let my lips press against him, tasting his sweat, and somewhat shocking myself with my forwardness. "Touch your boy."

Kurt moans aloud. "Fuck, Blaine."

i rock back against him, letting the curve of my ass rub against his crotch. "Anything you want. Please."

"Shh." With one touch of his hand to my hip, he stills me. His fingers brush down my thigh, a gentle, soothing touch, before creeping back up toward the waistband of my pants. "No need to beg, sweetheart. I'll give you what you want. Everything you need."

"Yes," i moan, as his teeth nip sharply at my ear, sending an unexpected bolt of pleasure through me.

"Like that?" he asks.

"Yes."

He undoes the fasten on my uniform pants, letting them gape open. "Fuck," he murmurs.

i blush. "i... um... i got out of the habit of wearing underwear." Because Sir sort of had the habit of ripping them off, but that might kill the mood if i said it aloud.

"God, you're..." i can feel him swallow. "You're fucking perfect."

i shiver. No one's ever said anything like that to me before.

"I never... Blaine, I never expected... that this would be so easy." He laughs once, almost harshly. "You know me, with my baby-penguin hangups and all. I thought... I thought sex was such a big deal. Anything sexual. And with you... I can barely help myself." He slides the fabric of my pants down so they're hanging around my hips. "Do you have lube, sweetheart?"

"Bedside drawer," i gasp. i can feel Kurt shifting behind me to reach it. He squirts a little of the gel into his hand. i've never used this before- it's there just in case.

This is a pretty lucky case, turns out. i can hear Kurt closing the top of the lube, setting it back on the bedside table.

"Please," i whimper. "Kurt, please-"

"What?" he asks.

"Sorry?"

"Please what, beautiful?"

"Please touch me, Kurt."

Laughing, he runs his clean hand along my thigh. "I am."

"Touch my dick," i all but whine, and Kurt chuckles. "Please," i add hastily.

"Mm. How can i say no to a proposal like that?"

And then suddenly he's touching me. He's touching me, and it feels... it feels so good. His hand closes around my erection, forming a loose fist. "Put your hand over mine," he orders softly. "Show me how you like it."

i let my right hand wrap around Kurt's.

"Good boy. Go on." He squeezes just slightly. "Move me how you want me to."

i blush. "Kurt, i-"

"You can do it." He kisses my shoulder, open-mouthed and wet. "I know you can."

"But it's so..." i pull my head away from his shoulder, looking to one side. "Just... do whatever you want. i don't care."

He reaches around with his free hand, pulling my face over so i have to meet his eyes. "I do," he insists. "Show me."

i bite my lip and obey. Almost of its own accord, my hand moves, carefully at first. It's strange, the delay between my touch and the pleasure i feel as Kurt's hand brushes my oversensitive erection. But when he doesn't do anything except move with me, i start to gain a little bit of confidence.

i move his hand a little faster, a little more roughly. He takes the clue and tightens his grip, following my lead to twist at the end of every stroke, letting his thumb trace across the head.

i let my own hand fall away, Kurt taking over now, taking control. It feels good. It feels right. i let myself rest against his chest. He's so strong. He doesn't look it, usually, but i can feel his body against mine, and it feels safe.

It also feels amazing, as his hand moves faster, his own confidence growing.

"Please," i murmur.

"Please what?"

"Don't stop."

He doesn't. In fact, his hand moves ever faster, until i'm moaning almost continuously. It's a struggle to stay still. i almost wish he'd tied me down so i could focus just on the sensation.

"Fuck," he murmurs. "Do you have any idea... This is so hot."

"R-really?" i somehow manage, despite the fact that my mind is firmly on the sensations.

"Yes," he growls, sinking his teeth into my neck. i gasp and jerk my hips into his hand.

"Sorry."

"Don't be," he smiles against my skin. "Did I hurt you?"

"Good," i reassure him. "Feels... oh, God, Kurt-"

i feel his smile grow broader. "Good. You have no idea how much i like this."

"What?"

He strokes particularly hard, and i thrust again. "Making you fall apart. You're so... so beautiful, Blaine."

"Kurt, i-"

"I want you to come for me. I want you to show me how much you want this."

It won't be hard, after so long, and then that half-hour pinned underneath Kurt with his lips trailing all over my upper body. "Tell me... Kurt, tell me to. Please."

He bites my neck again, then licks a stripe up to my ear. "Come," he orders, one word, low and harsh.

i all but scream his name as i obey.

Kurt murmurs, "Good boy," into my ear, and i shiver.

"Did... did i..."

"You did very well, sweetheart," he reassures me.

"Thank you," i say, and i mean for much more than the words.

"Was it good for you?" he asks. "I don't mean to sound cliche, but I just- I meant to let you keep control, but instincts just kind of took over, and-"

"It was perfect," i tell him. "Really perfect."

"Good." He kisses my cheek. "Let's get you some rest, sweetheart."

"Don't you want-"

Kurt shakes his head. "Next time, okay? I promise. I need to just... adjust to this a little first."

i don't protest further. The idea of sleep just sounds too appealing.

i'm pliant as Kurt manhandles my shirt and pants off me.

"Do you want me to get you some pajamas?"

"i usually sleep in boxers," i explain. "That's why i had them on the other day. Forgot to take them off."

He chuckles softly and stands to offer me a clean pair from my closet. Kurt strips down to his own underwear. He's still half-hard, but by the time he gets a washcloth from the bathroom to clean us off, he's softened almost completely.

Kurt somehow finds the motivation to return the cloth to its proper place before climbing into bed next to me. He pulls me into his arms, and i smile.

"Good night," i tell him.

"Good night, beautiful."

i wake up before Kurt.

He looks peaceful in his sleep. He's really a beautiful man. i'm lucky to have him, i muse happily, and then i remember.

i remember last night.

He looked beautiful then too. i could barely see him, sitting on his lap, but i remember. He wasn't angelic, peaceful, like he is now. No, he looked like some kind of ancient god, full of power and confidence and sex.

It felt so good.

i don't deserve that.

i don't deserve this.

It strikes me suddenly, painfully, like a blow.

How could i let this happen? i let Kurt touch me. And that's okay, of course that's okay, because he can touch me however he wants. i'm his.

But he made me come. He made me feel so incredible, and he wouldn't let me do anything in return.

And i didn't ask. Well, once, but i didn't insist. i didn't beg to be allowed to bring him pleasure like i should have, like a good sub would have.

Maybe that's all it would have taken. If i had begged properly, if i had shown him how much i wanted it...

instead, i just let him put me to sleep. i gave in to what i wanted. i didn't pay any mind to him.

Selfish. How selfish can i be? How can i even call myself his sub when i'm letting him bring me pleasure without so much as giving him the same in return? It should never be about me. Never.

It's about him.

It should always be about him. That's the first lesson Sir taught me. Well, third. After always obey and never lie, He taught me that the most important thing is the Dom's pleasure.

i want to serve. i like to serve. And without that...

Without pleasing Kurt, my submission is nothing. It's a joke, it's a lie.

And i'm never supposed to lie.

my self-deprecation turns abruptly to horror. From vague discomfort, i suddenly know what i have to do.

i have to change things. i have to be better.

Just a week with Kurt and his sweetness, and already i've slipped so very much. Kurt wouldn't mind. Kurt would probably say he's proud.

But i want him as more than the proud, supportive boyfriend. i want the roughness and the dominance i know he's capable of.

And i'll give and give until he snaps.

Until he takes me.

Kurt stirs in his sleep. His eyes flutter open. "Blaine?" he murmurs.

i don't respond.

His half-open eyes land on me. "Sweetheart, why aren't you in bed?"

i duck my head and don't respond.

"Blaine." His voice hardens. "Get back in bed, sweetheart. It's, like, four in the morning."

An order. i have to...

But i should stay here. Sir always said so. Like a good pet.

Kurt sighs. "Blaine. Get in bed. Now."

Suddenly scared, i climb back into the bed.

"Good boy," he says, and i would smile at the reassurance but i don't deserve it. i haven't been good. i haven't earned it. "Now tell me what's wrong."

i close my eyes. i can't face him. i can't look at him and tell him i'm not good enough.

"All right," Kurt says, calmly. Too calmly. "I don't know what the hell is going on, Blaine, but it's unacceptable."

my eyes snap open.

"There's something wrong. I can tell you're upset, sweetheart. There are these scared vibes just absolutely rolling off of you. So I'm not angry. I can be patient with you... It's obvious that that is what you need, baby. I'm not going to punish you, unless that's what you need, but you are going to tell me what's wrong, and you are going to apologize for the way you're acting." His voice softens. "You're scaring me, Blaine. I gave you a direct order that you just ignored. I haven't had to repeat myself before. And now you look... you look terrified."

"i'm sorry." i hope he can read the sincerity in my eyes. "i didn't mean... didn't mean to make you worry, Kurt."

"That's all right." He smiles slightly, then bends to kiss my forehead. The touch soothes me, even the gentleness, which i know i'm not supposed to crave as much as i do. "Now tell me what's wrong."

"Kurt, i..."

"Shh. I'm not going to hurt you, baby. Not unless you ask me to."

"It's not that."

"Okay." His voice is easy, accepting. "You don't have to want that. You don't have to want anything. I'm asking, Blaine, and you do have to tell me. The truth."

That i can believe. i know i'm supposed to tell the truth. "i just... i need..."

"Yes?" he prods gently, and i know i'm headed in the right direction.

Shame washes over me. How do i put this into words? This perversion, this need... i'm not supposed to feel this way. i know that. i know there's something wrong with me, that i ache for it- to be hurt, to be controlled, to be used. i should want what Kurt's given me. i should want love and gentleness and kindness.

Not to be broken and beaten and taken.

"i want... to be yours," i manage, and Kurt sighs.

"You are."

"No. No, i'm... i'm your boyfriend. And i'm happy to be. i know you like that, and i want you to have... whatever you want. But i'm not... not yours. Not really."

He growls.

There's no other word to describe the noise that comes out of Kurt's mouth. I wouldn't have thought him capable of it- usually he sounds like an absolute angel, especially when he sings. This, though... this is raw and animalistic and i realize suddenly it's going right into my gut, turning me on but also turning me inside out.

Kurt grabs my wrists, forcing my hands up to either side of my head as he straddles my hips.

"Not mine?"

"Kurt, i-"

He kisses me, rough, his lips bruising against mine. "You think you aren't fucking mine?"

"i wasn't-"

"I told you. You belong to me now. Me, and no one else. Just because I'm taking good care of you, proper care of you, unlike that..." He trails off, too angry to continue. "That doesn't mean you aren't mine. The difference is that I want you to enjoy it. That's part of what I want from you. I want your happiness just as much as I want your submission."

"But i-"

"And there's nothing wrong with wanting me to dominate you. I can see it in your eyes, sweetheart. I can tell you're upset. Ashamed. And you shouldn't be. Just because I want to take proper care of you doesn't mean I don't want to take you."

i bite my lip, not sure what to do now that he's called me so completely.

"I make the decisions here. I call the shots. You're mine. Isn't that what you want?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy. And when I decide I want to hold you, or kiss you, or make you come- that's my decision. And I don't want you worrying about it. If I think you deserve pleasure, sweetheart, I'm going to give it to you. If I don't, I won't. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Kurt."

Suddenly, he sounds very young again. "And what I want, right now... is for you to sleep. In our bed, with me, feeling safe and happy. Can you do that for me?"

Honesty. "i don't know."

"Try." He kisses my forehead. "Wake me up or stay in bed, sweetheart. No other options."

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy. Good thing tomorrow's Friday. We'll have all weekend to talk. For now... rest."

Squeezing my eyes shut, i force myself to do so. He releases my wrists, snuggling back into place next to me. i can feel his eyes on me until i drift to sleep, restlessly.

i wake up feeling surprisingly... safe. It isn't the first time I've felt this, sleeping next to him. There's something about Kurt's presence that calms me.

"Morning, sweetheart," he murmurs.

"Good morning, Kurt."

He rolls over to kiss my cheek. "No morning breath this way- but I do want a proper kiss. Go brush your teeth so I can- I'll make the bed while you do."

"Yes, Kurt."

"That's my good boy."

i can't even express how relieved i am. i perform the mindless task quickly, rotely, my whole self filled with happiness.

i didn't have to explain it. i didn't have to ask again.

Kurt is giving me exactly what i need.

When i'm finished brushing my teeth, i walk out of the bathroom.

"I'll go do the same," Kurt informs me, somehow having managed to dress in his uniform and make the bed in the two minutes i was in there. "You get dressed and pack up your schoolbooks for the day."

"Yes, Kurt."

He smiles at me, lop-sided and charming, before strolling into the bathroom. There he stays for quite a while, presumably styling his hair- my own is no longer a concern, since Kurt made it pretty clear he doesn't want me tormenting myself over it as I had for so long.

When he walks back into the bedroom, he's still smiling. "How about that kiss, sweetheart?"

"Yes, Kurt," i reply, my tone submissive but my eyes darting up to meet his. There's something playful in his glance, a little naughty, but he does no more than press his lips gently against mine, cupping my cheek in his hand.

"Good boy," he murmurs as he pulls away.

"Thank you."

"Let's go get breakfast." He wraps his hand around mine and leads me down the corridor. When we're in the cafeteria, i hesitate at first, before Kurt says, "You go find us a place, sweetheart. I'll come join you with the food."

"Thank you," i whisper breathlessly.

"Of course." He stretches up onto his tiptoes to kiss the curls on top of my head. "Just a moment, baby."

And it really is. i'm barely finished sliding my satchel under the unoccupied table when Kurt slides in across from me with two trays of food.

"Eat," he tells me, sliding one over. "Finish it, but don't rush. We've got plenty of time before classes."

"Yes, Kurt." As i dig my fork into an omelette, i feel a gentle touch on my knee under the table, and my eyes snap up, fixing on Kurt.

"Blaine."

"Yes?"

"Is this what you need?"

There are all kinds of things i could say. i could deny it, because i'm ashamed. i could try to convince him he's wrong, because i know this isn't what he wants. i could claim i don't need it, because i'm not ready to give in that far yet.

But he told me i could always tell him the truth.

"Yes, Kurt," i say, finally, simply. "It is."

"Good boy," he praises me gently. "I can see it's not easy for you to admit. But remember this, sweetheart. I never want you to be ashamed of what you need from me. You can always, always ask. For anything. If I can't give it to you, I'll tell you."

"Yes, Kurt."

"I would never, never leave you or punish you for asking me for something you need. And if you need me to take more control... Just tell me." He pauses briefly, before asking, "Is this enough, baby? Am I giving you what you need?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good." He smiles. "You're a good boy, Blaine. I want you to feel safe when you're with me. I never want you to doubt what you are. Mine."

i blush, pleased, and look down at the table.

"Almost time to go to class, baby."

i nod imperceptibly, feeling a sort of terror in my gut at the thought of being seperated from Kurt.

"Shh. This is what I want you to do, sweetheart. Go to your first class, and pay attention. Focus on the moment. I'll meet you in the halls afterwards. If you need me, for any reason, say you feel sick, go back to our room and then call me. I always keep my phone on in class, in case Dad gets sick again, and the teachers know that. I'll tell them it's an emergency and come straight to you. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Will you be a good boy and call if you need me?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"That's my boy." He reaches across the table, takes my hand, and gently draws it up to his lips. He kisses my fingers softly, warmth in his eyes.

"Th...thank you, Kurt," i manage, not quite sure what to make of that expression.

"Go," he says quietly. "Don't want you to be late, love."

i hurry off to class. The hour goes by extremely slowly- i can barely wait for the chance to see Kurt again. i have a distinct feeling that something interesting is going to happen today.

As promised, he's waiting for me outside the classroom. "Hey, beautiful."

i blush. "How did you get here so fast?"

"I ran."

i notice his face is a little flushed from the exertion. "You didn't need to."

"Yes, I did." He wraps a hand around my waist, pulling me in for a kiss. "I missed you."

"You too," i stammer, looking up at him.

"You're all right?" he asks in a low, intimate voice. "I didn't like leaving you alone."

"I'm fine," i assure him. "i would have called if i needed you."

"Good. Good boy." He shoots a glance around the hall, realizing there are other people around, and steps just slightly away from me, letting his hand trail from my waist to my hand. He laces his fingers through mine, and i smile.

"We need to go," i sigh. "Unless-"

"We're not skipping class," he insists. "This is a boarding school- I'm pretty sure they know where to find us."

"Right."

"I'm not sure I'll make it to walk you to your next class," he says as we begin strolling towards the math wing. "Text me to tell me you're all right, or if you're not."

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy," he says, quietly enough that no one will overhear. He squeezes my hand.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For... i don't know, Kurt. For being so..." i pause, trying to find words that are enough to express this. "So wonderful."

"I'm trying," he assures me. "Really. I want to be everything you need."

i smile. "You are."

"Really?"

"Yes. i can't... i can't explain, how wonderful what you've done for me is. How grateful i am that you-"

"Shh," he says. "Nothing to be grateful for, sweetheart. I'm so glad you're mine."

i cast a glance over at him. "You are?"

"Yes." He squeezes my hand again, his thumb drawing little circles on my palm. "Believe me, Blaine. This is... this is a dream come true for me, too."

i lower my eyes.

"Don't you believe me?" he asks, his voice low, intense.

"No, Kurt," i admit quietly.

"Thank you for being honest," he says, his voice clearly strained. "I... I can't blame you, sweetheart. I know you have had your trust... broken before. And I can understand wanting to doubt yourself for someone else's cruelties."

"It wasn't-"

"Do not defend him to me right now, Blaine. I can't handle that."

"i'm... i'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize, either. What class are you going to? Math? I know how hard Cooper is on absenteeism, I wouldn't want you having to explain that you missed it because you needed a spanking."

i blush. "Kurt, i-"

"We'll talk later, baby. Okay? I need... I need some time to think this through. And we need to go to class."

"i didn't mean to-" i pause, biting my lip. "i didn't mean to hurt you, Kurt."

He turns to look me in the eye. "While we're being honest? It did hurt. It hurts to hear that you're hurting, and it hurts to know that I haven't helped you as much as I thought. I know you've had a long time to believe you're not good enough, and not long at all to believe you are, but I would be lying if I said it didn't really, really hurt me to hear you say that."

"Kurt, i..." i can't apologize, he wouldn't like that. "i don't know what to do," i admit.

"You don't have to do anything, Blaine. You did what I asked you to, which was to tell me the truth, and I'm very glad. It would be horribly unfair of me to do anything negative to you as a result of that honesty. It is hard, I'm not going to lie and say it's easy, to hear what you just said. I wish you trusted me. I wish... I wish we could just be happy we found each other, without worrying about anything else. No criticism, sweetheart. Nothing like that. I just... I just wish that you could be happy. Happy with me, preferably."

"i am," i say.

"Not enough. Baby, if you still feel... you aren't happy enough. But... You will be, okay? I promise I'll find a way to show you how much this means to me. How happy I am that you're mine."

"Okay," i manage, the one word feeling impossible, like some kind of vast and terrible promise.

"Go to class," he sighs. "Text me when it's done, or call if you need me."

"i will."

"Promise?"

"Yes, Kurt. i promise."

"Good boy." Kurt smiles. "I know today has been rough, sweetheart, but luckily we'll have some proper time to talk tonight, okay? And I'll see you at lunch."

"Yes, Kurt."

"Have a nice rest of your morning."

"You too." i look at him, nervously, until he turns away, leaving me to rush into my class before the bell rings.

That class goes by a lot quicker. It probably has something to do with the sick pit of dread in my stomach as i try to figure out what Kurt is going to do.

i hurt him. i really, really hurt him, to use his own words.

It's strange, to have the power to hurt my Dom. i never had any power when i was with Sir. Honestly, i lived with Him for four months and i still couldn't tell why He was angry, why He would hurt me, why He was gentle when He was, much less manipulate it.

Not that i would try to manipulate Kurt. But it's... not quite uncomfortable, though i almost feel like it should be.

It's different. I can settle for that. it's really very different.

Lunch is very awkward indeed. i sit in silence, facing Kurt, feeling the heat of his eyes on me. He's watching me, just watching me.

We need to talk, but short of that conversation there's nothing much to say, and we can't exactly have it out here in the middle of the cafeteria.

So we watch each other in silence.

"I'm sorry," i say, just as we finish eating. i have no appetite, but i choked down my food. Kurt was clear that i'm supposed to finish what he gave me, so i do.

"Blaine, I told you not to say that."

"i know. But i am. Not... not because i'm... troubled, not because you're my Dom and i want to please you. but because you're my friend, and my boyfriend, and i care about you and i hurt you and i'm sorry."

He pauses, considering this statement. i hold my breath while he apparently decides whether or not he's going to get angry at me for saying that. Then he smiles, blindingly bright, obviously... pleased. i did the right thing. "It's all right, Blaine. It is... it is hard to hear that, but not just because it means you don't trust me. It's hard to know you're in pain. I really want you to be happy. And if I'm not making you happy, as happy as you can be, that hurts."

"i'm trying," i assure him. "i know you're trying really hard, but i do want you to know... it isn't a one-sided effort. i want to be what you want me to be."

"Such a good boy," he murmurs, but then glances at his watch and winces. "We'll finish this conversation upstairs, after class."

"Yes, Kurt."

Luckily, we never have rehearsal on Fridays. A little more time to spend with him.

"i'm looking forward to it," i say, meaning it.

"You aren't in trouble," he tells me quietly. "I don't want you to think I'm going to punish you for anything you've done, said, or asked for today. It's been hard, but... you've really been such a good boy."

"Thank you, Kurt."

"I'll see you later," he says, casually now as we stand and walk within earshot of other people.

"Yeah."

What can i do? i have to find some way to reassure Kurt that i do want this. i really am grateful for everything he's done. i wish he would realize how happy i am with him. i'm so much happier today than i was before this started. i need it.

i know that's not exactly a good thing. i shouldn't need to be owned. But i do.

And now i'm owned by someone who is so, so good to me.

i've got to tell him that. Maybe i don't have exactly the right words to say it, but i can figure them out. i have several hours of rumination during my afternoon classes.

By the time the bell finally rings, i've figured it out.

It's not going to be hard, honestly.

i go to our room, rushing a bit so i know i can beat Kurt there. i hesitate for a while about whether or not to strip. Eventually, i decide on yes. i fold my clothes carefully because i know how much Kurt hates sloppiness.

i pull the pillow i'm now in the habit of kneeling on on the floor next to the desk, and settle myself on it so Kurt will be able to work or talk or whatever while stroking my hair in the way he's so obviously fond of. Not that i don't like it.

i bow my head, keeping my eyes trained on the door so i can jump up abruptly if anyone walks in. i spread my knees slightly, so i'm basically on display, and focus on breathing slowly, calmly, as i mentally run through what i'm planning on saying to him.

And then the door opens.

"Blaine?" Kurt says quietly. "Sweetheart, are you all right?"

"i was wrong," i say. "When i said i didn't trust you. i mean... i can't, completely, not yet. And i appreciate that you understand that, and i'm grateful for it. But i thought about it, Kurt, and the thing is... i wouldn't do this if i didn't trust you. That wouldn't have been true a week ago. Then, i would have submitted to anyone who would have me. But now... i, um, i know you don't want that. And so i won't try and... and do anything that would... that would make me doubt you, that would make me scared of you. i just... i'm so glad to be yours."

"Blaine," he murmurs, his voice filled with wonder. "God, you're so... you're so mine, aren't you?"

"Y...yes, Kurt."

"You'd let me do anything. Or you would have. But I told you not to, I ordered you to stop me if you needed or wanted me to... and you'll do that too." His tone is musing, moving, as though he's trying the shape of the words out so he can make himself believe them.

"Yes, Kurt."

"You're... God, you're fucking perfect, baby, I can't believe-" He grabs me by the hand, roughly pulling me up to my feet and pushing me against the wall so he can kiss me. His clothed body rubs up against my naked skin, and i whimper.

"i just... i just wanted you to know, Kurt. How i feel. Um, i'm not always the best at... at saying these things out loud. How i feel. It makes me nervous. It scares me. When i was..." This isn't an easy admission, but it's one i need to make for both of our sakes. "When i was with Sir, i never knew what i would say that would piss Him off. After a while, i just... i just stopped. Talking, i mean."

"Oh, sweetheart-"

"And with you, it's different. i can talk to you. i can tell you..." i bite my lip. "i can tell you that... you're so good for me. Too good for me, maybe. But... thank you. Whether or not i deserve it, just, thank you."

"Of course you deserve to be happy," Kurt sighs. "But I'm very relieved to hear that you trust me. At least to some degree."

i smile. "Good. i want to... to please you."

"You do. Every minute. Even when you say or do something that makes me upset, makes me sad... you still delight me, Blaine Anderson, just by being you."

i flush and Kurt kisses my forehead. "And by being yours?" i ask, needing the reassurance of what i am. Who i am.

"Yes. That too. That especially."

"Thank you," i whisper, meaning it all, as i let Kurt pull me into his arms and hold me close.

"I'm going to ask you to put your clothes back on," Kurt murmurs into my ear. "You're beautiful like this, baby, and I think I might make you strip again when we're back in our room, but we have to move my stuff."

"Right. Forgot about that," i say.

Kurt catches the tone in my voice and kisses me on the neck, just under my ear. "Shh. Don't be embarassed, sweetheart. You're gorgeous."

"You... you don't think it was silly?"

"No," he murmurs, his voice low. "I thought it was hot as hell."

"R-really?" my voice squeaks up a whole octave, and i blush.

"Yes. God, baby, finding you like that? Kneeling, waiting for me? So fucking hot."

"i'm glad."

"You're beautiful," he tells me. "A beautiful, perfect boy. So eager to please me. So ready to... to change, for me. Do you know how wonderful that is? How special that is? And that it's you... You know what a crush I had on you, right?"

i nod, listening intently to his words, his praise, as i pull my uniform back on.

"Stop," he orders calmly. "Leave the tie and the jacket."

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy. You really are such a good boy."

"Thank you," i say quietly.

"Now come with me. I'm going to need a hand, if you don't mind."

i get the feeling that he's asking me for help as a boyfriend, not ordering me to do something for him as a sub, but it doesn't make that much of a difference anyway.

i want to help. i want to help him, not because i'm scared of what he'll do to me if i don't, not because i think i have to to be his or to be with him, but honestly just because i like Kurt, and i like it when Kurt's happy.

i do like to please. That's what drove this whole thing anyway. i wanted to make someone feel good, to get the simple pleasure of knowing i was good enough.

i was desperate for it. Desperate enough that i wound up searching on sketchy internet sites.

That i wound up letting anyone who wanted me take me, have me, possess me, destroy me.

i smile as Kurt's fingers slide through mine and look up at him, grateful.

i'll never need that again. Even if Kurt does realize how much better he deserves, even if he does decide to leave me someday, even if it's someday soon...

i know i can have something like this. Just knowing it exists is enough.

Kurt kisses me, gently, before we walk into his old room. Will is already gone for the weekend.

"Everything on that side of the closet is mine," he informs me, pointing to the half of the small room that's absolutely stuffed with clothes, while the other is sparsely hung with jeans and a few button-up shirts. "Just take it armload by armload and try not to wrinkle them too much."

"Yes, Kurt."

"I'll handle the non-clothes items, since those are a little harder to differentiate. I'm pretty sure you can pick my fashion sense out of a line-up."

i laugh. "You aren't exactly restrained in your style, no."

"Don't insult my clothes, Blaine. It'd be a nasty shock for Will if he ran in here to pack for the weekend and found you over my knee."

"Sorry," i tease, not sorry at all.

"Get going. I want you back in our room, back on your knees."

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy," he murmurs. "I can't wait until we have nothing to worry about but each other. Two whole days, just you and me."

Luckily, the homework load is light this weekend, so he's pretty much right. "Yes, Kurt."

"Are you excited?"

"i... i don't know what you have planned."

"You'll see," he teases, his voice cheerful.

"i'm looking forward to it."

"That's my boy."

i head out into the hallway with an armful of Kurt's clothes. i'm careful not to wrinkle them- i know Kurt is very particular about what he wears, and what's important to him is important to me.

His boy, i think brightly to myself, hanging the clothes neatly in my closet and heading back for more.

i finish hanging Kurt's clothes as he organizes his schoolbooks in a neat pile on half of my desk.

"Thank you," he says, looking up when he's finished.

"What?"

"Thank you. For opening up to me. Your room. Yourself. All of it."

"You're welcome," i manage, slightly befuddled

Kurt smiles and reaches out for me, taking my hand. "Well, you've been a very good boy, Blaine."

"Th...thank you, Kurt."

"And I'd like to give you something, as a reward."

"Thank you, Kurt."

"I know you feel insecure about your own submissiveness, and whether or not I really want to be with you."

"i-"

"You've come a long way towards conquering that, and I wanted to... I wanted to reward that, and encourage it, at the same time."

"What-"

"I have something for you. To show you. Um."

He turns toward the books he's just finished piling and plucks a single sheet of paper with neatly typed words on it from the top of the stack.

"This is for you," he says, his voice almost nervous.

i close my eyes for a second, not quite making sense of the first words i read, before i can make sense of what this says.

A Contract  
Between Kurt Elizabeth Hummel and Blaine Darien Anderson

"You know my middle name?" i say, looking up.

"Hmm? Yes, of course. I looked it up on the school website after that first day." He smiles. "Those are the rules- you have to know someone's middle name before you can kiss them."

"Really? Oh. i mean, Elizabeth isn't easy to forget, and i guess you were-" i blush, trailing off, and his smile turns into a smirk.

"Indeed."

i bite my lip and turn my attention to the paper- which is very attention-worthy.

Under the heading, there is a brief introduction.

First draft, March 3rd. This contract will be revised and edited at any point by either party to the contract. When both parties have agreed upon a draft of the contract, and find no more changes to be made after a waiting period of seven calendar days, the contract will be signed and will become official.

"Oh, God, Kurt-"

"Too fast?" Kurt asks quietly. "I understand if you don't want to start talking about permanent things now, Blaine. We just got into this. But I just wanted to... to show you how serious I am about this, and how much... how long I expect it to last."

Terms of Initiation

After signing, Kurt will present Blaine with a collar. At this point, all terms of contract will be in full and immediate effect.

Terms of Release

Blaine may, at any point, remove his collar. This will indicate that he is not, at the moment, submitting to Kurt or available to do so. Kurt will not enquire as to the reasons for this decision or make any reference to the contract or its contents until Blaine has chosen to replace his collar, if he does so. If Blaine wishes to permanently end the contract, he should inform Kurt and return the collar. He may do this at any time. Kurt may not end the contract...

"What?" i say aloud, stunned.

"Keep reading," Kurt says, something strange in his voice. A tension, a weariness.

Kurt may not end the contract unless he fears for his own or Blaine's mental or physical health or Blaine violates one of the hard limits.

"Fuck, Kurt-"

"Keep reading," Kurt says, and this time it's an order.

He may, however, call for a break to redefine the terms of this contract at any time. During this period of negotiation, the collar will be removed and they will negotiate as equals.

"I wanted you to know," Kurt whispers. "I want you to believe... how much I want you."

i smile at him. "i do."

Periods of Negotiation

As mentioned above, Kurt may call for a break to redefine the terms of the contract at any time. Blaine may also do so, simply by stating that the contract needs renegotiation. The collar will be removed and they will negotiate as equals. When an agreement on new terms of the contract has been reached, the new contract will be signed, the collar replaced, and the old contract will be filed safely. Kurt will be responsible for saving drafts of the contract, but both Kurt and Blaine must have a current copy of the contract in their possession to avoid debate.

Hard Limits

Kurt interrupts, seeing where i am on the page. "I didn't really differentiate between, you know, yours and mine. I figured it didn't really matter... you know, it's off-limits either way. But if you have a question about anything, ask."

"i will."

i continue reading.

1\. The safeword is Dalton. Both Kurt and Blaine promise to honor the safeword at all times and both Kurt and Blaine promise to use the safeword at any time it becomes necessary. (See "Safeword", below).

2\. Honesty is essential. Any direct question will be either answered honestly or by stating the inability to answer. Blaine will not lie or omit the truth in an attempt to please Kurt. Kurt will not lie or omit the truth in an attempt to protect Blaine. Conversely, Kurt will never ask a question of Blaine that he is not prepared to hear an honest answer to.  
2a. If either person is unprepared to answer a question either of them, they will simply say so and the other will cease to ask.  
2b. Kurt will never punish Blaine or revoke a reward for Blaine's honest response to a question.

3\. Blaine is always free to express his needs and desires. If it is during a scene and he does not wish to use the safeword, he will simply say "Wait," and Kurt will stop temporarily to hear what he has to say. If further discussion is required, he will use the safeword and the normal waiting period will not apply.

"Waiting period?" i ask.

"It's further down. If either of us safewords, we wait 24 hours before starting another scene."

That's a pretty good idea. i nod and continue reading.

4\. The relationship is sexually exclusive. No sexual contact with anyone else is to be allowed. Sexual contact is defined as kissing on the lips, contact (clothed or unclothed) with the genitals, and full nudity with another person present. This rule excepts any nonconsensual or accidental contact.

5\. If Kurt is not physically present in the room, Blaine is not required to follow any orders he may give. Kurt may give orders for Blaine to follow when he is not there, or by text message, phone, or another medium, but he cannot punish Blaine for not following if Blaine feels unsafe. Blaine will never be left restrained in any way while Kurt is not in the room.

6\. Urine, feces, and vomit will never be used in sexual play.

7\. Blaine will never address Kurt as Sir.

i look up. "It's that important to you?"

"What?"

"That i don't... call you that. You'd seriously put it down as a hard limit?"

"Yes," Kurt murmurs, and i bite my lip.

"Oh."

"I'm not him, Blaine."

"Never thought you were."

i look back at the paper and continue reading.

8\. Play that could leave any form of permanent mark or cause any permanent harm is impermissible.This includes, but is not limited to, needleplay, burning, or piercing.

"What if it's an accident?" i ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, if you accidentally break my skin or something."

"I doubt I'll ever hurt you like that."

"But still. i think you need some leeway for mistakes."

"Okay," Kurt murmurs. "I'll jot that down. And I have something to add to number seven."

i hand him the paper- our contract- and he scribbles for a moment before returning it to me.

Number seven now reads- "Blaine will never address Kurt as Sir or Daddy."

i look up at him. "Eww, yeah. Good point."

8\. Play that leaves any form of permanent mark or causes any permanent harm is impermissible.This includes, but is not limited to, needleplay, burning, or piercing. Incidental breaking of the skin is an exception to this rule, but requires a reevaluation of the contract.

9\. Blaine will not intentionally injure himself as punishment for any actual or percieved wrongdoing. When he feels the need for punishment, he will inform Kurt.

10\. Kurt will always treat Blaine with care and respect, in and out of any scene, and Blaine will try to remember this.

That's the last rule in the section.

"Is that really something you can- you can put down as a rule?"

"Yes," Kurt says quietly. "Sweetheart, maybe it shouldn't have to be written down... but it does. And I don't ever want..." He breaks off, taking a second to gather his thoughts. "I don't ever want you to feel like I don't care about you. Especially during a scene, I want you to always know how much I- how precious you are to me."

The next section is titled "Safewords."

The safeword is "Dalton." As mentioned above, either party may use it at any time. When the safeword is used, the collar will be removed, all play will stop immediately, and discussion of the reason behind the use of the safeword will stop if the safeword is used again.

"Your legalese is getting confusing," i tell Kurt. i realize how snippy the sentence came out and immediately start to apologize. "Sorry, i-"

"Oh. Yeah. Circle that, and I'll rewrite it so it's a bit more, um, readable."

"Thanks," i murmur, and return to reading.

The safeword must always be respected. This means that play, sexual contact, punishment, and power exchange will stop immediately. No further such actions will be taken for 24 hours following use of the safeword.

"Too confusing?" Kurt asks, and i nod. "Circle that too, then."

"It's not that i don't understand what it means, just that-"

"Yeah, I want it to be totally clear."

"Me too."

Conversely, the safeword is there for a reason. It must always, always be used when needed. Not using the safeword when needed is grounds for immediate dissolution of the contract, as is not respecting the safeword when used.

"It's not that I don't trust you," Kurt says. "I know we've been through this, and you really will use it if you need to. But I just want to have it in there."

"Okay."

During the 24-hour period, Blaine may ask for Kurt to exert dominance in non-sexual ways that do not involve any form of punishment. Kurt has the right to refuse this request.

i'm blown away by that. i can't even formulate just how meaningful that is to me, just how insightful and important and good- "Thank you, Kurt."

"Of course."

If Blaine is gagged or otherwise unable to speak, he will have a safe gesture which will function the same way as the safeword. The standard safe gesture is tapping Kurt's shoulder twice, but may be modified depending on the situation with the prior consent of both parties.

Rewards and Punishments

"I don't have quite as much as I wanted here," Kurt murmurs. "If you could help me expand a little bit- you know, things you don't enjoy, but that you can tolerate, things you like, that would be helpful."

"Sure. We can talk about it when i'm done reading what you've got?" i suggest.

"Of course."

Rewards will be granted at Kurt's disposal, when he feels Blaine has done something particularly worthy of praise or encouragement. He may choose from this list, or ask Blaine to choose. Rewards may be sexual or non-sexual.

1\. An orgasm achieved in the manner of Blaine's choice

2\. A massage

3\. Acting out a fantasy of Blaine's

4\. A light spanking over the knee

"That's pretty much all I've got," Kurt says. "I think we'll have to expand on that."

"Okay."

Punishments will also be granted at Kurt's disposal. Blaine may always use his safeword before or during punishment, and when the waiting period is over the punishment will be canceled. Kurt may choose from this list or choose another punishment with Blaine's permission. Punishments may be sexual or non-sexual.

1\. Spanking

2\. Whipping with a belt or flogger

3\. Orgasm denial

4\. Sleeping on the floor

5\. Writing a letter of apology

"Okay?" Kurt asks, and i pause.

He catches my hesitation before i can go back to reading.

"Blaine?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me," he says.

"Sorry. i... um. About the- the floor."

"Yeah?"

i can't meet his eyes. "That would be- i know punishment-"

"Spit it out, sweetheart."

"i know it would be a punishment but i thought you wouldn't want me to feel that way-"

"What way? Slow down, baby. I'm not going to get mad."

"i just... i hate... i did that to myself, i let Him do that to me, because i felt- worthless. Like... like i deserved to be... treated like less than a person. And i don't want to feel that way again. i... i love sharing your bed, Kurt. You don't even know... how good it makes me feel. How safe, and... close to you. i feel close to you, as your sub, but also as your boyfriend. It means so much to me. And i just think it's fair for you to know... that i would probably be really upset if i couldn't do that anymore. If i fucked up enough to deserve punishment... i'm already going to feel terrible, and i'll... i'll be so... You know how i get," i finish lamely.

"Yes," Kurt murmurs, his voice low, sympathetic. "I know. I don't want to trigger that kind of suffering- certainly not. We won't be doing that."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I'll cross it off the list right now."

"i- thank you-"

"Do I need to put that down as a limit, or can you leave sleeping arrangements as a relationship thing, and not a contract thing?"

"It's fine. Doesn't need to be written down."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. Even if it has to happen, sometimes- that's fine. i just think, as a punishment-"

"Hey." Kurt hushes me carefully. "Don't worry about it, Blaine. Absolutely. You're absolutely right."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." He smiles, and pulls me into his arms. "And I think you've earned a reward already."

"For what?"

He kisses my forehead. "For telling me. For being so brave, and so good, and telling me what you don't want. I'm so proud of you."

i let my head rest in the crook of his neck and smile.

"As soon as you finish reading. Tonight. A reward for my good boy."

"Thank you, Kurt."

"Thank you for being so brave for me. It really is what I want."

i relax against him, letting him hold me as i continue reading.

"There's still more?" i ask, surprised.

"Yeah. And this is only a first draft, sweetheart."

"I wouldn't have thought... that it would need to be so long."

"Well, I want to make sure that you're protected. That everything you need, you know I'll give you, and everything you don't want, you know I won't try to do to you." He kisses me softly. "Finish reading it, baby."

Other Play

Other kinds of sexual contact or play may be initiated by Kurt in any fashion that adheres to the hard limits. Blaine may request any kind of play he wants at any time, although Kurt is not obligated to agree. Blaine will follow Kurt's directions or orders during sexual contact or play, unless he needs to use his safeword. Generally, if Blaine feels uncomfortable and does not wish to continue the activity, but does not wish to take a break or end the scene, he may simply say "Stop," and Kurt will stop. Kurt may inform Blaine that this condition is not available during a particular scene, but Blaine will still be able to use his safeword. Blaine will always be able to pause a scene in this way whenever experimenting with a new kind of play.  
Sex and other kinds of play should always be mutually pleasurable. Blaine must never force himself to obey one of Kurt's orders.

"But i-" i break off, remembering that Kurt wanted me to finish reading.

"What?"

"Sorry, didn't mean to-"

"Speak your mind, baby. Or don't you want that reward?"

"i... i didn't... i don't know how to..."

"Just tell me, sweetheart. Trust me."

i bite my lip. "Aren't i supposed to- to do things-"

"What?"

"Just to please you. Not for my sake."

"No," he says, quite calmly.

"But i'm your sub, i'm supposed to-"

"No, Blaine, you aren't. You're supposed to do what I say. Whatever I say. And I say that I only want to have mutually enjoyable sex with you."

He sounds so self-assured. "i just..."

"Listen to me. Nothing I knew you weren't enjoying would be pleasurable to me, Blaine. I would never get off on you forcing yourself through an experience for my sake. I want you to be happy."

"i'm supposed to."

"You're supposed to do as I say, sweet boy. And I'm telling you that this is a rule for us. If you aren't enjoying something, if it doesn't actively feel good in some way, and it isn't a punishment, I want you to say so."

"Kurt-"

"And that's an order," he says firmly, kissing my lips as if to seal the deal.

"Anything else?" Kurt asks. "Things that jump out at you."

"Um. Yeah, one."

"Okay?"

"A limit."

"Of course. Did I forget one?"

i look down. i'm pretty sure this is what he wants. i think telling him this will please him.

"Go ahead, baby," Kurt encourages me gently, and i take a deep breath.

"Um. Other people. Can we- can we expand on that a little?"

"Sure."

"i don't want... anyone watching. Or to do anything in public, where someone might- walk in on us. i know that the danger can be appealing, but it scares me. i don't want to get in trouble, and i don't want anyone but you to see me like that."

He nods. "Right. Let me jot that down."

It amazes me how calm he is about all this. How he can be so thoughtful and so ready to change things when i ask, the way he's treating me like a person and an equal even as we're negotiating a document that spells out how i'm not, is wonderful to me. A bit unbelievable, but wonderful all the same.

"That it for now?" he asks.

"Yeah. Think so."

"Great. Why don't we go get some dinner?"

"i thought-"

"Dinner first. Then a reward. Then we'll go to bed."

"Okay," i agree.

He takes my hand. Together, we walk downstairs to the cafeteria. It's almost eight o'clock, i realize. With all the moving, and then our talk, the afternoon went by fast.

i'm looking forward to the rest of the night.

We eat with a couple of other Warblers-- Ashish, Christian, and some freshman whose name I can't remember-- grabbing a late-night snack in the midst of an evening's rehearsal.

"Rehearsal? But it's Friday night!" i say, finishing up the dish of chocolate pudding Kurt put on my tray.

"We're hoping for some solos later this year. No offense, Blaine," Ashish says with a grin.

"None taken. Everyone should definitely get a shot. I know I don't have the best voice, I can't figure out why I'm always getting solos-"

"Seriously?" one of the guys says. He's a freshman, and i'm blanking on his name, which makes me feel a bit guilty. Derek? Something like that.

"What?"

"Your voice is incredible, Blaine," Kurt tells me firmly.

"R-really?"

"Yeah." Kurt smiles at me, and the other boys make "aww" noises until we storm off in a mock-huff. Kurt ruins it by turning around to wave goodnight at them.

He grabs my hand as we head upstairs, and i squeeze his fingers. "Do you really think that?"

"That you're a beautiful singer? Yes. And I'm pretty sure everyone else does. I mean, art can never be completely objective, but you have a very lovely voice, and you're a great performer."

i don't know what to say, so i settle on "Thank you."

Kurt leads us into our room. "I'm going to lock the door."

"Okay."

"I've chosen the reward already. I want you to strip naked and put away your clothes."

"Yes, Kurt."

i obey quickly, eager for more orders, more contact, just more.

Kurt finishes locking the door and sits on the bed. "Come here, sweetheart. Lie across my lap."

"Um, sorry, how do you want me-"

"Here." He stands up, taking my hand so he can guide me into place as he sits back down. He arranges us so that i'm lying across his lap, my ass up in the air, my naked cock pressing into his thigh.

i blush at my exposed position.

"All right?" Kurt murmurs.

"Yeah."

"I want you to close your eyes, sweetheart. And enjoy this. It should feel good."

i swallow, squeezing my eyes shut.

"You sure you're okay?"

"A little nervous," i admit. "Not sure why."

"It's all right, baby. You're with me. Just me." Kurt's hand is on my naked skin now, rubbing my bare ass in gentle circles. "All you have to do is say the word and we'll stop if you don't like it."

"Okay," i manage.

"That's my good boy. Shh."

When my nervousness is gone, and i'm breathing slowly and steadily, Kurt brings his hand down against my ass.

i gasp aloud.

It feels... good. He doesn't hit me hard, just enough to make my skin tingle. It stings, but-

"Good?"

"Yes," i whimper, surprised at the sensation. It's so much like my half-forgotten fantasies, so much like before i ever met Sir. i remember wanting this so, so badly, once.

It's better than i ever imagined.

He hits me again, just a little harder, and then rubs his hand in a soft circle along the place where he hit to soothe the sting.

It feels really good. There's definitely some pain, but it's not severe enough to be unpleasant, and it's not like the kind of pain that comes from accidentally (or intentionally) hurting myself.

It's good pain. Simple, clear, easy to handle. And all i have to do is handle it. i can just lie here, feeling this pleasure, this desire.

Kurt smacks me again, harder, and i grind down against his leg, realizing how hard i am already.

"Good boy," he says, encouraging me to move against him on the next spank as well. i do, the pain and the pleasure an intoxicating combination.

my body feels like it's burning. The heat from my ass as Kurt spanks me seems to be radiating everywhere, up my body, spreading across my skin. i whimper aloud, a high, desperate noise.

Kurt slaps my ass three times, fast, hard, and i groan aloud. His hand settles against the curve of my ass, and he gently guides my movements, encouraging me to rub against him. And i do.

He starts to spank me again, just as softly as the first one, little gentle hits all across my ass, my inner thighs.

i can feel how hard he is underneath me as i grind against him.

Kurt spanks me with one hand, the other moving across my ass in circles. He switches off, spanking one cheek, stroking the other, until his hands slowly moves towards my cleft. He pulls my cheeks apart, and i blush at the exposed position, but something about it arouses me even more.

"Fuck," Kurt whispers, and the lust in his voice spurs me to writhe against him even more. "So fucking hot." He lets one of his fingers just barely trace around my entrance, and i cry out, pushing back against his hand. He smacks me sharply, then takes that hand and makes me lie still, my cock pushed against his leg. He alternates between slapping my ass and letting his finger circle my hole, never quite pushing in.

"Please, please," i beg. "Kurt, please, please-"

He slaps me hard, and i groan in pleasure. "Come for me, sweetheart."

That command is all i need. i obey, all but screaming out his name as i writhe in his lap, my whole body on fire with pleasure.

In a haze of pleasure, i barely register as Kurt has his own orgasm, right in his uniform pants.

The small part of my brain that's able to recognize that fact sings with victory, with pleasure. i made Kurt come. i made my Dom come, from spanking me, from touching me and rubbing against me. Composed, controlled Kurt, coming in his pants because of me.

i smile to myself as he guides me off of him.

"I have to shower," Kurt announces. "Desperately."

i frown.

"Sweetheart?"

"Is it... is it necessary?" i ask. "i mean, i don't... i know how you feel about cleanliness and everything, but i just..."

"I understand," he says. "And I want this to be perfect for you. I'll just go wash up, okay? Just get out of these probably ruined pants. Two minutes, and then I'll be back."

"Yes, Kurt. Thank you."

He kisses my forehead. "You have definitely earned it, baby. I'm happy if you've enjoyed tonight."

"So much. It was a fantasy i'd forgotten i even had... coming true."

"Good." Kurt stands, crossing to the bathroom. He comes out naked from the waist down, and i sneak a quick glance before dropping my eyes, blushing furiously. As Kurt grabs a clean pair of underwear, he says, "It's okay, baby."

"Sorry, i just-"

"No need to be embarassed. After all, I've seen you naked."

"Yeah. Um."

He smiles fondly at me. "I've seen all of my beautiful boy."

i blush, but i'm pleased to hear that. "Kurt, i-"

"You're so gorgeous. So perfect." He crosses over to me, sitting on the bed. "Thank you so much for tonight."

"Thank you-"

"That was incredible. For me."

"Me, too."

Kurt kisses me gently on the lips. "Wake me up if you start to worry, sweetheart. Just in case."

"i will. Promise."

"Good boy. Go to sleep."

i nod obediently, snuggling into Kurt's side as he lies down next to me.

i can hear his steady breathing as we fall asleep, intertwined, at peace.

The next day, i wake up to Kurt holding a tray of strawberries, waffles, and whipped cream.

"Breakfast in bed?"

"Where did you even get that?"

Kurt grins. "It is amazing what the cafeteria staff will do if you ask nicely- and slip them a twenty."

"You did not have the school deliver us breakfast in bed."

"Okay. I didn't. This was a gift from the breakfast fairies." Kurt dips a strawberry in whipped cream and offers it to me.

"You're wonderful."

"Actually, I'm sucking up."

"Why?"

He sighs. "I may or may not have told my dad we're dating. And now he absolutely insists that you come over for dinner tonight. Well, I think Carole insists on you coming over for dinner. I'm pretty sure Dad wants to interrogate you."

"Oh."

"Look. I love my family. I love my dad more than anything. But I'm not going to make you come if you don't want to. I'll tell them you're sick or busy or something." He looks at me firmly. "Sweetheart, I am asking you to do this. As my boyfriend. It's not an order, okay? And whatever your answer is will have no punishments, no rewards, nothing. This is a seperate thing."

"Okay." i shrug.

"Will you?"

"Yeah. i said okay."

"Oh. Blaine, you don't have to-"

"i'll be fine. Don't worry about me. i mean, your dad is a little terrifying, but i can stand up for myself if i have to. And i want to be a part of that part of your life. i know how much your family matters to you. i don't want to get in the way of that."

Kurt sighs. "God, you're wonderful."

"i mean it. i want to be a part of the things that make you happy."

He smiles. "Thank you."

"After everything? It's the least i could do."

He frowns. "Blaine, you act like what I've done for you is so outrageous. Like you can hardly believe it. All I've done is tried to treat you decently."

i shake my head. "That's the biggest understatement-"

"You deserve this, Blaine. You deserve to be happy and safe. There's no need to thank me for it."

"i don't want to fight about this. We'll never agree on it. i just want you to know- that i do feel safe. i do feel happy. And it's because of you." i smile, taking a bite of the waffles. "So, yes. i'll go with you.'

We spend the rest of the day together. We don't do much of anything. Kurt writes up the changes to the contract, and i watch quietly. He says several times "If you want anything to change, just tell me," but i don't. Honestly, i'm perfectly happy with the edits he makes- he's more than considerate of me.

We lie in bed for hours, and when we're tired of rereading the contract, Kurt pulls me into his arms and we just lie there together. We kiss for a while, slowly, until we start to run out of breath. Then he closes his eyes. i rest my head on his shoulder.

"What time are we going over to your house?" i ask quietly.

"What?"

"It looks like you're dozing off. When should i wake you up?"

"Sorry." He yawns. "I've been staying up late working on the contract."

"You shouldn't have," i sigh.

"Yeah. I should've. It's important." He yawns again. "Wake me up at five. Or before, if you need anything."

"i will."

Kurt smiles fondly, if wearily, at me. "That's my boy."

A short while after that, i hear his breathing steady out into sleep. i look over at his face. Calm, motionless-

He looks like an angel when he sleeps.

Smiling, i curl up next to him. i don't close my own eyes, not wanting to oversleep and make us late for dinner with his family. i try very, very hard not to think too hard about that. i know i'll start to panic if i do, and Kurt wouldn't want that.

Kurt has actually been very clear about what he wants, so i'm going to try and do it. His family probably has a mixed opinion of me, and i'm more than a little bit scared of his dad, but i'm sure they'll be polite enough. It seems like they really care about Kurt (and i refuse to let myself be jealous) so they won't want to be too mean, and i've weathered worse things than an overprotective father's speech.

i think

No, i won't be nervous. i also won't do anything that could make Kurt feel like he has to choose between me and his family. i know what he would pick, and i also know he would torment himself over hurting me. He's sweet like that.

He's perfect like that.

i kiss his cheek impulsively, and then smile to myself.

Tonight will be fine. It's important to Kurt, so i'll make it happen. He's done so, so much for me, so i can do this for him.

Five o'clock.

Time to wake Kurt up.

i remember the old days, when i lived in Sir's apartment. When i used to wake him up late in the morning with a blowjob and his breakfast already on the table.

And the thought doesn't make me feel wistful, or frightened.

It just leaves me cold.

i shake off the memory of that time, that... that awful time. And i shake my perfect boyfriend's shoulder until he wakes up.

"Kurt?"

"Mmm?"

"It's... um, it's time to get ready to go."

"Thanks, sweetheart," he mumbles, still tired. i take a deep breath, reassured. A small part of me had been convinced he was going to be angry at me for waking him.

i run a brush through my hair. "Kurt? What should i wear?"

"Whatever you want."

"But i-"

"Here." He hands me a shirt and a pair of slacks.

"Thank you," i whisper, hugging him close for a second. He holds me back, kissing my forehead.

After he pulls away, he instructs me to "Get dressed. We're leaving in thirty minutes."

Kurt disappears into the bathroom for his extensive skincare routine as i change into the clothes he picked out for me.

"Nervous?" he asks as he emerges, straightening the hem of his shirt.

"Yeah."

"Don't be. My family will love you."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I promise." He pauses. "Blaine, listen. I have no doubt at all that my family loves me unconditionally, okay? So if something goes wrong, and we have to leave, we'll leave. They'll understand, they'll forgive me for it. I won't make you suffer through- if you're upset, we'll just go."

"Thank you. But i hope we won't have to."

"I don't think we will. But you just let me know." The last part is firm- not an order, exactly, but i believe he'll be disappointed if i don't.

"i will."

He holds my hand as we walk down to the car. Kurt drives us there, a mix CD of the New Directions' songs playing as we drive there.

We pull up outside the Hummel house, and Kurt smiles at me.

"Try to have fun," he says quietly, and i nod.

"Okay."

We walk in together, and Kurt knocks on the door.

"Dad, Carole, Finn, you've all met Blaine."

"Hello," i say, feeling distinctly lame.

"Call me Burt," Kurt's father says, and i shake his hand.

"Nice to see you all again."

"Come on in," Carol urges, and i follow her into the house. Kurt squeezes my hand, and i look curiously up at him. Isn't he worried about his family having our relationship waved in their faces?

He smiles at me, realizing my concerns at once, and leans in to whisper "I'm proud to have you meet them, Blaine. I'm proud of my family, and I'm proud of you."

i smile back. Carol shows us into the dining room.

"I made pasta. And there's salad, for you, Kurt. And sausages. You aren't a vegetarian, Blaine, are you?"

"No. Thanks."

"Great. I hope you like it."

Burt says, "Carol is a great cook. Kurt used to do a lot of the cooking, but now he's at school."

"We have a little bit of a running contest, actually. Over whose lasagna is better," Kurt teases.

"Not that they let me eat it all that often. After my heart attack, you know."

i nod sympathetically. "Are you doing better? i'm sorry you were ill."

"I'm recovered. Thanks to Kurt's hard work."

Kurt smiles.

"Well, why don't we all sit down and enjoy the meal?" Carol suggests.

"Where's Finn?" Kurt asks.

"Oh," Carol says, her voice small.

"What?"

"Um, we didn't want to..."

"Want to what?" Kurt presses. i flinch, feeling the tension in the room.

"We thought it might be difficult. If he..."

i'm starting to feel a little sick. Kurt drops my hand, focusing on his father and stepmother.

"Did Finn say anything?" Kurt asks.

"No. But he looked really uncomfortable when he said you were bringing your boyfriend over for dinner." That's Burt, straight to the point.

"We didn't want to make anyone unhappy. Least of all Blaine, since he's a guest."

i'm shaking now, biting my lip. i don't know what to do.

i know how much Kurt's brother has done for him. How much Finn matters to him, and how much Finn has protected him and been there for him. And i know how much Kurt loves him.

"Excuse me," i whisper. "Where... um, where's your bathroom?"

Burt points, and i run out of the room.

i'm in there for less than a minute when there's a knock on the door. It's still enough time for me to be properly sobbing when i hear the voice. "Blaine? Open up."

It's Kurt. i don't move.

"Blaine. Now."

His voice is firm. It's an order. "Y...you said, tonight, i didn't have to..."

"Have to what?"

"Do what you say."

"You never have to. It's always your choice, sweetheart. And I'm asking you to choose to open that door, please. For me."

i shake my head, regardless of the fact that he can't see me. "No. Go eat dinner with your parents."

"And leave you crying in my bathroom? No fuckin' way."

"Please. Go."

"What's wrong, baby?" Kurt asks gently.

"i ruined it. i'm sorry. Your family is so perfect and here i am fucking things up."

"You aren't fucking things up! Sweetheart, please, come on out. Let us have the rest of our evening together."

i'm still shaking. "i want you to be happy. Please go."

"I'm not going to enjoy myself with you crying in the bathroom, Blaine."

"Please. i'll just ruin everything."

"You aren't ruining anything."

"i always do," i whimper, tears streaming down my face as i say what i know is the truth. "'s why my parents never asked. Why they sent me away to school. i ruined our family. i was supposed to be perfect, the perfect son, and i'm not, i'm a stupid whore and i-"

"Unlock the door. Now!" he shouts, and i shake. He sounds so angry. And anger means pain, anger means beatings and punishment and abandonment-

"Yessir," i mumble, obeying the order.

Kurt rushes through the door and throws his arms around me. "C'mere. Come here, sweetheart. My sweet boy. Shh. You're okay. You're not with him, not with him, you're here with me. Right in my arms."

i look up at Kurt, and realize. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i didn't... i panicked, i forgot, please don't break off the contract, don't leave me-"

"Of course not. I'm not changing anything. I'm not going anywhere. You're with me. Safe with me."

"Didn't mean to call you that, didn't mean to be so fucking stupid, ruin everything-"

"Hey. Please stop crying, baby. You're not stupid, and you didn't ruin anything. It's okay." He kisses the top of my head. "You think you can calm down and make it through dinner? Otherwise I can take you home."

"i'm fine."

"Don't lie to me, sweetheart."

"Okay. Not fine. i'll make it, though."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Don't want your parents to worry."

He takes my hand and wipes away the last of my tears. "Okay. Before we go back... we are going to have to talk tonight, beautiful. But I'm not angry at you. I'm not going to punish you, or leave you, or whatever you're so scared of. And if we need to leave, you just tell me. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Kurt. i'm sorry i... i freaked out. And called you that. i wasn't trying to... i thought it was..."

"You thought he was there," Kurt realizes.

"Kurt, i-"

"Shh. Baby, you aren't in trouble. I'm sorry you went through that panic. Let's get some food in you, and then we'll get home and talk about this. Okay?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"That's my good boy." He holds my hand back to the table. Burt and Carol are watching with concerned expressions.

"Sorry. Um. Family issues," i explain quickly.

"Oh. You know, I think it's just awful that some parents won't accept their own children," Burt says. "I'm not gay. I'm as far from gay as you can get. Don't think I ever met a gay man before my own son... but I still love him, and accept him, just the way he is."

"Every child deserves loving parents. And if you don't have your own, you have us." Carol smiles. "Now, who's hungry?"

The meal is delicious, but hurried. Burt and i make conversation about football. Carol dotes on me eagerly. She's a lovely woman.

As we're having dessert- a wonderful key lime pie- the door opens. "Hey," a voice says.

It's Finn. i flinch in my seat. Kurt takes my hand under the table.

"Finn!" Carol says, surprised. "I thought you weren't going to be home until..."

"Yeah. Well, Puck kicked me out. Got a, um, pool-cleaning job."

"Isn't it a bit late to be cleaning pools?" Burt says.

Kurt and Finn share a look. "Anyway," Finn says, "Any pasta left? Hi, Blaine."

"Hello," i squeak.

"I didn't know you were coming over tonight."

"Um. Sorry."

"Nah, man, it's cool. Hey, I've got a question."

"Yes?" i ask, frankly scared.

"You're Kurt's boyfriend, right?"

"Yeah."

"So why'd you kiss Rachel?"

Oh. Kurt and i share a relieved look. That's what this is about. "i had some doubts. About my orientation. They were misplaced." She wanted to kiss me. She wanted me. And i was in no frame of mind to be saying no.

"So you don't want..."

"Just Kurt," i assure him, squeezing my boyfriend's hand.

"Cool," Finn says, grinning. "How about that pasta, Mom?"

Carol shoots a glance at Kurt and i. "Oh. Um. Yes, in the kitchen, let me..."

The two Hudsons leave. Burt raises an eyebrow. "You kissed Rachel?"

"It was at that party. i was... not thinking clearly."

"You were drunk," he says.

"Yes."

"I expect you not to do that again," Burt says, and his voice is frighteningly calm. "Especially not when you're with my son. Is that clear?"

"Yes."

"Dad, knock it off-"

"As long as we're clear. No more of that nonsense."

"Clear. Completely." i nod. "i'm really sorry that happened. Um."

Finn reenters the room, a plate of pasta in his hand. He joins us as we eat dessert, and i breathe easily for the first time all night.

Kurt drives the two of us home. He guides me straight back to our room. "On your knees," he orders.

i obey instantly. i'm not sure if he's going to punish me for my panic or if he has some other plan in mind. i struggle not to let myself worry. i'm trying so hard to trust him.

Kurt gently touches my face, making me look up at him. "We're going to talk. Actually, I'm going to talk. You're going to listen."

"Yes, Kurt."

"I'm going to gag you. I don't want any interruptions."

i nod.

"If you need to be let out, you just grab my hand, okay?"

"Yes, Kurt."

He retrieves the ball gag from the closet and puts it in my mouth. i open my lips to make it easier, biting down on the rubber as he fastens the strap. "Good boy," he praises, and i feel a happy little tingle run down my spine. "So beautiful." He sits on the bed, gesturing at me to follow. i crawl over to his feet. Kurt pets me gently for a few moments, before starting to talk.

"It really upsets me that you're so insecure, Blaine."

i close my eyes, feeling guilty. He shouldn't have to deal with my issues.

"I wish you could be happy. I wish you could trust that I'm here, that I'll look after you, and that I care about you. I don't think you're stupid, or worthless, or any of those other things you say. You're a good boy, and you deserve to be looked after and cared for."

i would protest, but i can't talk.

"And I'm going to be here until you believe that. I know it won't be easy. I expect there will be nights like tonight. When you're scared, when you're insecure. I know that. And you should know it won't change a damn thing." He leans over, kissing my forehead. "You're my boy. No matter what."

i smile, relaxing as he touches me gently.

And for a moment, i believe him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three weeks later.

i wake to the sound of Kurt humming quietly as he unties my wrists. As my eyes blink open, i can see him leaning over me.

"Good morning, beautiful," he whispers.

"Morning."

Kurt started binding my wrists at night about a week ago. i had a nightmare, even with him in the room. Turns out he was in the bathroom. my screaming made him realize we needed an alternate solution.

"I have something for you today, baby," Kurt tells me. It's Saturday. Saturday wins the "Blaine's favorite day" award.

"You do?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

He smiles at me. "First, breakfast. Then, homework. Then, presents."

"You're awful," i inform him. "Positively sadistic."

"You love it."

He kisses me again, longer this time. We haven't gone any further sexually, but i'm hoping we will soon.

"Dressed. Then breakfast."

"Yes, Kurt."

He's been pretty regularly giving me this kind of order. He picks out my clothes, gets my food for me... i hate to be such a bother, but it helps. It really does.

Kurt hands me a white T-shirt and a pair of tight jeans to wear. i blink. He doesn't usually dress me in even slightly revealing clothes, unsure of how i'll feel about being on display, but i know for a fact that the shirt has a deep v in the neckline and the jeans are basically skintight.

Then he hands me a jacket, bright enough in color (it's green) to be eye-catching, but loose enough to make me look modest.

"You'll take it off once we're back in our room," he instructs me.

"Yes, Kurt."

"Go in the bathroom and get changed."

i do. i sneak a look at myself in the mirror.

Sometimes i still hate my body. i've gotten over the hair thing, mostly- but looking at myself in clothing this revealing makes me nervous.

i can't imagine anyone wanting me when i look like this.

But Kurt does.

i don't have to understand it. i just have to believe it.

When i emerge, Kurt is dressed too. He takes my hand. "C'mon."

We walk downstairs together. He gets us both omelets and toast. i'm beginning to notice that Kurt generally gets us identical meals, perhaps to forestall my inevitable complaining that he overfeeds me. i haven't actually gained that much weight, it just makes me nervous to be allowed so much food.

But i'm getting used to it. i finish everything on my plate quickly, so i don't have to think too much about it, and then wait patiently for Kurt to finish.

i'm not really in a talking mood this morning, and clearly neither is he. We're both quiet, thinking.

i want to know what the surprise is. But i'm sure i'll like it. Kurt has yet to do a single thing to me (punishments included) that i haven't somehow enjoyed.

When we get back to the room, Kurt says, "Get on your knees and do some homework. Only look at your work. Stay focused, and don't look up or around the room. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy."

He hands me my backpack, as i've already fallen to my knees, and i get to work.


	3. Chapter 3

It's about an hour before Kurt speaks again. i try to obey him, i want to please him. It's difficult to do so. i'm eager to see, i want to know what he's up to.

His voice startles me when it comes. "Close your eyes," he orders me, and i do. i feel him tie something around my eyes- probably a tie, from the texture of the fabric. "You can open them now. Don't look up. Can you see?"

"No, Kurt. Not at all."

"Good boy. Strip. Don't move from your knees."

i fumble with my clothes. i'm acutely aware of how ridiculous i must look, struggling to take off my own clothes. i wish i could see Kurt.

"Beautiful," he says. i almost laugh. i'm not beautiful- i'm clumsy and awkward and- "So gorgeous," he continues. i feel his lips on mine, gentle at first, then passionate. He tangles his hands in my hair, taking my mouth, claiming me.

Then he pulls away, standing up. He's gone for a second, and i assume he's folding my discarded clothes.

His hand settles on my neck. "I want you to crawl across the room for me, sweetheart. I'll guide you, like this, so you don't get hurt."

"Y-yes, Kurt."

"Don't be nervous. I'm right here."

He directs me to turn, then only a few awkward shuffles on my hands and knees until i'm at, presumably, the foot of the bed.

For a second, i feel nothing. i hear the hiss of a match being struck and tense, but try to hide it. Kurt wouldn't want me to be afraid.

Then the blindfold comes off.

"You may open your eyes, sweetheart."

i do.

"Look around."

The room has changed. Not completely, but i'm shocked at how much of a transformation Kurt managed to make in an hour. The bed looks different, black silk sheets instead of the Dalton standard red-and-blue, and he's done something to the headboard. That could be interesting. The lights are off, the whole room lit by flickering candles.

And at the foot of the bed, there is a small, very beautiful, lacquered wood box.

Kurt moves to stand in front of me. He's wearing very tight leather pants and a red silk shirt. He looks beautiful. And powerful.

"Do you know what's in here?" he asks, indicating the box.

"No, Kurt."

He reaches for it, opens the lid.

"It came yesterday. I had to send away for it... I wanted something special."

Against red velvet lies a collar. It's made of black leather, simple, with no decoration other than a small silver lock in the back. As i lean forward to look at it, i see the lock is engraved with Kurt's name.

Looking up at Kurt, i realize he's wearing a key on a silver chain around his neck.

"The contract is done. No changes for over a week. It's ready to sign, if you want."

"This is for me?"

"If you want it. If you'll have me."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been forgetting to update here. My apologies.

"Do i want this?" i scoff. "Are you actually asking me that question?"

"What?"

"Kurt." i look up at him, smiling. "i want it more than i've ever wanted anything in my life."

"Seriously?"

"Literally. i want you to make me yours. Claim me."

"We have to sign the contract first, sweetheart."

"Yeah. Of course."

"Here." He reaches into the drawer and hands it to me. "I want you to read it again. Carefully. Make sure you agree with every word, every part and piece."

"Yes, Kurt."

i scan the now-familiar lines, only actually reading them because Kurt told me to.

A Contract  
Between Kurt Elizabeth Hummel and Blaine Darien Anderson

Final Draft  
March 23rd

Terms of Initiation

After signing, Kurt will present Blaine with a collar. At this point, all terms of contract will be in full and immediate effect.

Terms of Release

Blaine may, at any point, remove his collar. This will indicate that he is not, at the moment, submitting to Kurt or available to do so. Kurt will not enquire as to the reasons for this decision or make any reference to the contract or its contents until Blaine has chosen to replace his collar, if he does so. If Blaine wishes to permanently end the contract, he should inform Kurt and return the collar. He may do this at any time. Kurt may not end the contract unless he fears for his own or Blaine's mental or physical health or Blaine violates one of the hard limits. He may, however, call for a break to redefine the terms of this contract at any time. During this period of negotiation, the collar will be removed and they will negotiate as equals.

Hard Limits

1\. The safeword is Dalton. Both Kurt and Blaine promise to honor the safeword at all times and both Kurt and Blaine promise to use the safeword at any time it becomes necessary. (See "Safeword", below).

2\. Honesty is essential. Any direct question will be either answered honestly or by stating the inability to answer. Blaine will not lie or omit the truth in an attempt to please Kurt. Kurt will not lie or omit the truth in an attempt to protect Blaine. Conversely, Kurt will never ask a question of Blaine that he is not prepared to hear an honest answer to.  
2a. If either person is unprepared to answer a question either of them, they will simply say so and the other will cease to ask.  
2b. Kurt will never punish Blaine or revoke a reward for Blaine's honest response to a question.

3\. Blaine is always free to express his needs and desires. If it is during a scene and he does not wish to use the safeword, he will simply say "Wait," and Kurt will stop temporarily to hear what he has to say. If further discussion is required, he will use the safeword and the normal waiting period will not apply.

4\. The relationship is sexually exclusive. No sexual contact with anyone else is to be allowed. Sexual contact is defined as kissing on the lips, contact (clothed or unclothed) with the genitals, and full nudity with another person present. This rule excepts any nonconsensual or accidental contact.

5\. If Kurt is not physically present in the room, Blaine is not required to follow any orders he may give. Kurt may give orders for Blaine to follow when he is not there, or by text message, phone, or another medium, but he cannot punish Blaine for not following if Blaine feels unsafe. Blaine will never be left restrained in any way while Kurt is not in the room.

6\. Urine, feces, and vomit will never be used in sexual play.

7\. Blaine will never address Kurt as Sir or Daddy.

8\. Play that could leave any form of permanent mark or cause any permanent harm is impermissible. This includes, but is not limited to, needleplay, burning, or piercing. Exceptions may be made in the case of accidents, but if any such accidental harm occurs, a 24-hour waiting period and a renegotiation must take place before resuming play.

9\. Blaine will not intentionally injure himself as punishment for any actual or percieved wrongdoing. When he feels the need for punishment, he will inform Kurt.

10\. Kurt will always treat Blaine with care and respect, in and out of any scene, and Blaine will try to remember this.

Safewords

 

The safeword is "Dalton." As mentioned above, either party may use it at any time. When the safeword is used, the collar will be removed, and all play will stop immediately. It is permissible to discuss the reasons for the use of the safeword. If the safeword is used again, this discussion will stop. The safeword must always be respected. This means that play, sexual contact, punishment, and power exchange will stop immediately. All of these will stop completely for 24 hours after any use of the safeword by either party. Conversely, the safeword is there for a reason. It must always, always be used when needed. Not using the safeword when needed is grounds for immediate dissolution of the contract, as is not respecting the safeword when used. During the 24-hour period, Blaine may ask for Kurt to exert dominance in non-sexual ways that do not involve any form of punishment. Kurt has the right to refuse this request. If Blaine is gagged or otherwise unable to speak, he will have a safe gesture which will function the same way as the safeword. The standard safe gesture is tapping Kurt's shoulder twice, but may be modified depending on the situation with the prior consent of both parties.

Rewards and Punishments

Rewards will be granted at Kurt's disposal, when he feels Blaine has done something particularly worthy of praise or encouragement. He may choose from this list, or ask Blaine to choose. If at any time during a reward, Blaine finds he is uncomfortable or simply not enjoying it, he must inform Kurt at once and he will recieve a different reward. Rewards may be sexual or non-sexual. For example:

1\. An orgasm achieved in the manner of Blaine's choice

2\. A massage

3\. Acting out a fantasy of Blaine's

4\. A light spanking over the knee

Punishments will also be granted at Kurt's disposal. Blaine may always use his safeword before or during punishment, and when the waiting period is over the punishment will be canceled. Kurt may choose from this list or choose another punishment with Blaine's permission. Punishments may be sexual or non-sexual. For example:

1\. Spanking

2\. Whipping with a belt or flogger

3\. Orgasm denial

4\. Making a formal apology aloud or in writing

Other Play

Other kinds of sexual contact or play may be initiated by Kurt in any fashion that adheres to the hard limits. Blaine may request any kind of play he wants at any time, although Kurt is not obligated to agree. Blaine will follow Kurt's directions or orders during sexual contact or play, unless he needs to use his safeword. Generally, if Blaine feels uncomfortable and does not wish to continue the activity, but does not wish to take a break or end the scene, he may simply say "Stop," and Kurt will stop. Kurt may inform Blaine that this condition is not available during a particular scene, but Blaine will still be able to use his safeword. Blaine will always be able to pause a scene in this way whenever experimenting with a new kind of play.  
Sex and other kinds of play should always be mutually pleasurable. Blaine must never force himself to obey one of Kurt's orders.

At the bottom of the page are two blank lines. Kurt hands me a pen and looks expectantly at me. "Well?"

"Yes," i say, one simple word.

i sign, quickly, and hand the pen to him. He does the same.

"Take a deep breath, sweetheart," he urges me, and i laugh. i hadn't realized how nervous i was. "You all right?"

"Yes." i smile, giving myself a second just to feel this, this happiness, this contentment. i was right- this is what i want. What i need.

And Kurt is the person i need it from.

"Just happy," i explain. "Really happy."

"Good." He smooths his hand through my hair. "I always want you to be happy with me."

i tilt my head up to kiss his hand. He runs it down my face, cupping my chin, guiding me to look up at him.

And i can see how happy he looks, too.

For a long time, he just looks at me. i wonder what he sees there. A part of me thinks of when i first met Sir, when He had me stand naked in the middle of the room to be inspected... but this is different.

Because Kurt looks at me with warm, gentle eyes. Like he's glad just to stand beside me. Like he wants me.

"My beautiful boy," he murmurs. "So lovely. So good." His hand leaves my face, and he pulls the box off the edge of the bed. "Will you wear this for me, my sweet? Will you wear my collar?"

"It would be an honor."

He opens the box. i take a long look at the simple leather band, memorizing it before it's put on me and i won't be able to see it without a mirror.

Kurt opens the clasp and places the leather around my throat. Gently, he closes it behind my head. "Comfortable?" he asks.

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good." His fingertips trail across my neck, where the collar sits. "May I lock it, sweetheart?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"You don't have to-"

"i know."

He finds the tiny silver key and locks the collar onto my neck, then slips the key onto a chain around his own.

"Mine," he says, wonderingly, and i smile.

"Yours."

Kurt kneels beside me, and before i know it, he's kissing me, kissing me, his lips on mine, our tongues tangling together, his teeth lightly grazing my lower lip. i whimper into his mouth, overwhelmed with need and emotion, and he pulls away, looking back into my eyes with all the same emotions, the same intensity.

He kisses the collar on my neck, and then stands.

"I can hardly believe this is real," he says, and i can hear the wonder in his voice.

"Me neither." i look up at him. "Kurt? i know i don't have any right to ask this, but-"

"You can always ask, sweetheart. I want you to ask me for anything you want."

"Promise me something?"

"Yes?"

"That you won't lie to me? That if something happens, even if one of the limits gets broken, that you'll tell me. i want us to be honest with each other."

He looks at me, seriously, for a minute. i start to tense. His gaze is so intense. Finally, he says, "Of course. I'm glad you asked."

"Kurt?"

"I hadn't even realized that I didn't make you that promise. I know I asked it of you. Thank you for reminding me, sweetheart."

"Oh." i'm embarassed to have made such a big deal of this in my own head.

"You know you can ask me for anything."

"Yes, Kurt."

His hands are in my hair again, petting me gently. "Anything you need. Anything you want, even. You should tell me, and I'll always do my best to give it to you. I love to see you happy. I love-" he hesitates. "I love that you're mine."

A small part of me thinks that he was about to say something different. Most of me thinks that's proposterous, but there's the tiniest hope... "Me too," i say quietly.

"Now, my Blaine, what do you want to do tonight?"

i smile as he calls me that. His Blaine. And i am. "Anything you want."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure, sweetheart? I don't want to ruin your good mood."

"i want to please you," i say, and i mean it. i'd do anything for him in this moment. Anything- and i'm one of the few people who understands just what a promise like that can mean.

"All right. If this gets to be too much, you just say so. Okay?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Come sit on the bed with me."

He sits up at the top of the bed, leaning against the headboard, and guides me to a place right next to him. He settles an arm around my shoulders, presses a kiss to my forehead, and then says, quietly, "I want you to tell me where you got those scars, Blaine."

i'm going to do it.

i realize that and my heart sinks.

i'm going to do it, because Kurt told me to. He didn't ask, or suggest, or request. There's none of the usual ambivalence in his voice, no way out.

"i'm sorry, Kurt, it's just hard to start-" i say, realizing how long a wait it's been.

His first order to me while i'm wearing his collar and i'm already fucking it up.

"i'll do it. i promise. Just... i'm so sorry..."

"Hey. Hey, sweetheart, stop it. We won't do this at all if it upsets you so much."

"i can do it."

"Okay. But you take your time, all right? We have all night. And if you start to panic again, we will stop. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy. You haven't done anything wrong, Blaine. Don't worry." He squeezes my shoulder, then traces his fingertips along my neck, gently touching the collar. "Do you want to just talk, or is it easier if I ask you questions?"

"Questions, please, Kurt."

"Someone did this to you intentionally?"

"Yes. Sir did."

i feel Kurt sigh. "I'm going to ask you to do something else for me, sweetheart. Something that won't be easy."

"Anything. Just like i said."

"I want you to stop calling him that." He pauses, and i start to answer, but he cuts me off. "I know... I know it's hard, but I just... I want you to be mine. All mine. Not... not mine because he's not here, and I feel like every time you call him that, you're still submitting to him."

"Kurt-"

"I guess it's stupid but I can't... it really makes me... furious. Incredibly possessive. I feel like he has you in a way I don't and I just-"

"Kurt, listen-"

"I need you to be-"

"i just don't know what else to call Him- to call him." The change in capitilization is all in my head, but Kurt is right, and i'm suddenly ashamed of myself. i belong to Kurt now, and only to him.

"His name. What was his name?"

i close my eyes, miserable. "i don't know." A tear escapes from my squeezed-shut eyes. "You think we shook hands and introduced ourselves? The first night we met in person, he fucked me until i bled. You think we sat around getting to know each other? He was too busy carving me open... you should look at my back, maybe he signed his name under his handiwork." i bite my lip, abruptly realizing how angry i sounded. i don't want Kurt to think i'm mad at him.

"Oh, God, Blaine-" Suddenly, Kurt is kissing me, my forehead, my cheek, my lips. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I didn't... I'm so sorry, so sorry. It's over now, love, you're here, you're with me and he'll never touch you, never hurt you again." He holds me close. "You can call him anything you want, okay? I don't care. I promise not to be upset. Don't cry. Come on, baby, please don't cry. I've got you, I've got you. Shh."

Finally, i calm down. "i didn't-"

"Don't you dare apologize." He kisses me again, gently. "He used a knife?"

"Yeah. i think it was... a switchblade, or something, a little knife. Sharp. He tied me to the bed... He'd gone out for a while, and... someone came to the apartment when he was away, mailman i think. He said that the mailman was looking at me. That he'd make it so everyone knew... who i belonged to. Forever." i look up at Kurt, at his face. i can't read the emotions there. "It took hours. And it hurt... it hurt s-so much..."

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispers. "I'm sorry that happened, I'm sorry he hurt you, it's over now, you're mine, you're safe..."

And i feel the collar around my neck, and i believe him.

"Are you okay now? Relatively?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Look at me, sweetheart."

He checks my face to see if he agrees with me. i try not to let any distress i'm still feeling show. i don't want him to worry.

"I want you to listen to me now, Blaine. Okay?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"You've been so good tonight. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud that you trust me, and I'm proud to call you mine."

"Th-thank you."

"I want to give you a reward, sweetheart. For being so brave tonight." He pauses briefly, giving me a moment to consider the possibilities. "And I want you to pick."

"Kurt?"

"We won't do it tonight. You're overwhelmed, I can see that. So tonight I want you to rest, and tomorrow I want you to tell me what you want."

"i don't..."

"Take your time, sweetheart." He squeezes me close, and i can tell he doesn't want this to be some kind of test. "If tomorrow is too soon, we can take as long as you want. Okay? Whenever you're ready. I want this to help. Not hurt."

"Thank you."

"Of course."

For a while, we just lie there in silence. i try to listen to my own breathing, to calm myself down enough that Kurt won't have to worry about me. When i deem myself normal, i cuddle into his chest. i like lying there, against him. It's warm and comfortable and... safe.

i listen to his heart beat for a little while. The seconds tick by.

"How are you doing, baby? Honest answer?"

"Good," i say.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"You've had a big night, and-"

i smile. "i'm fine, Kurt. i promise. Happy, actually."

"Happy?"

"Yeah. i'm with you. i'm yours."

"Yes. You are."

He strokes my hair gently, the rhythm almost matching his heartbeat. i let my eyes close, still smiling.

i must have fallen asleep right there, because the next thing i'm aware of is his chest moving as he hums to himself. It takes me a while, but i eventually pick out the tune of "Just Dance" in the vibrations.

i smile.

"Blaine? You awake?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"You want to get up? Get breakfast?"

"i think i just want to lie here for a while. If that's okay."

He leans down to kiss my forehead. "Completely. I have no plans for today, sweetheart. Nothing except to take care of you. Let you relax a little. You did something really hard for me last night, and now I want to make sure you're all right."

"Thanks."

i close my eyes again, snuggling back into him. His humming turns into singing, low and sweet.

"Sous la lumiere en plein, et dans l'ombre, en silence, si tu cherches un abris inaccessible, dis toi qu'il n'est pas loin, et qu'on y brille, a ton etoile..."

i don't understand a word of it, but it's beautiful. "Thank you, Kurt."

"Of course." He continues singing. "Toujours a l'horizon, des soleils qui s'inclinent, comme on n'a pas le choix il nous reste le coeur. Tu peux cracher meme rire, et tu le dois..."

"What does 't mean?" i ask, mumbling a bit, when he's finished the song. This is really comfy, and part of me is tempted to go right back to sleep.

"Um, it's not a direct translation-"

"That one really pretty part- "comma pas le shoise?"

"Comme on n'a pas le choix. Um. When we have no choice we still have our hearts. I think. I'm only in French Four..."

"That's beautiful," i murmur. "Thank you for singing it to me."

"For you. In fact, I hereby dedicate all my future performances to Mr. Blaine Anderson."

i laugh. "Hey. You think i can talk the Warblers into letting us do a duet this year?"

"You and..."

"You, of course."

"Depends on the song, I guess."

i sing, barely restraining my laughter, something i half-remember from the last school dance. "I want you to take over control, take over control-"

Kurt bursts out into giggles. "Blaine, your passion for inappropriate serenades and Top 40 never ceases to amuse me." He hesitates, then adds, "And besides, there's no part for me in that song."

"Of course. How selfish of me... But seriously, i'd love to sing with you."

"We could do something nauseatingly romantic and make everyone really uncomfortable."

"i love that almost as much as innuendos and Top 40," i tease.

As i watch Kurt laugh at that, i realize something. Making him smile, making him laugh, is satisfying something. That part of me that says i have to be useful or i'm useless is quiet right now, content.

Maybe this is all i have to be to make Kurt happy. What I am right now. Myself.

Paired with that realization, however, is another one.

I still really kind of want Kurt to fuck me.

I think I might even enjoy it, the way I enjoyed the spanking like something out of my fantasies. It could be as good as i thought this would all be before everything, before Sir- him. Before...

"Kurt? What should I call him?"

"Who?"

"You know. Um."

"Oh." Kurt's smile falls away.

"Sorry. Forget I said anything."

"No. It's just... I don't know. I'd suggest 'psychotic lowlife' but I don't think you'd be comfortable with that."

"I wouldn't," I admit.

"So how about just... your ex? I know you weren't really dating, but it's easier than saying 'former dom' all the time, and I doubt I can talk you into referring to him as your rapist."

"I told you before, Kurt. I was never raped. But I'm fine with calling him that."

"You were fourteen years old, Blaine. Legally, you couldn't give consent at all."

"I asked for it. I tracked him down over the internet so-"

"You had no idea what you were getting into. At the very least, you were manipulated, and you were only a kid."

"Please, let's not fight-"

"We're not going to fight. I won't have you blaming yourself for this, sweetheart. I can be patient, but someday I want you to say that to me. That he made you do it. That none of what happened to you is your fault. That you aren't a slut, or a whore. And, as horrible as it is... that you were the victim of rape."

"Please-"

"It doesn't have to be right now, Blaine. But soon-"

"Listen, Kurt. I can believe... I do believe that you don't see me as... as any of those things. That you think I'm good, and that I deserve to be treated... well, and that I'm not... Anyway. It means a lot- it helps a lot- that you think I'm better. That you think I'm good. I just... I don't believe it myself, yet. Does that make sense?"

"Yes," he says. "Perfect sense, actually. And don't worry... I can be very convincing."

He squeezes my hand, and I start to believe him. Just a little bit... but at least that little bit. Part of me thinks- it wasn't my fault.

This is what I deserve.

He talks me into going downstairs and eating breakfast. I don't want to. I kind of want to stay in bed with him all day.

Maybe I'll ask for that.

"Kurt?"

"Yes, baby?"

"I was... I kind of want to..." The words 'go back to bed' are on the tip of my tongue. To spend the day lying with him, in his arms, no questions and no pressure...

"Anything you want, sweetheart."

But i hardly want him to think he's not giving me enough of that kind of attention. If anything, he's too gentle with me. i don't want to push him, or to push him away, but i do want-

i want to be used. i do. i don't know if that's wrong but the desire doesn't seem to be going anywhere... and i want it to be him.

"Let me suck your dick," I blurt, and then blush.

"Sweetheart-"

"i'm sorry. Forget i said-"

Before panic can set in, Kurt interrupts me. "Stop it, Blaine. Take a deep breath."

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy. Do you remember what I told you about asking for your reward, baby?"

"Yes, Kurt." He nods at me, prompting me to continue, and I recall, "That I can ask for anything I want. And I can ask whenever I feel ready."

"Good. Listen, sweetheart. I was surprised, that's all. Excited, even. Not upset, and not angry."

"Really?"

"Really. Remember that I promised I'd tell you when I'm angry with you."

"So does that mean..."

He sighs. "Are you sure, Blaine? This is supposed to be for you."

"Yes." I lean towards him, across the table. "I'm asking for what I want. Isn't that what you said I should do?"

"It is." He takes my hand. "Let me think about it a little, okay?"

"Okay."

"Finish your coffee, sweetheart, and then we'll go upstairs. I feel like this should be a private conversation."

"Good point."

He smiles at me, reassuring, and I try to silence the part of my mind that's calling me stupid. I haven't ruined anything. Kurt isn't mad.

Why couldn't i just keep my mouth shut? Not be such a whore... i could have waited. Waited for him. And then he wouldn't be-

"Fuck the coffee. Come on," he orders, and though he doesn't sound angry i spring out of my seat to follow.

Kurt takes my hand and half-pulls me up the stairs. i have to hurry to keep up with him. He pushes the door open with his hip and guides me through the door.

"On your knees, sweetheart."

i obey, lowering my eyes to the floor. Is he angry? He sounds... upset, at least.

Kurt pulls my head up, and strokes my hair gently. "I want to talk about this, baby. Before we do anything, I want us to talk. And you need to calm down a little before we can do that. Does that make sense?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Do you think you can do that for me? Just relax a little?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"That's a good boy. Now, you need to look up at me."

i obey, meeting his eyes.

"Good. And now we need to talk."

"Forget i said anything, Kurt. Please. It's not-"

"It is important. And we need to discuss this."

"i-"

"I'll go first, baby." He strokes my hair. "I was very, very surprised when you said that. However, that doesn't mean I wouldn't be willing to try it. I told you you could choose, and I want to give you what you asked for. I also... well... I want to do that. I mean, I'd like you to... But my concern is... I guess, that that isn't really what you want. You've said in the past... you want to submit more. For me to not always do what you want me to. And I... I'm worried that you're not... not going to... really enjoy it. That it isn't really what you want."

"It is," I say, simply. "I mean... I don't know whether... I want to make you feel good, Kurt. I'd rather that than... um, than the other way around. I really want to... and I understand if you don't, because I know you were kind of unsure about... sex, and sexual things. But I really do want to. And... Well, I guess that's what I have to say about that."

"Okay."

"What?"

"I understand."

"So..."

Kurt smiles and nods.

"Thank you-"

"No need. One question, before we start."

"Yeah?"

"Do you want... would you prefer to have free reign, to do what you want, or do you want me to... dominate you?"

"Kurt, I-"

"Honest question, sweetheart. I expect an honest answer."

"I want you to dominate me. Please. To tell me how... how you want it to..."

"That's all you need to say, Blaine. You're doing really well. I want you to take your clothes off, and then go get the cuffs from the closet."

"Yes, Kurt." I strip quickly, and deposit my folded clothes on top of the shelf in the closet. I retrieve the leather cuffs, which Kurt had stashed under a pile of neatly pressed shirts.

"Good boy. Turn around, and put your hands together behind your back."

Kurt cuffs my wrists securely together.

"Comfortable?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good. Back on your knees."

With my hands cuffed behind my back, I have to spread my legs wide for any kind of stability. Kurt waits for me to get settled, then runs a hand through my curls.

"Such a beautiful boy."

I smile at the praise, but I'm still on edge. Waiting.

Kurt undoes his pants. For the first time, I really get to see him, exposed and hard.

"Please, Kurt-"

"No need to beg, sweetheart. You can have just what you want." Kurt gently guides my head forward. "Try and get away and I will let go, okay?"

"Okay."

"Do you need a safe gesture, or is that enough?"

"It's fine. I trust you."

Kurt smiles. "Good boy. Open up."

He pulls my head closer, and I carefully pull the head of his cock into my mouth and start to suck.

"Oh, God," Kurt moans, a sound nothing like anything I've ever heard him make before. "Oh my God. Blaine-"

He grabs the back of my head, thrusting into my mouth. I choke a little bit- he's big, probably the biggest I've ever had- but it's good.

He thrusts again, harder. I try to breathe through my nose, try to stay calm. This is what I wanted.

He's finally taking real control.

His fingers grip my hair, a little harder than usual. Usually he's so tender, so gentle with me.

It hurts. Good pain, though.

This is what I wanted. This is what I asked him for.

He moans my name again, and I smile. There's a satisfaction in hearing that I can never have from anything else... and that's the real reason I wanted this.

I wanted to hear, to feel, to taste that he wants me. That I'm his and I please him.

After all, this is all I'm good for.

I'm not supposed to think like that. Kurt won't like it.

But he can't read my mind, can he?

I honestly don't understand him.

And yet.

He's giving me this. Not taking it. Not forcing it on me. He waited until I asked... because I wanted it.

Suddenly, a memory shoots through my mind. I'm used to flashbacks- the terrible, traumatic kind. I'm not used to this. I can hear Kurt's voice in my head, on the day this all started.

'Is that what you wanted? It's okay if the answer is yes..."

Yes. It is.

It wasn't then. I didn't want it before.

With Kurt, I do.

I want him standing over me. Pulling my hair and fucking my mouth, using me and hurting me...

But only ever as much as I want.

"Blaine, I- I'm going to-"

Kurt starts to pull away, but I follow, keeping my lips locked in place.

"You sure, sweetheart?" he asks, and though his voice is strained I can hear the familiar gentleness.

I lick the head of his dick, which should hopefully be a clear enough answer.

"Good," he grunts, definitely the least composed sound I've ever heard him made. It's sort of incredible to be able to do this. I'm not sure I should feel proud, exactly, but I do. I'm the one doing this for him. I'm the one making him come.

Kurt pulls my hair sharply as his orgasm hits. I know the movement is unintentional, but it still makes my heart race faster.

I look up at him as I swallow. His eyes are closed in bliss, his head tilted back. I barely even notice the less-than-pleasant taste, I'm so lost in looking at him.

After a few seconds, his eyes open. He looks down, meeting my eyes.

"Blaine. I- Come here."

He helps me to my feet, and then, still supporting me, kisses me deep and hard.

When he lets go, I look away, embarassed at how turned on I am. He gently tilts my face up. "Tell me what you're thinking, Blaine."

"Thank you."

"Sweetheart?"

"For... for letting me... you didn't have to."

Kurt sighs. "It wasn't exactly a hardship."

"I... did I... You-"

"Spit it out, Blaine."

"Did you enjoy it? I mean, I know you.. but, was it-"

Kurt kisses me again. "Fuck," he moans. "You have no idea. You're... incredible."

"Really?"

"Really." He frowns briefly. "Just one problem, gorgeous. I don't know if I'm going to be able to give this up. Now that I've had you..."

"You want to do it again?"

"God, yes." He grips my jaw, running his thumb over my lower lip. "Are you all right, baby? I got pretty... rough."

"Fine," I mumble, ashamed.

"That doesn't sound fine."

"I am."

"What's wrong?"

"Ilikedit," I confess quickly.

"Slower, baby."

"I liked it."

"Oh." Then he smiles. "Good."

"You... you don't think..."

"Think what?"

"That I'm a slut?"

"Fuck," Kurt swears. "Baby, no."

"But..."

"I don't want you thinking like that, Blaine. You're so... important. So special and beautiful and... I'm so... so grateful that you want me. It's not bad. It's wonderful. And I don't want you to think otherwise."

"I..."

"I love that you want me like this. I don't want you to change. If wanting me makes you a slut, then I guess that's what you are. But I hardly hate it."

Unsure what to say, I simply mutter "Sorry."

"Shh. Don't, baby. Okay? Please don't."

"I-"

"I thought things went really well. I certainly enjoyed it. Seems like you did too."

I nod eagerly.

"So don't start freaking out. Just... let's enjoy the moment, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good. Good boy." He kisses my forehead. "Turn around, sweetheart. Let me untie your hands."

I turn around. Kurt carefully undoes the cuffs.

"Now sit on the bed, baby."

I sit, unsure what's happening.

"Good. Spread your legs a little, let me see you."

Blushing, I obey.

"Good boy. Touch yourself."

"Kurt?"

"I want to watch you make yourself come."

"I-"

"You look so good like this, baby. So beautiful. I want you to make yourself feel good- and I want to watch."

"Kurt-"

"Go on, sweetheart."

My heart is in my throat. I don't like the feeling of being watched. It reminds me too much of before, when I'd be left tied and blindfolded in a room full of people. When i didn't know who was there, or what was going to happen to me...

"i can't," i whisper, looking down. "i'm sorry."

"Is that a safeword, sweetheart? I can talk you through it."

"i don't want... please..."

"Hey." Kurt smiles at me, reaching out to take my hands. "It's all right, baby. I understand."

"i'm sorry, i just-"

"Shh. You didn't do anything wrong. Why don't you put some pants on, and we can cuddle, maybe watch a movie?"

"Thank you." i can't meet his eyes.

"Stop it, Blaine. I'm not mad at you. You can tell me what happened if you want, or not."

"i... i don't..."

"Okay. That's totally okay. Just get dressed, all right?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"And then come here."

i manage to meet his eyes briefly, nodding before i turn away to find a pair of sweatpants in my closet.

i pull on the pants, and then walk to the bed. i wait.

"Sweetheart, I told you to come here."

Obediently, i climb into bed. He pulls me so i'm tucked comfortably into his side, then takes my hand.

"No need to talk, Blaine. I just want you to listen for a second. Understand?"

i nod.

"I've noticed that... not every time, but many times, when we do something sexual, it makes you panic. And it seems to only be sexual orders, not other kinds, that bring on these... that make you worry. Would you say that's fair?"

i hesitate, but nod slightly. i don't want to argue.

"I don't want to take a step backwards, and I don't want you to feel like I'm taking anything you want or need away from you because you couldn't do something. I just... I want you to think for a while about it."

i bite back the apology that's on the tip of my tongue. So stupid... i should have just done what he asked.

"Blaine. Look at me."

i can't.

He pulls my chin up, forcing me to meet his eyes. "We do not have to have sex for you to be my boyfriend. You do not have to provide me with sexual favors to be my sub. Do you understand?"

i pull away, turn away. i can't meet his eyes.

"Answer me, sweetheart."

"i can't... i don't..."

"We've had this conversation before. Remember?"

"i made you cry," i whisper, deeply ashamed.

"That isn't... Blaine, please don't. Listen to me. I guess I never... never quite got you to believe me. But you will now. We'll sit here until you do." He takes my hand again. "You do so many things for me. You're mine in so many ways. And I could die a virgin and that wouldn't change a thing... you'll still be mine as long as you'll have me."

"Kurt, i-"

"Shh. I don't want you to argue. I just want you to listen, Blaine. I just want you to... to try, as hard as you can... to believe me. Trust me."

"i do. You know i do."

"Do you believe me, sweetheart?"

"Yes, Kurt."

There's an expression on his face i can't quite identify. Is he... grateful? "I'm going to ask you a few questions, and I want a truthful response. You need to use your safeword if you can't answer. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy. First question. Do you regret choosing this as your reward?"

"No." i hope he'll take my answer- the truth, after all- at face value, because i have no real way of convincing him.

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Yes. Very much."

"Do you think it would be safe for us to do that again? I mean emotionally safe, for you."

"Yes."

"So that wasn't what upset you?"

"i... no, that part was... good." It doesn't seem like the right word, but i'm stumbling enough over my words already, i don't need to annoy him by hesitating any more.

"I told you you didn't have to tell me, and I intend to keep that promise. However, I would like to know, for future reference... what, specifically, upset you that I should avoid doing again?"

i look down, taking a second to gather myself before i answer. "i... i don't like being on display. Feels too... vulnerable. It would be all right if you were touching me, even just... any kind of touch. Just holding my hand, or touching my shoulder... but i can't... if i don't know you're there."

my eyes cloud with tears. Kurt squeezes my hand. "I am here, Blaine. I'm right here. Right next to you." He leans over, kisses my cheek. "I'll never ask you to do that again. Thank you for telling me."

"i didn't... i'm not..."

"Don't argue. Don't try to tell me you don't need this, because I saw how frightened you were. I would never put you through that."

"Kurt..."

"We're done with this conversation now. Unless there's anything else you want to tell me?"

"No, Kurt."

"Then we'll just relax for a while. I'll turn the TV on, and we'll enjoy each other's company, and I'll be right here. Right beside you."

I bury my head in his shoulder. "Th...thank you," I whisper against the fabric of his shirt.

"Anything for you."

The rest of the day is quiet and peaceful. Around four in the afternoon, I start to get a little restless... not that I don't enjoy lying here. I just have some excess energy.

Kurt notices.

"You want to go out for a while? Maybe grab some coffee?"

"Sure." I may even go for decaf, for once in my life.

"Here." He hands me a dark gray t-shirt, which I slip over my head. He grabs his car keys, and we turn toward the door. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realize-

"K-kurt, I-"

"What's wrong?"

"This shirt... my collar, I don't..."

"Oh." He steps closer to me. "Do you not want to go out with it showing?"

Quietly, I admit, "I'm afraid. That someone would..."

"Figure it out? I think we live in a remarkably uneducated world. Anyone who guesses what it means probably had a little interest in this sort of thing themselves." He shrugs. "But if it makes you uncomfortable, I can take it off for a while."

Panic fills me at the thought of losing the collar, even for a little while. "N-no, I didn't-"

"Just for a while, Blaine. Or we could break into my extensive selection of scarves and you can cover it up."

I nod. "Please."

He digs through the closet for a second, finding a gray-and-green scarf. He wraps it deftly around my neck, pulling it tight, then ties it securely so it won't slip off. Then he kisses me quickly. "All right?"

"Thank you."

"Of course. Come on."

He takes my hand. We walk together to the student parking lot, and he starts the car.

We sing along to the radio together- indulging me, he turns it to a top-40 station without saying a word. Sometimes I think it's the little things that really matter.

Even though I'm his, completely, even though he knows I would do anything he asked without complaining- he picks the music I like. He holds the door open for me. He pays for my coffee and knows my order and even gives in to splitting a brownie without much complaining. When the drinks are ready, he goes to get them at the counter instead of sending me. He hands me mine, his fingers trailing ever-so-gently over mine, and then launches into a story about Finn and Rachel. His face lights up with enthusiasm. When the story is over, he smiles at me, a smile filled with such kindness, such caring...

The words come out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"I love you."

Immediately, I backtrack.

"I mean... I didn't... You don't have to say it back. I mean, I know you don't have to do anything. But, I won't... It won't upset me, or anything, I just wanted you to know..." I realize I'm babbling and bite my lip. The urge to drop to my knees is surprisingly strong. I wish I could.

"Sweetheart."

His voice quiets me. I look up at him.

His eyes are warm. He smiles. "Did you honestly think there was any chance in the world I don't adore you?"

"Kurt?"

"Of course I love you."

Of course. I could cry, I'm so happy.

"I would have told you before... I've loved you for so long. But when you told me-" He pauses, lowers his voice. "When you told me that he made you tell him that. I didn't want you to have to remember that, or feel like you ever had to lie to me about the way you feel."

"I would have been able to... It wouldn't have been a lie. Not from the very beginning. The only reason I didn't say this before is that I wanted to be sure. You know? Because..." I look down. It makes admitting this easier. "I wasted so much on him. I thought the first time I submitted would be special. Wonderful. And it made me feel... disgusting. I gave him my first time, before I was ready. And my first I-love-you. And... it wasn't true."

"Blaine, you don't have to-"

"It wasn't. I thought I loved him, but when I said it, I didn't even think it. I barely knew him. I said it because I was afraid he wouldn't want me... and I can never get that back. I can't unsay it. I can't make that first time special. But I wanted to be sure the second time would be. I wanted to know, to be completely certain, that I would never regret saying this to you."

"I won't let you," Kurt says. "As much as I can do to make sure of it... you'll never regret being with me."

"I never would."

Kurt takes my hand, lacing our fingers together. "I'm so proud of you, sweetheart. For being able to tell me. So brave... I love you so much."

"It's been a big day, huh?"

Kurt laughs. "It sure has." He kisses my fingertips. "What do you say we go home and get some rest?"

I nod. "Please."

Kurt keeps his hand in mine the whole way back to our room. When we arrive, he asks, gently, "May I?" before undoing the scarf on my neck so my collar shows.

"Bed?"

"Please. I think you owe me some cuddles and a movie?"

"Indeed I do."

Kurt grabs his computer, cueing up Netflix.

"What do you want to watch?"

I shrug. "Don't care."

"Blaine..."

"Honestly, you pick."

"All right."

Kurt nods, flipping the lid of the laptop open and sitting on the bed. "C'mere," he suggests, and I sit close to him, resting my head on his shoulder. He runs his fingers along my shoulder, up my neck and over to the collar, then kisses the top of my head.

I relax, just enjoying his nearness as Kurt flips through his queue on the computer.

He cues up some period drama I'm not familiar with, something with men and tights and a lot of anachronistic Shakespeare references. The dialogue is terrible enough that Kurt and I are both giggling at it, but the actors, the costumes, and the setting are all beautiful.

When the movie ends, it's close to eight o'clock. Kurt goes to pick us up dinner, leaving me to entertain myself with the laptop. I flip through the movies, and then read the news online until Kurt comes back with Chinese food.

We eat together, sitting at the desk so we don't drop soy sauce all over our bed. When the food is gone, Kurt hands me a fortune cookie. I open it.

"What does it say?" he asks.

"Help! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory!"

He laughs. "You know that's lame, don't you?"

"I do."

"So what does it really say?"

"The end of a path is ahead of you," I read.

"The truest magic is friendship," he says, reading his own. "At least that's cheerful. But I think I like yours better- less lame."

I smile. "I don't know. Nothing wrong with magic and friendship." I yawn halfway through the word, and Kurt smiles gently back at me.

"Why don't we get some sleep, love? We've had a long day."

"A good day."

"Yeah."

I think briefly about how far our relationship has come since I woke up this morning, and I'm happy as I curl up next to Kurt to sleep.

On Wednesday, Kurt goes home for an evening- it's Carole's birthday. He invites me along, reluctant as always to leave me alone, but I don't want to intrude.

"It's a family thing!" I insist.

"You are family."

I roll my eyes. "I've been your boyfriend for five weeks."

"So?"

"So I'd be intruding."

"Not true."

"Just go without me, Kurt. I'll be fine."

He sighs. "Fine. But you'll eat normally at dinner."

"Yes, Kurt."

"And try to get some extra homework done so we can spend time together tomorrow."

I nod. Kurt kisses me quickly and grabs his bag.

"I'll be home around eleven, sweetheart. Call if you need anything. I mean it."

"Yes, Kurt."

He relents. "Good boy. I love you."

"I love you too."

Another kiss and he's out the door, leaving me alone in the room.

I pace around for a little bit, and then sit down to study. At least I can get something done.

I polish off my math and Spanish, and then start on the English essay. It's not due for a week, but every second I spend on it now is one second I'll get to spend with Kurt later.

I get a little bit lost in my work. By the time I look up, it's ten-thirty.

The cafeteria is already closed.

It's okay, I tell myself. Kurt will understand. He might be a little annoyed, but he'll understand.

He always does.

He won't be angry. He won't hurt me.

He's said so himself- he'd never hurt me.

I realize suddenly that I'm digging my nails into my arm. I haven't quite broken the skin, but there are red indents where my fingernails met my skin.

He'll be so upset.

I'm not supposed to hurt myself. That's his job.

But he won't do it.

Even if I deserve it.

And i do. i know i deserve to be hurt. Punished.

What i don't deserve is to be treated the way Kurt treats me. Gently, kindly... with love.

i don't deserve his love. He should have someone better. Someone sweet and new, who's never been broken, never degraded, never used.

Damaged.

i'm damaged and dirty and not good enough and all the gentle words he can say will never, ever change that.

He can't make me whole again. He can't make me back into what i was.

i can't even follow the simplest orders, can't even do what he asks. i'm so dependent on him i can't be trusted alone for a couple of hours.

And then i'm standing in the background, a razor in my hand. i'm still in the habit of using the disposable kind after months of regularly disassembling them.

It happens before i know it. The bare blade is between my two fingers. i hold it carefully, knowing the (unintentional, and therefore unhelpful) pain of slicing across a finger all too well.

Arms are the best, the sharpest, easiest to control, clearest pain. And it's been so long.

Three slices across one forearm. Three across the other. Symmetry.

Symmetry is good. Matches. Puts things back in order, where they ought to be.

Pain is good. It makes everything simple. Failure, punishment, failure, punishment. i don't have to feel bad. i don't have to hold so much shame anymore.

Only the pain.

Just a few more. Don't want it to be too sore tomorrow.

Three more.

No, still that feeling in the pit of my stomach, that feeling of dread.

Ten more. Fifteen. That's better. Focus on the lines, nice straight parallel lines, clean and clear and right.

Twenty. Not too deep. i don't want to die. i only want to hurt, to hurt so badly that i'll feel all right.

And then i hear my name. "Blaine. Blaine!"

i turn, startled.

Kurt is staring at me, his eyes wide.

His eyes fill with tears. i can't bear the disappointment. i want to cut again-

"Drop the razor." Suddenly, he is calm, firm, dominant. "Put it on the counter. Now."

i obey.

"Put your arms at your sides. Hold your forearms forward. Hands up."

Trembling, i take the position he's ordered.

"Close your eyes."

i can't.

"Trust me. Close your eyes."

Slowly, i force my eyelids shut. There is a sound- water running? And then my arms are stinging.

Kurt is cleaning me up.

He isn't as experienced at dealing with these injuries as i am. He rubs too much, doesn't dab as lightly as you need to get the blood without reopening the scars. But the way he does it...

Slowly. Carefully. Every few seconds, he pauses. i can't see him, but i can feel his finger tracing the sensitive (painful) lines on my skin, one at a time. He's inspecting them. Counting the damage.

And when he's looked at them all, cleaned all the blood off me, he pronounces, "We don't need to go to the hospital. None are deep enough." And then he kisses each of my wrists, right over the lowest cuts. Just a gentle brush of his lips, so soft and sweet that it breaks my heart.

"You can lower your arms now, Blaine. Don't open your eyes."

He sounds sad again.

"i'm sorry," i begin. "i don't-"

"I'm going to have to punish you," Kurt says quietly. "Not until I know why this happened, not until after we've talked. But I cannot let you do this to yourself, Blaine."

"i'm sorry, i'm-" so scared to lose you. i never meant to risk that.

"We're going to talk about it. You're going to be completely- and I mean completely- honest with me. And then I'm going to punish you however I see fit, until you use your safeword or I feel that you have learned that I'm the one who decides when you're going to feel pain. And then it'll be forgiven. I'm not going to leave you. This isn't going to change how I feel about you. But we do need to deal with it. And we're going to. Together."

"Kurt, please," i beg, holding my arms out. i want him to hold me, just for a second. Just so i know it'll be okay.

"Come here," he says, and i take the few steps towards his voice, my eyes squeezed shut on his orders, keeping the tears at bay, and then his arms are around me. "Together," he promises again. "I'm with you."

"You can open your eyes now, love. I want you to go to sit at my desk. We're going to talk."

What can i do? i obey.

Kurt sits on the edge of the bed. "Blaine. I'm going to set a couple of ground rules for this conversation. Like always, you can use your safeword if it gets to be too much. Otherwise, you are expected to be totally honest. Tell me the whole truth, sweetheart. Not what you think I want to hear. And I want you to look at me."

It's hard, but i do it. i know how angry he must be. i don't want him to leave.

"How are you feeling right now?"

"T-terrified. Guilty."

"Why?"

"i know i wasn't supposed to, i'm sorry... Kurt, i'm so, so scared you'll leave me. Decide i'm not worth it and..."

"Blaine." His voice stops me in my tracks. "That will never, ever happen. Do you understand?"

"Understand. Not believe."

"Okay," he says, and the acceptance in his voice makes me want to run for my razor again. "We'll work on that."

"i love you," i say, because i don't know what else can help.

"But you don't trust me."

"i do!"

"You don't trust that I'll stay with you, that I'll give you what you need. That's what it really comes down to. Why did you cut yourself, Blaine?"

"Because... because i..." Kurt waits, patiently, until i can get the words out. "Because i wasn't sure you would hurt me... the way i deserved."

"Thank you," Kurt says. "For being honest."

"Are you mad?" i blurt before i can help myself.

"Yes. Not just at you. I knew... somehow, I knew. And I left you here, alone. I shouldn't have done that. That's why I came back early... I couldn't shake the feeling that you were in trouble."

"You shouldn't have to worry about me all the time."

"Well, I do." He sounds harsh at first, but then he explains. "You're mine. My responsibility. Every second of every day. And I wouldn't change that for anything."

"Really?"

"Really." He smiles at me. "Anything else you need to tell me, sweetheart?"

"J...just that i'm sorry."

"I know, love." He stands up, walks over to me, and kisses my forehead. Then he says, "I've decided on your punishment."

"How long will it take those cuts to heal, Blaine?"

"Maybe ten days?" i estimate.

"Good. Then that's how long this will last."

i wait, nervously, for him to actually say what it's going to be. He isn't going to leave, he promised. Anything else...

He's wrong. i do trust him. At least not to hurt me, as i sit here, waiting for him to tell me what he's going to do to me. And i would let him do anything.

"You don't trust me to give you what you need, Blaine. And you have to learn that you can. I will give you everything- not necessarily everything you want, but everything you need. But I can't read your mind. I don't always know the difference between you needing to be held and comforted and you needing me to hurt you. So... for the next ten days, or until whenever your arms heal, you're going to ask me. Anything you do, you have to get my permission first. When you need to eat, or sleep, or use the bathroom. If you want to study, or read, or cuddle. You ask me before you do anything. Is that clear?"

"Y-yes, Kurt."

"Not during school or rehearsal, of course. Just while we're in the room. But you're going to come back here as soon as class is over."

"But i..." i stop talking mid-sentence, not wanting to break the new rules already.

"You can still talk freely, sweetheart."

"What if... if you aren't here?"

"Call me. That's an order, okay? I'm not leaving you alone again- if you're here, and I'm not, you call me right away. There will be consequences if I find you here alone."

"Yes, Kurt."

"Can you do this for me?"

"Kurt?"

"I know... this is a lot for me to ask. And I know the point of a punishment is that it's over fast and then you don't have to suffer feeling guilty anymore. I just want to make sure this is okay."

"You don't have to ask," i say.

"Yes. I do."

"i... i think i can do it." i hesitate. "What happens if i... if i forget, or mess up, or something?"

"Ten strokes with my hand the first time, my belt after that."

"Okay."

"Sure?"

"Yes. i can do this."

"Good boy." He smiles. "Always my good boy."


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have literally no excuse for taking so long to post this. I'm just a bad person.

"i'm hungry, Kurt. i... i forgot to eat dinner."

"Is that why you hurt yourself, sweetheart?"

"Yes. And i was wondering... is there any food i could have?"

"I brought you leftovers," Kurt says. "Salad and homemade bread and pie. It's all in the car." He stands.

"Should i stay, or-"

"You aren't allowed to be on your own. Follow me."

i walk a step behind him, my head lowered. Though his voice and demeanor were all perfectly gentle, i can hardly bear the feeling of shame that's settled in the pit of my stomach. i do the only thing i think might help, embarassed though i am to need it. "Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you hold my hand?" i ask, feeling pitiful but knowing that it's what i'm supposed to do- that i'm asking for what i need.

He slips his fingers through mine. "Never be afraid to ask, my love," he says quietly. "You're going to learn that I'll always give you what you need."

"Thank you."

"I'm right beside you, Blaine. I'm here."

i don't know what to say to that, so i just let him pull me along to the car. He grabs the plate of leftovers from the cooler he keeps in the trunk and we turn back to walk inside.

When we get back to the room, i stand awkwardly for a few seconds, unsure what to do. Then i remember- i have to ask. He isn't going to tell me. "May i sit down and eat?"

"Go ahead. Here."

He sets the plate on the desk. i sit and start to eat- Carol thoughtfully added a plastic fork when she was wrapping up the meal. Her cooking is delicious (as usual) and i clear the plate quickly. When i've eaten everything, i realize why i'm still feeling so nervous. "Kurt?"

"Yes, love?"

"i'm... i'm sorry. That i disobeyed, and forgot to eat... i wasn't..."

"Blaine." His voice sounds so calm. "Sweetheart. I trust you not to disobey me intentionally, just like you trust me not to harm you. You are being punished for deliberately hurting yourself, not for that mistake."

"Are you going to punish me? For that?"

"I think you've been hurt enough over one missed meal-"

"Please?" i interrupt, before regretting it immediately. Why would i ask to be punished?

And yet, oddly, i want it. i want the pain as badly as i did when i first hurt myself. Come to think of it, that's probably why i never cut just once, why an isolated incident like this can turn into weeks of regular self-inflicted punishment.

It helps at first, but not for long.

Kurt nods. "You're right," he says, and i can tell he's just realizing it. "Because that didn't count. You have no right to punish yourself. That's my responsibility, and what you do or don't do doesn't change the fact that you disobeyed me and I ought to punish you for it."

"Y-yes, Kurt."

"Good. I want you to clear off the desk- wash the plate, put all your homework away... do it properly."

"Yes, Kurt."

i obey, thoroughly but quickly. i'm eager for this now. i want the simplicity of the pain... and i want it to come with his forgiveness.

"Bend over the desk."

i bite my lip, hiding my nervousness about being so vulnerable. i flinch just slightly when Kurt lays his hand on my ass.

"You're nervous, sweetheart. Jumpy."

"i know i messed up. i hate it."

"Shh. Shh, love. There's no need to feel guilty. That's why we have punishments. Now, I'm going to spank you five times, with my hand, through your clothes, and then this will be over. Okay?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Count for me."

"One." He uses his full strength on the first blow. i gasp, surprise mixing with the pain. "Two." There's barely a second between them, and he's hitting hard. "Three." Pressed against the hard desk, with him standing behind me, there's no room for friction or pleasure. This is just punishment- maybe not a very hard one, but punishment nonetheless. "Four." He waits, letting the sting sink in before- "Five."

i blink away tears. Kurt says, "Stand up for me, love. Nice and slow."

"Thank you. Kurt, thank you-"

"Shh. No reason for that." He smiles. "I promised I'd give you what you need, didn't I?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good. All you have to do is ask."

"The only thing I need now is some sleep," i confess. "It's like one in the morning."

"Then come to bed, sweetheart."

Kurt doesn't make me ask to be wrapped in his arms and kissed goodnight.

 

The first day of my punishment is really, really hard. i start to get out of bed in the morning without permission, just because i'm not used to it. Kurt grabs my wrist to stop me. "Do you want to be spanked already?"

"No, Kurt. i'm sorry. May i get out of bed?"

"Yes."

"May i go brush my teeth and use the bathroom?"

He nods, and i go. i start to close the door to the bathroom. "No," he says, just one word.

"But i... Kurt, i have to..."

"You aren't allowed to be anywhere by yourself."

The knowledge that he can't trust me, even for a few minutes in the bathroom, is shameful. i don't say anything, though, just bow my head and go to the toilet. He stands in the doorway of the bathroom as i go, but he doesn't really watch. i appreciate that respect, but i don't deserve it.

i wash my hands and brush my teeth. "May i shower?"

"Quickly. I don't want to be late for class, and I need time to get ready too."

Kurt does his hair while i quickly clean myself off. Shutting the water off, i start to move and then remember- "May i go get dressed?"

"Go ahead."

He follows me into the bedroom, but doesn't watch as i change my clothes. It almost hurts to be ignored this way, though i'm sure he's only doing it to spare my modesty.

He gets dressed himself, and i wait awkwardly for him to finish. Then i say, "Can we go get breakfast?"

He nods, and takes my hand. We go to the cafeteria together. Unlike usual, he doesn't get me a plate. And i realize...

He expects me to ask. Even here. In front of people.

"May i take some eggs?"

"Go ahead. Although they look sort of gross..." he muses.

"And some toast?"

"Yes."

No one notices our little exchange. It still makes me blush.

"May i get some coffee?"

"Yes."

"And then go sit down?"

He nods. i feel awkward, embarassed by the formality.

But i'm not supposed to enjoy it- it's a punishment, after all.

And it doesn't seem so bad when Kurt is sitting across from me at our usual table, and he's grinning.

"May i eat?"

"Yes."

He watches me as he eats his own breakfast, making sure i don't skimp on the food.

i hate that he has to watch me like this. i hate that i've broken his trust. i hate that he has to expend so much energy looking after me every second.

i ought to be able to take care of myself. Not all the time- there are some things i love having Kurt do for me, that i know for a fact he doesn't mind. i don't want to be so strong i don't have to have him hold me at night, or to not need his guidance or punishment when i'm afraid.

But this is too much to ask of him. i don't want him to feel like he has to control me every second.

So i'm going to do this. i'm going to be perfect during this punishment, no matter how hard it may seem.

i'm going to do anything it takes to get Kurt to trust me again.

 

The only orders Kurt gives me are at the beginning and end of every day.

"Hold out your arms, Blaine."

He inspects my healing scars carefully, checking as they go from open wounds to scabs in the first few days, then start to fade into livid red scars, and then slowly take on the tone of my skin.

It's a good punishment, i have to admit. It makes me so uncomfortable to have to ask for everything, and yet it's not like he isn't dominating me. Every time i have to ask, i'm reminded how much i depend on him.

By the end, it's no longer a struggle. i ask automatically to get up in the morning, for food, for permission to shower, or use the bathroom, or study.

it's a little difficult to go so long without ever being alone, not even for a second as i use the bathroom. Kurt keeps an eye on me constantly- but after a while, i stop feeling trapped by it, and start to feel comforted.

On day five, i have a little bit of a breakdown. i'm sitting at the desk, doing homework, while Kurt lies on the bed studying. It seems so normal, so comfortable. And yet i want something more. i want him to take control of me again. i want to kneel at his feet, and i don't want to have to ask for it.

i think i know how to get that. i think i know what he wants me to say, what he's been waiting for me to ask.

"Beat me," i say aloud, surprising myself.

"Blaine?"

"Please, Kurt. Hurt me. G-get it over with. i don't know how much longer i can..."

"Sweetheart." His voice is so unbearably gentle. "This isn't a trick. I'm not waiting for you to ask me for anything. It'll be over when it's over. When your arms heal, or when you use your safeword."

"But i... you wanted me to learn that..."

"That I'll give you what you need. But that doesn't just mean pain. It means punishment, in this case. And if there's something you need, right now... all you have to do is ask."

"When did you develop the ability to read minds?" i ask, and he laughs. "No, but seriously. How did you figure out that i was asking because i thought you wanted..."

"Because I know you. I know how fixated you can get on doing what you think I want. Part of the point of this is that you're going to learn how to do what I ask, instead of deciding how you think you ought to submit to me."

Shame curls in my stomach at that, at the thought that i've really been such a bad sub. That i haven't been pleasing him at all. "Kurt, i-"

"I didn't mean you haven't been obeying me, because you do. I just... I see how hard you try to make this like things were with him. You expect me to hurt you, and when I don't, you try to convince me to... to make me."

"i didn't think-"

"It's all right, sweetheart. I just want you to learn something. It's never going to work. I'm never, never going to abuse you like that. You can stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, Blaine. You're mine, and I'll never do that to you."

 

It takes twelve days for the scars to fade.

When he pronounces them suitably healed, he kisses each of my wrists gently. "Good boy," he says.

"Kurt, please-"

"You will not damage my property again. Do you understand?"

"Yes." My cock twitches at the way he phrases it. "I'm sorry."

"I forgive you, sweetheart." He smiles gently at me. "Now. I know this was hard. And you did so well. I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you."

"Good. Good boy." He leans over and kisses me. "I know I promised to make you feel safe, and I pushed the limits of that this week. I want to show you just how safe you are."

"I trust you," I say.

"I know, love." He brushes a kiss against my forehead. "You trust me to tie you up." He kisses my shoulder. "You trust me to take care of you when you're hurt." He kisses my wrist, as he had before. "And you trust me with your body... which is just an incredible thing. You would let me do anything with you, and that's such a... I try to be careful. You know I do."

"Yes?"

"I really upset you the day before you hurt yourself. You almost safeworded."

"What are- oh."

"I love you, Blaine. I never want you to be afraid of me. Especially not in our bed."

"I'm not-"

"You are when you can't tell the difference between me and him. And I'm not him."

"I know that."

"Then why-" His voice breaks. "I'm sorry. This was a mistake."

"What?"

"We aren't ready to talk about this."

"No. Please." I don't want to spend another night feeling vaguely guilty. I'm tired of being punished. "Please tell me."

"I want you," he admits. "I want to make love to you. And I know you'd let me. But this week... it just showed me how very far away we are from... I just want you to be okay, Blaine. I want you to get better. But I can't... waiting for your arms to heal is bad enough. That's just time. But you... One day, you make me come and tell me you love me, and I think... you're getting better. The next, I come to our room and find you slitting your wrists. I just... It's just really, really hard."

"I'm sorry." I look away. "Don't- don't give up on me. I'm trying."

"I know, sweetheart. I'm not leaving you. I promised I'd stay here until you're better. No... not better. It's not like there's anything wrong. I just... I want you to love yourself as much as I love you."

"Kurt, I can't..."

"Try. For me." He kisses me gently, on the lips. "Because I do. I love you so much."

"I love you too," I say helplessly, not sure how else to make my feelings known.

 

Three weeks later, Kurt takes me shopping on a Saturday to celebrate the impending summer. We spend the whole morning trying on clothes together, and running up our debit card bills.

I'm a little worried about what the summer holds, to be honest. We won't be living together anymore, and Kurt's dad will probably be keeping a close eye on him... keeping him away from the weird boyfriend as much as possible. My own parents shouldn't be an issue, but I'm not sure what I'll do all summer long.

Wait for school to start, probably.

We have a wonderful morning either way, despite my lingering worries. Kurt insists on trying on sweaters and coats, and I have to keep reminding him that this is summer shopping. Eventually, I manage to get him into some short sleeves, at least.

"You're such a prude," I tease.

"You look like one." He and I have tracked down every high-collared short-sleeved shirt in the entire mall to hide the leather band around my neck. As much as I'm proud to be Kurt's, I don't want to spend all my time worrying about the opinions of strangers.

We have lunch in the food court, splitting a burger and a salad. Kurt's phone buzzes about halfway through the meal.

"Mercedes is here with her parents. Do you mind if we go say hi for a little bit?"

"Not at all," I assure him.

"Just half an hour."

"Kurt. Of course."

When we're finished eating, we meet her outside of DSW for some shoe-shopping time. I don't particularly enjoy helping her look for stylish heels, but Kurt trying on thigh-high boots is definitely something we can get behind.

Half an hour turns into two hours, which I honestly don't mind. Kurt hardly ever gets to see his old friends, he's so busy looking after me. I feel terrible about it. So I'm glad, honestly glad, that the three of us can spend time together.

Even if I'm having to face an entire summer spent without him.

But we'll get through it. Kurt won't let anything (even his father's shotgun) keep us apart.

Kurt has been keeping a less-obsessive eye on me over the last few days. I haven't felt the least interest in self-harming again, not after how he reacted last time.

And, honestly, I trust Kurt. I trust him to take care of me- if he thinks I deserve to be hurt, he'll hurt me. If not, he won't. He's not exactly one for mind games.

So, anyway, after we run into Mercedes, he lets me go off to the bathroom on my own while he chats with her. I ask permission first, phrased carefully so she won't notice- "Honey, I'm just going to run to the bathroom, 'kay?"

He nods, and I go. For some reason, the absurd layout of this mall means I have to go up two flights on the escalator just to get to the nearest public restroom.

On my way back, I stop for coffees. I want to do a little something for Kurt, and he won't notice the extra few minutes while he's talking to his friend.

I order for all three of us and gladly accept the young barista's offer of a carrying tray so I won't have both hands full.

Humming to myself, I stroll back toward the escalator to meet Kurt and Mercedes downstairs. It's tricky to manage the three hot cups of coffee as well as the full shopping bags, so I'm pretty focused on not falling on my face.

So focused, in fact, on getting back to my boyfriend without spilling latte all over myself that I don't notice it when someone walks up behind me.

A familiar voice calls out a single word. "Boy."

I spin around.

It's him.

 

Forget my plan about not dropping the coffees. Every muscle in my body freezes. The venti cups fall to the ground, spilling all over his shoes.

I've cleaned those shoes with my tongue before, I realize with a cold shiver.

The thought seems disgusting now.

He reaches for me, like he's about to wrap his fingers around the back of my neck.

I want to scream. I want to spit in his face. I want to hit him as hard as I can.

I want to drop to my knees and beg him to forgive me.

I can't make myself do anything. I can't make myself move.

He grabs me by the neck and starts to pull me forward, then drops me abruptly.

"What's this?"

I blink. What does he mean?

"On your neck. What-" He pulls down the collar of my shirt to reveal the collar I'm wearing. "You someone else's fucktoy now?"

I flinch.

"Answer me, slut."

"N-no." My voice is small and shaking. I can hear how pitiful it sounds.

"No what?"

"No, Sir," I whisper, humiliated but not wanting to risk him growing angry (angrier) and hurting me.

"Follow." He turns as if to leave. A part of me (a small, small part, because I love Kurt and he loves me) wants to obey, wants so badly to please him, still, even now.

He takes several steps before he notices I'm not following behind him.

"I'm giving you another chance, whore. I seem to remember you begging me not to leave," he says coldly.

"Things... change."

"What?"

"I've changed. I'm... I'm not coming with you. I'm never coming with you."

He crosses back to me, and grabs me roughly by the arm. I flinch. He starts to drag me away.

I do something I thought I'd never do. Something I should have done years ago.

I open my mouth and scream, "Help!"

 

Shocked, he lets go of me. He stares for a few seconds.

"Go," I hiss. "Get away. Don't come near me again."

It isn't until a security guard approaches that he turns and starts to walk away. The guard grabs him by the shoulder. "There a problem here, gentlemen?"

"No," I say. "He was just leaving."

I know Kurt would probably want me to get him in trouble, but I can't handle that. I don't want to tell this stranger my whole sob story. I just want to get back to Kurt.

“If you say so, son.” The guard lets go of his shoulder, and watches as he walks away. When he’s out of sight, the guard looks back at me. “You sure you’re all right? You sounded scared.”

“Fine. I’m fine.”

“Okay. You change your mind, just holler.” He smiles at me warmly, and walks away in the same direction as Sir went. I try not to wonder about what he’s planning on doing, or what that could mean for me. Instead, I finally turn and go down the escalator.

Kurt is exactly where I’d left him, still deep in conversation with Mercedes. The minute I walk into his line of sight, though, I hear him say to her, “Excuse me. I have to-“ and then he breaks off, before he can even finish the sentence, and rushes over to me.

“Sweetheart, what happened?”

I can’t even speak. I throw my arms around him, tears leaking from my eyes. “Kurt… Kurt, please…”

“Shh. Shh.” He wraps his arms around me, hugging me back, and rocks me back and forth. “It’s all right. I’m here. I love you.”

“Kurt,” I whisper helplessly.

“Tell me what happened, love.”

“Not here. Please. I want to go home.”

“All right.” Kurt waves an apologetic goodbye at Mercedes, not letting go of my hand, and we walk to the car together. He looks expectantly at me as he starts the car.

“I mean it. I really need to be back in our room before I can…”

“Okay.”

The rest of the drive is tense and silent. I can see how nervous Kurt is. The second we get to our room, he slams the door shut and locks it. “Talk,” he urges me, barely keeping his irritation out of his voice.

“I… oh, God, Kurt…”

“What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

“I… I saw… him.”

“Him?” And then he realizes. I can see the horror on his face. “What happened?”

“I was getting coffee. As a surprise. On my way back down, I saw him. He-“

“I mean what did you do, Blaine.”

“I…” Suddenly, I’m not sure if I did the right thing. Maybe I should have called for Kurt? Maybe I should have run off on my own, and not needed help? “He tried to grab me. I called for help. A security guard came. He left. I came downstairs.”

"You... You didn't let him..."

"Let him what?"

"You know. Take advantage of you. Hurt you."

"N-no," I stammer. "I... I just... I was so scared, Kurt, and I could only think... I don't want to be his. I don't want to be with him. I want to be yours."

"You are. Only mine." Kurt smiles at me, and reaches out to me, pulling me close to his chest. "My precious boy- I'm so proud of you."

 

I tilt my face up, and he kisses me softly.

"I love you," Kurt says warmly.

"I love you too." I tuck my face against his neck, hiding there, and he strokes my hair.

We stay there for a long time. I relax in his arms, feeling safe. The terror I felt earlier subsides slowly as Kurt holds me.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," he says.

"What?"

"When you saw him... I wasn't there to protect you. I'm sorry."

I can hear the guilt in his voice. "Kurt. I'm fine."

"I know, but still... I want to take care of you."

"You do." I lift my head enough that I can look into his eyes, so he can see I'm telling the truth. "You can't be with me every second of every day. I mean, I guess you could, but I... I don't want that, and I don't think you do either. I'm not..." I take a deep breath, realizing what I'm about to say is completely true. "I'm not sorry you weren't there."

"But I could've-"

"You couldn't have stopped him from seeing me, from talking to me. I would have been just as scared... maybe more so, because you would have been in danger too. And... I did it. I really did it. I stood up to him and... and now I know."

"Know what, sweetheart?"

"I don't need you." Suddenly, I realize how that came out. "I mean... I need you to be happy, I want to be with you more than anything, but... I can take care of myself. Because of you, and what you did for me. Now I'm... I can give myself to you. Freely, because I want to be with you, not because I'm afraid or desperate, not because I can't protect myself. But because I love you, and you make me happy. That's why I'm yours."

Before I can get the last word out completely, he's kissing me, and I can feel- from his hands holding me firmly, his lips moving passionately against mine- just how happy I've made him.

 

He breaks off the kiss. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Completely."

"You must have been..."

"Of course I was terrified. But I got away. He's gone now, and... and you're here."

"Yes, I am." He smiles brightly at me. "What can I do for you, sweetheart?"

"What-"

"You've had a long, hard day. What do you want to do?"

"Go to bed?" I ask quietly. "I'm... a little..."

"Overwhelmed?" he asks.

"Yeah. It's just... I mean, I think I handled it pretty well, but I wasn't expecting..."

"I know, sweetheart." He kisses me again, a quick peck on the lips. "Let's get some rest. We can talk more in the morning."

"Do we have to?"

"You don't want to talk about it again?"

"I don't want him to stop us from being happy, Kurt. Do we have to make a big deal out of this?"

"Yeah," he says. "Not... not like... I don't mean a serious conversation. I think we've said what needs to be said. But we need to talk about what kind of reward you're going to get."

"Reward?"

"Yeah."

"I... you don't have to..."

"You deserve it. You were so good for me." He kisses my forehead. "Get ready for bed, sweetheart. We'll talk in the morning."

"Yes, Kurt."

I go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and shower quickly, and then change into clean boxers to sleep. When I return to the bedroom, Kurt has changed into his pajamas. He takes his turn in the bathroom and then joins me on the bed.

Kurt tucks us both in under the comforter and kisses me sweetly. "Goodnight, Blaine."

"Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too."

I snuggle against him, resting my head against his shoulder. He wraps his arms around me and holds me close as I drift into a peaceful sleep.

 

I wake up in a panic. I can feel hands choking me, cutting off my breath, and I try to scream but I can't-

"Blaine? What's wrong?"

Kurt's voice calms me. "Sorry," I whimper.

"Hey. It's okay. Were you having a nightmare?"

"I... I'm not sure. Kurt..."

"You're all right, sweetheart. I've got you."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up-"

"Stop apologizing. I expected you to be a little on edge for the next few days. After seeing him, I frankly wouldn't be surprised at a lot worse than this."

"I- you shouldn't have to-"

"Blaine, I like taking care of you. I enjoy it. Sometimes we're going to take one step forward and two steps back and that's okay. I'll still be here, helping you turn around and start going forward again."

I cuddle back up against him. "Thank you."

"Of course, love."

"You want to go back to sleep, or..."

"I'm awake now. If you are."

"I am."

"You want to talk?"

I sigh. "If you insist."

"You know I do, sweetheart." He helps me sit up a little, so we're face to face. "I'm having a hard time thinking what reward is big enough for this."

"Kurt, I..."

"I know it makes you feel uncomfortable, but you deserve it. I want you to be able to talk about what you want. What you like."

I shrug. "Being close to you? Being yours? I just... I don't know what I want that you don't give me every single day."

"As sweet as that is..."

"I mean, you know I want to have sex. But that's it. You've already collared me, already told me you love me... what else is there?"

"I don't want it to be sex. Not that... well, we'll have that conversation another time. But none of those things- sex, love, being mine- none of those things are things you have to win or earn from me."

"But I'm still- I don't know. Can't you think of something?"

He sighs. "All right, Blaine. I'll make it a surprise for you."

"Thanks."

"Of course, sweetheart."

 

We go to rehearsal, then do homework for a few hours. Around seven, Kurt says, "I want you to go have a light dinner. Eat something healthy, that will keep you from getting light-headed or unwell during a scene. Then come back by seven-thirty."

"Should I bring you anything?"

"I'll eat while I'm setting things up."

"Okay."

"Would you rather not be alone, love? I understand-"

"I'm all right."

I sit with a few of the other Warblers. They're discussing who's going to be on Council next year.

"Blaine, obviously."

I shake my head.

"Oh, you'll get it easily-"

"I'd rather sing. I know being on Council is an honor, but-"

"Well, you have an amazing voice. Everyone's jealous."

I blush. "I'm hoping the Council will give some other people solos next year, though."

"Especially Kurt," Trent teases, and I laugh.

"He deserves it. So do you guys. I think we should do more group numbers- shit!"

"What?"

"I told Kurt I'd be back by 7:30, I'm late!"

"By two minutes. He has you whipped."

"You have no idea," I say, before realizing that I'm speaking out loud. I expect to feel more embarassed than I do, and the other guys don't read much into my statement. "I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Bye Blaine!"

I run back upstairs. It's 7:33 when I walk into the room. "I'm so sorry, Kurt, I-"

"Shh. It's all right."

"I didn't mean to, I just-"

"No more talking."

I bite my lip.

"Are you nervous?"

I nod.

"Don't be. Tonight is for you. At any time, if you feel uncomfortable, stop me right away and we'll figure something else out together, okay?"

I nod again.

"Good boy. I want you to come over here and take off my shirt."

My hands shake a little as I obey. I want to touch Kurt's bare shoulders as I unbutton his shirt, but I'm not sure I'm allowed.

"You can touch."

I let my fingers run over his chest, finding the skin is just as soft as it looks, as I pull the shirt down his arms and off. He does the same to mine.

"Now hold still."

He puts something over my eyes- probably his tie- and ties it firmly behind my head.

"Can you see?"

"No, Kurt."

"Good." He undoes my pants and helps me step out of them, so I'm standing in my underwear, then pulls away for a second while he presumably does the same.

Then Kurt takes my hand and helps me walk, blindfolded, over to the bed. He has me lie on my back and pulls my arms over my head, cuffing them in place.

"Beautiful," he whispers in my ear, leaning over to kiss me passionately. "I want you to just lie here and relax. You don't have to worry about anything at all right now... just be my good boy and let me make you feel good."

I close my eyes under the blindfold, taking a deep breath as Kurt's mouth moves away from mine and to my neck. I let out the breath on a moan when his teeth catch my earlobe.

"Feel good?"

I nod.

His mouth moves down my neck, sucking hickeys down the front of my throat. He licks at my collarbone, and I whimper, surprised at how good it feels. "I love you," Kurt murmurs against my skin, twisting one of my nipples lightly with his hand and then sucking the other into his mouth. I gasp, fully hard now.

He switches sides, then starts down my stomach. He presses kisses against every inch of my skin, and then gently starts to pull my underwear down.

 

"Kurt, please-" I protest, uncomfortable with how one-sided this is. He shouldn't-

"Shh. You don't have permission to talk."

A shiver runs through me at his commanding tone. He kisses my hipbone, and tugs my underwear all the way off. I blush at how exposed I feel, blindfolded and bound. I can feel Kurt's eyes on me.

"Beautiful boy," he murmurs.

And then his mouth is on me, on my cock. I can feel that he's hesitant at first, but it feels incredible. Now I understand why everyone wanted me to do this, sometimes even more than fucking me. It's amazing.

And the way I'm bound and helpless helps me enjoy it. Otherwise, I think I'd be outright panicking at the fact that Kurt is giving me pleasure, when it's supposed to be the other way around.

His hand circles the base of my erection, slowly stroking me as he sucks at the head. I moan, hoping that's allowed. He doesn't stop, so I assume it's just words I'm not supposed to say.

And I'm not sure I could put a coherent phrase together right now, so that's not such a hardship.

He runs his other hand up and down my leg, soothingly. I relax into his touch as he starts to lick instead of sucking. He's tentative about it, but it still feels incredible.

I'm struggling to hold my hips still by the time he takes me back into his mouth. I don't want to thrust and hurt him, but it goes against every instinct not to try and get more of this amazing sensation.

He pulls away, and I groan in frustration- a frustration that disappears at his next words.

"You can come whenever you want, sweetheart."

He goes back to the gentle sucking of before, his hand still stroking me- almost in time with his mouth, but not quite, just enough to keep me on edge.

I try to hold out, because I want this to last as long as possible. However, it's quickly becoming a struggle. Perhaps it was only the lack of permission holding me back, because I'm biting my lip in an attempt to last only a few seconds after Kurt tells me I can come.

I try to focus on his hand gently petting my thigh, comforting me. It doesn't distract much from the pleasure- in fact, that, along with the cuffs holding me to the bed, are comforting and arousing at once.

He pulls away for another moment, though this time his hand doesn't slow, and starts to talk to me. I'd say it's dirty talk, but it's nothing like the humiliating things I'd been called before. I can tell Kurt is a little uncomfortable, but nonetheless his voice is reassuring and sensual as he says, "You look so gorgeous like this. So ready for me, so eager. The way you put yourself in my hands, make yourself completely vulnerable for me... It's unbelievable. I love the way you look when you're turned on, too. You blush all over your beautiful body, and bite your lip like that. I almost wish I hadn't blindfolded you, because your eyes are so expressive... I can see everything you're thinking and feeling in them, but I like to see you like this, too. Not knowing what's coming next, giving yourself completely to me, because you trust me that much. My good boy."

Those last three words drive me over the edge. I come in Kurt's hand, whimpering desperately but managing to avoid any words. He keeps stroking me through my orgasm, and just a little bit longer, until the pleasure becomes painful. When I can't bear anymore, he stops. For a second, I feel nothing- presumably as he wipes his hand off.

And then he kisses me, a long, passionate kiss, and undoes the cuffs so I can wrap my arms around him as our lips meet.

 

We kiss for a while, until I feel his erection against my hip.

"Can I?" I ask.

"If you want."

I take him into my hand. "I... tell me how..."

Kurt understands. He always does. "Go ahead. Nice and slow."

I start to stroke him. It's a little awkward at first, since I've rarely done this, but I get into the rhythm quickly.

"A little faster. Don't tease."

I obey. He kisses me as I keep stroking him, his tongue invading my mouth roughly. I kiss him back, still focusing on pleasuring him.

It doesn't take long for me to make him come. He kisses me through it, and then lets me go to wipe off my hand.

Soon enough, I'm back in our bed.

"Thank you," I say. "I... it was wonderful."

"It's not over yet."

"Really?"

"Come here."

He smiles, and pulls me into his arms. I relax as he holds me close.

"I love you," he tells me.

"I love you too," I murmur, my face pressed into his shoulder.

"I'm so proud of you, sweetheart. You've come so far, done so much for me."

"I never would have done it without you."

He kisses the top of my head. "Of course you would have. Just might have taken you a little longer."

"But you've helped me so much. I'm so lucky to have you."

"I'm the lucky one."

"I have to respectfully disagree." I trail off into a yawn mid-sentence.

He laughs. "Go to sleep, love. I'm right here."

"Goodnight."

Instead of falling silent, though, he starts to sing.

"In the middle of the night, I may watch you go. There'll be no value in the strength of walls that I have grown. There'll be no comfort in the shade of the shadows thrown. But I'll be yours if you'll be mine."

He hums through a few verses, obviously forgetting the lyrics. I fall asleep to the sound of Kurt singing to me, "Love the one you hold and I will be your gold, to have and to hold, a lover of the light," as he holds me close and safe.

 

The next day, over dinner eaten at our customary table for two in the cafeteria, Kurt mentions the subject we've both been avoiding.

"Four more weeks until summer break, love."

"I know."

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." I look down. "I... I'll be at home, over the summer. Probably alone most of the time. My dad will be in Japan for business, and my mom takes my brother to my grandma's in London."

"You won't go with them?"

"No. They... they're a little... since I came out."

He doesn't ask for clarification. "Your house isn't far away, is it?"

"Not at all. Maybe thirty minutes from yours."

"So you can come see me every day. Better yet, I can come see you, and that way we won't have to deal with my father."

"But..." Embarassed, I don't say what I'm thinking.

"Sweetheart?"

"Nothing." I'm blushing. Dammit, there's no way Kurt is going to let me get away with this without telling him.

"Tell me."

It's a clear order. I look down, not meeting his eyes. "I don't... we won't be able to... sleep together."

"That's why I said we should go to your hou- oh." He realizes what I mean. "In the non-metaphorical sense. No. No, we won't, unless I think we can get away with becoming nocturnal. My dad won't let me stay over."

"I... I'm not sure I can... without you," I admit.

"Blaine."

Slowly, I manage to look up at him. He reaches for my hand across the table.

"Sweetheart, there's no shame at all in telling me what you need. You know we'll figure out something together. We always have before, and we will again."

"Yes, Kurt."

"That's my good boy. You slept alone before we were together, didn't you?"

"Yes, but..."

"But?"

"I... I had nightmares... almost every night. And I..."

"You self-injured a lot, didn't you?"

"Every night, or I couldn't fall asleep. And... sometimes I'd... burn myself in the morning."

"With the straightener."

I nod.

"Okay. We'll have to figure something else out, then. I'll try talking to my dad, and... we'll see."

"You don't have to-"

He cuts me off. "Of course I do. Blaine, it's my job to take care of you."

"I... you don't..."

"Shh, love. Go get me another cup of coffee and stop being silly."

I obey him, the order calming me as he must have known it would.

When I return, he has a new set of commands for me. "This summer, I will spend as much time as I can with you. Overnight, or when I can't be there, you will call me anytime you have the urge to self-injure. You will call me if you sleep and have a nightmare. You will call me if you want to talk, or need me to drive over there, or simply want to hear my voice."

"Kurt-"

"I will not let logistics stand in the way of taking care of you, Blaine. You are mine, and I will protect you. Even from yourself."

There's nothing I can say to that, besides, "Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy."

 

Later that night, Kurt and I are quietly working on homework when he suddenly says, "Stand up."

I obey on instinct, before the surprise even sets in. "Kurt?"

"Relax. Do as I say."

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy. I want you to take off your shirt and pants, leave your underwear."

I strip down to my boxers.

"Fold your clothes neatly, put them on the bed."

I do.

"Now go into the bathroom and stand in front of the mirror."

I'm confused, unsure, but I do as I'm told. I stand there, avoiding looking at myself, for a few seconds before I see Kurt standing behind me, feel the warmth of his body near mine. His hands caress my shoulders, and he kisses me gently on my neck.

"You're a good boy, Blaine."

"Thank you."

"A beautiful boy."

"Kurt-"

"Don't you think so?"

I don't answer, unwilling to lie to him.

"Look at yourself."

I look up at the mirror.

"Now answer my question, sweetheart. Are you a beautiful boy?"

I watch myself blush. "N-no, Kurt."

"Thank you for being honest. I'm sorry you think that, because it isn't true."

"Kurt, I-"

"Quiet. I want you to look in the mirror."

I do, but it's hard.

"Tell me something you think is beautiful about yourself."

"Kurt-"

"And don't say a word until you've thought of something."

I stare blankly at myself. This is the hardest thing Kurt has ever asked me to do. It feels oddly like a punishment, although I know it isn't. But I've done harder things before. And Kurt- Kurt is gently stroking his hands up and down my back, comforting me. He knows this isn't easy, and he's here to help me.

"My skin," I say quietly.

"Hm?"

"I take pretty good care of it, and I don't know. Except for my back... I remember being upset when that happened, because I used to be so proud of having nice skin. So I guess, before- that would have been something I thought was- was beautiful about myself."

Kurt runs his hand down my back. I can feel myself trembling. "You're right. You do have gorgeous skin." He kisses one of the thick scars on my back. "Even here. Especially here." His lips touch another of the raised lines. It feels strangely good. "Not that I think there's anything good about someone hurting you. But your scars show how strong you are. How much you've been through. And how much you'll never, ever have to deal with again."

I let myself relax as he continues to kiss me, moving back up towards my neck. When he reaches the collar, he gently touches it with his fingertips, and I shiver. It feels like a part of me now, intimately connected with who I am- I'm his.

"Tell me something else. Something else beautiful about you."

The second time is a little easier. "I've... um, I've always thought I have kind of a nice smile."

"You light up the whole room when you're happy. I wish I could make you smile every second." And that makes me practically grin, until Kurt kisses me passionately. Suddenly I don't feel uncomfortable anymore, just protected, surrounded, by him. He holds me close in his arms, and I let him kiss me and kiss me.

Finally, we need to breathe. He lets me pull away, just enough to bury my face in his shoulder as I smile and smile.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extra trigger warnings for graphic flashbacks of physical abuse and discussion of emotional abuse and a brief mention of incest.

It starts with a dream. Two dreams, really.

The second nightmare was worse than the first, though. I was dreaming, as usual, about Sir. About being helpless, not even bound but still unable to move or resist or fight back. I started shaking, and Kurt woke me up.

After a few minutes of cuddling and comforting, I was able to fall back asleep, now tucked more securely in Kurt's arms and more able to relax.

Or so I thought.

As soon as I fall properly asleep, I'm back in the dream.

I can feel Sir standing there, watching me. I can't see, though. It's just the fact of his presence, terrifying as it is in reality, watching, judging, waiting for his chance to attack me.

Someone is cutting me open- not Sir, probably one of his friends. It feels like a scalpel, digging into my back, slitting my skin open. I can't even scream, it hurts so badly.

I wonder what he's carving, who he is. Why he's hurting me. 

No, that part I know.

He's hurting me because I deserve it. I'm worthless and filthy- this is all I'm good for. Being hurt this way.

I cry, but silently. I don't want to be punished anymore. I don't make a single sound-

Not until I'm finally able to pry my eyes open, and I see Kurt standing in front of me, holding a bloody knife.

"Blaine! Blaine!"

Kurt shakes me awake.

"Baby, what's wrong?"

I can't stop screaming. I can't- 

"Blaine, sweetheart, please-"

"No, no, please don't, please-"

"Blaine, I'm not going to hurt you. You need to stop screaming, or everyone's going to-"

"Don't, no, don't, please-"

Kurt grabs my hands, pinning them above my head. "Calm down, Blaine. Take a deep breath and be quiet."

On a whimper, I fall silent. I don't want to make him angry.

"Sweetheart. You had a nightmare. It isn't real."

Tears fall from my eyes.

"I love you, Blaine. I'm not going to hurt you."

I nod quickly.

Kurt kisses my forehead. "I'm going to tie your hands, all right?"

I nod again.

"You can answer, sweetheart."

"Yes, Kurt."

He binds my hands carefully to the headboard with the cuffs he keeps next to the bed. It starts to relax me, as always. I can hear Kurt's voice, although I can't see him after he says, "Close your eyes, pet, and listen to me."

"Yes, Kurt."

"I love you, Blaine. You're with me, and you're safe. I'm going to take care of you. Okay?"

"I know."

"All right. Tell me what happened."

"I- I had another bad dream."

"About?"

"About... it was about Sir, at first. I couldn't move, and he was watching me, and there was someone- someone... cutting me."

"Oh, Blaine-"

"And it was you," I confess, the words almost choking me. "You were holding the knife."

"I'm- oh my God, sweetheart, I'm so sorry-"

"I know. I know you'd never- you wouldn't ever..."

"Of course not, Blaine. I'd never hurt you."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean- I'm sorry-"

"I'm right here. Nothing to be sorry for, love." He sighs. "I- Blaine, I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in a minute."

"Okay."

"You just shout if you need me."

"Yes, Kurt."

He stands and walks away.

As soon as he's gone, I let myself start to cry. I didn't want to let him see me upset, didn't want to worry him, but when he's closed the bathroom door behind him tears start to stream down my cheeks.

I've made him angry. I can tell. He's clearly upset, and I can't think of another explanation- I must be annoying him with my clinginess and neverending need.

I turn my head to the side and close my eyes, letting the tears fall. I've got to calm down before Kurt comes back. 

The door opens again. I blink away my tears, unable to wipe them away because my hands are tied. 

Kurt has been crying too. His eyes are red.

"I'm sorry," I whimper, miserable at the thought that he might be suffering over me. 

"Blaine-"

He sounds so tired. "Sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"I didn't mean to. Please don't be mad. Please don't."

"Be quiet!" he shouts.

I bite back the sound of my sobs as my tears fall again.

Kurt's face softens. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have- I shouldn't-" and then a new emotion shifts over his features. "I left you."

"Wh-what?"

"I- Oh, God-" He covers his face with his hands.

"What's- what did I do? I'm sorry, I shouldn't, I'm sorry-"

"I... I broke our fucking contract, Blaine."

"What?" My first thought is that he cheated on me. Then I remember. "I- it doesn't matter."

"Of course it does. God, don't say that it doesn't. You're... I'm so fucking stupid."

"Don't-"

"I just needed a minute. To clear my head, you know? Because I didn't know how to... how to fix things. You were so scared and I didn't... Blaine, I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing here. I've never had a boyfriend before, much less a sub, and I- I love you so much, but I don't know... I've been doing my best, but-"

"You don't have to." I shut my eyes tightly, not able to look at him as I say this. "I wouldn't blame you if you left me. I'm too much trouble, I know that-"

"That's not what I meant."

"I know. Still true."

"Blaine, I- You don't need to apologize. I do. I'm the one who fucked this up."

"I-"

"I'm not leaving you. I'm not. But I have to- how can I make this up to you?"

"You don't have to."

"I left you alone and scared. Explicitly against our contract. Because I thought I got to decide when I did and didn't feel prepared to take care of you. That's not how it works. I always have to be here for you. And even if I didn't- I just wanted you to feel safe without me. But you can't. And I know that now. I'm sorry."

"I didn't- I don't-"

"Calm down. Sweetheart. Please, just... just relax. Listen to me. I'm sorry. I was thoughtless and careless and I made things worse when I'm supposed to make them better and I'm sorry. I love you and I want to fix this. Tell me what I can do."

"Just... Just, please, let me-"

He undoes the cuffs around my hands. I throw my arms around him, and he holds me back. He rocks me back and forth, and kisses the top of my head gently. "I'm sorry," he murmurs. "I'm here, I love you, I'm sorry..."

"I can't- I can't talk anymore right now. I don't-"

"I know, sweetheart. Tomorrow, okay? We'll figure it all out tomorrow."

"Okay. Promise- promise you won't leave?"

"I promise. I'll always be here for you, love." He sighs. "I may not always be perfect, but I'll always be here."

"What do you need, love?"

I squeeze my eyes shut. "I'm sorry, I can't, I'm sorry-"

"Hey. Listen, baby, listen-"

"I don't, sorry, please-"

"Blaine. Blaine, sweetheart-" He takes my face in his hands. "Open your eyes for me."

I obey.

"Look at me. That's a good boy."

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing, love?"

"Because I- I made you- I upset you. Selfish."

"Sweetheart." He kisses my forehead. "It isn't selfish. Okay? Even if I somehow decided to hold you responsible for your own nightmares, it still- you can always say anything, if you need, or even just want me, if you're ever... if you're ever scared, or upset, or anything. That's part of my job in taking care of you."

"But I- I'm supposed to-"

"Fuck that," he says flippantly. "Fuck supposed to, fuck anything he ever taught you you were supposed to want or need or be. You're mine now and I tell you how things are supposed to be. And I say we're supposed to figure out together what you should do." He kisses me gently. "You know that, sweetheart. Please don't let my mistake fuck things up completely."

"I'm- I won't- I-" I resist the urge to apologize again. And then a terrifying thought occurs to me.

Kurt must notice my fear, because he says, "Sweetheart, what is it?'

"You- you promise you won't leave?"

"Of course I won't. What makes you think-"

"Because... the... the contract, and-"

It takes him a second to figure it out, and then he sighs. "No, sweetheart. I would never- I would never intentionally break the contract so I could get out of my responsibility to you. Even if I wanted to. Which I don't."

"Promise?"

"I promise. I'll be here as long as you'll have me."

I nod, reassured for the moment.

"You don't have to worry, Blaine. You're still mine. And I promise- I swear- I won't let this happen again."

"I- Wait. Kurt, listen."

"Yes?"

"I want you to- to try and understand- I've made mistakes, right?"

"You have," he admits.

"I broke the contract. Remember? I cut myself."

"Of course I remember, that was fucking terrifying-"

"And you forgave me. You punished me, but you forgave me." I hold him tightly, hoping he won't be angry at me speaking out of turn this way. "You're even newer at this than I am, Kurt. You're... you're figuring it out as you go along, and you're doing a damn good job, but... is it so terrible that you make one mistake? Is it so impossible to believe that I could forgive you?"

"It's unforgivable," he says quietly. "When I have your whole heart, your entire well-being, in my hands- I can't make a mistake. Not when you've trusted me this way."

I shake my head. "But I do forgive you."

"Blaine-"

"I still love you. I'm still yours." I smile at him, echoing his statement from earlier. "I'm still here."

And then- we make it through.

Kurt is very careful with me, even more than usual. He doesn't let me go to class the next day, insisting I'm too tired. He makes me stay in bed, and checks up on me repeatedly with sweet little texts or visits.

He brings me flowers, which he apparently had Finn buy and bring all the way from Lima (a fact that explains their somewhat bedraggled state). He buys us dinner out or delivery every night. He brings me breakfast in bed. 

"Kurt, you do know I'm not mad at you," I ask after a few days of the royal treatment.

"I know."

"So you can stop wooing me."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because it's embarassing?"

"You're cute when you're embarrased. Anyway, at least I haven't serenaded you in public yet."

"Please don't."

"Private singing still okay?"

"Always."

So he sings me to sleep, and I wonder where we're going from here.

It's a fairly normal afternoon when he says to me, "Blaine, can we talk?"

As much as I don't like those words, I agree.

"I'm... I'm having a really hard time dealing with what I did. Don't argue, sweetheart. I just- I want you to know- I can't-" He looks away. "I can't tell what the difference is between me and him, not when I'd hurt you like that."

"I forgive you," I interrupt, not even hesitating at the idea of being rude to my Dom. "Kurt, listen to me. Really listen. I was terrified of him. I never knew what he'd do to me next. Yes, you did something I didn't want or like, something I wasn't comfortable with. You made a mistake. He didn't even care enough to ask what I wanted or didn't want. You know that. He didn't give me a contract to break... he just told me how things were going to be. You've never done that, and I know you'll never do that."

"Of course not, I-"

"So you can stop punishing yourself for it. You wouldn't let me torture myself this way, and I don't intend to let you do it to yourself. You don't deserve to feel guilty anymore."

"Blaine-"

"It's not wrong to be upset for a little while. It's what makes you different from him. But I wouldn't trust you if I thought you'd do something like this on purpose. And I do. I love you."

"I love you too," he says, having run out of arguments.

"So can we put this behind us?"

He sighs. "I guess we can."

"That doesn't sound convincing."

He laughs. "All right, sweetheart. I promise. We can."

"Forgotten?"

"Forgiven, at least. I have to learn from my mistakes."

I accept the compromise and kiss him gently to seal the deal.

"Yeah, Dad. I'd love to. Okay. Seven? Great. See you then."

Kurt hangs up his cell phone and sits at his desk chair, motioning to me. I scoot forward so I'm kneeling, not just beside him, but at his feet.

"We're going to my family's for dinner tonight."

"You can go. I'll be fine."

"We are going. We. You and I."

"Kurt, I- I don't want-"

"I'm afraid I have to insist, love."

"Because... because of what happened last time?"

"No. That's in the past. Just because I want you to get to know my family. Especially because we're all going to be spending a lot of time together this summer."

"Right."

"Blaine." He grabs my chin, tilting it up so I have to meet his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Allow me to rephrase, sweetheart. Where's all this attitude coming from?"

"I'm not- I didn't mean-"

"Just tell me."

"I just hate having to remember that I... that I failed. That I disobeyed you."

He presses a kiss against my lips. "Blaine, that's in the past. Forgiven, completely forgiven. You don't need to feel bad about it anymore, love. That's why I punish you when you make mistakes. So we can move on."

"I know, I just... and I didn't make a good impression on them last time, and..."

"Are you scared of my family?"

"A... a little," I admit. "I just... I know they're important to you. That's the whole thing. And I'm sure they were very understanding but I locked myself in their bathroom, Kurt. I didn't exactly stun and impress them."

"My family likes you. They understand. Especially my dad." He kisses me again. "You have to come with me tonight, sweetheart. That's an order. But when we get home... I think there may be a reward in it for you."

"If I can make it through dinner," I say, half a question, half to myself.

"No. Either way." He takes my hand, helping me up from my knees. "And if you have to leave, at any time, you just tell me."

"But I... I don't want..."

"Blaine. You will take care of yourself. Non-negotiable."

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy." He walks over to the closet. "Let's get you dressed, then."

"It's barely four."

"Never enough time for layering," he jokes, and I smile briefly.

"Okay."

He looks over at me, and freezes. "You know what? Nevermind."

"Sorry, I didn't-"

"Fashion can wait. Come cuddle with me."

I grin, and we jump into bed together, curling up side by side.

We pull into his dad's driveway exactly on time. I'm sleepy and cheerful from our two hours spent lying in bed, doing precisely nothing, and Kurt is grinning with excitement. I take up so much of his time, when he should be with his family.

Kurt draws me into his arms as soon as we're out of the car. He kisses my forehead. "I love you, sweetheart. Relax."

"I just-"

"My dad loves you, Blaine. And he understands."

"You told him? How much?"

"Nothing personal. Just that you've had a rough time. He knows that not every gay kid has a dad like him."

"Okay."

"I wouldn't tell anyone anything more. It's not my secret, Blaine."

"Okay."

He sighs. "Take a deep breath, baby. It's going to be all right. Try and have a little fun, okay?"

"I'll try."

"Good boy."

He takes my hand in his, and opens the door with his free hand. 

His stepmother hugs him firmly, and me quickly. Burt greets both of us with nods, and Finn smiles tentatively at me.

"Thanks for coming, boys," Burt says. 

"Thank you for having me."

We gather around the table. FInn catches Kurt up on all the McKinley gossip, and I make polite conversation with Carole about her work and with Burt about some trouble he's having with his employees. I actually enjoy the conversation, which I wasn't expecting. I thought I'd be too focused on making a good impression, but Kurt's family is really very sweet. I'm sorry I let myself get so hung up on that first, disastrous dinner. I'd have liked to get to know them sooner.

Carole passes platters around the table. There's salad and mashed potatoes and fish. I eat more than I should of everything, it's so good, and am persuaded to take two helpings of the chocolate pudding Carole made for dessert.

"I didn't even know you could make pudding from scratch. I thought it had to come out of the little packet," I say.

Burt laughs. "I don't care where it comes from, as long as it ends up on my plate."

After dinner, Carole and Kurt head to the kitchen to pack up leftovers for Kurt to bring back to school and Finn and Burt head to the living room to watch a baseball game.

I hesitate, unsure who to go with. I like baseball, and I haven't had a chance to watch for ages. Then again, I shouldn't be too far from Kurt, and I don't want to intrude-

"Go to the living room, sweetheart," Kurt says. His voice is gentle and casual, but it's clearly phrased as an order. Relieved, I head to the living room couch.

Kurt decides it's time for us to go around ten. Goodbye hugs are exchanged all around, I thank them all profusely, and Kurt and I head back to the car.

"That went well."

Kurt nods. "Yeah."

"I'm... I had a really nice time. I thought I wouldn't... not that I don't like them, just I thought I might be too nervous, and I-"

"Blaine." Kurt's tone makes me look up at him. "I understand. No need to explain yourself- and no need to be nervous. I'm very proud of you, and I'm very happy."

I smile at him. "I'm glad."

"You'll be gladder once I get you home."

Suddenly, the drive can't be over soon enough.

We run upstairs, hand in hand. We're out of breath by the time we reach our room. He closes the door behind us and locks it carefully, then jumps on the bed and pats the space beside him.

I sit down.

"So. Do you mind if we talk for a minute, first?"

"Of course not."

"I need to tell you something."

I look up at him, panicked.

"Sweetheart. Relax."

I dismiss my traitorous thoughts and let myself calm down a little.

"I want to make love to you- and I think I'm ready. If you are."

At first, I can't even believe it. I've wanted this so badly, for so long.

When Kurt and I were first together, I wanted it for all the wrong reasons. I wanted it because I thought he did, and because I thought it was all I had to offer.

I've come a long way since then.

"Can we wait?" I ask. "I mean... It isn't that I don't want to. Because I do. I love you so much and I want you so badly, but... I want some time to think about it."

"Of course."

"It's just... it's a big thing. You think it won't change you but it will, and... what's done is done, and can never be undone. I can't change the past but I can... I can be more careful this time."

"What aren't you sure of? I'm not trying to pressure you or anything. I just want to know, so if there's anything I can do to make you feel more safe- not for that, but just in general- that I can do it."

"It's not anything you're doing. I'm just... I've been trying to figure out for myself, while we've been together, what it is I really want from all this. From us. What I really like, and what I used to but can't anymore, and what I need, and what I want to try to like again. And I think... I think I have to put a little more thought in it, before I can say I'm really ready." I look at Kurt, hoping he won't be mad or disappointed.

His eyes are shining with tears. Quietly, he says, "I am so, so proud of you."

I rest my head on his shoulder and take his hand. "It's all because of you."

"Because of us. Look how far we've come."

"I'll tell you. When I'm ready."

"Okay. And until then... just pretend this whole conversation never happened." He kisses the top of my head. "I just wanted to get that off my chest, sweetheart. Before we started doing anything."

"What are we going to do? I mean, if it's okay for me to ask."

"I want to explore some of those things you like." He tilts my chin up with his hand and kisses me on the lips. 

I sigh happily against his mouth, relaxing. He starts to unbutton my shirt.

"Should I-"

"No, you just relax. Don't move unless I say to."

"Yes, Kurt."

He takes off my shirt and then tells me to stand so he can get the rest of my clothes off easily. When I'm totally naked, he tells me to lie down on the bed, on my stomach.

I shiver a little, half from cold and half from anticipation.

Kurt runs his hand down my back. I can feel his weight settle on the bed beside me.

"Relax," he whispers. "I love you." He kisses the back of my neck where my shoulders meet, just below my collar. "You're my beautiful boy, and I love you so very much."

I sigh happily. 

Kurt kisses every one of the scars on my back. I can feel his touch, featherlight, almost tickling. The gentle pressure sends me half-dreaming.

When he reaches the bottom of my lower back, he pulls away. His hands begin to trace the same path downward, starting from my shoulders. He's touching me more firmly now, pausing to work away a knot in my back here and there. Instead of grounding me, his firmness makes me float higher. It feels like his hands are the only thing in the whole world.

This time, when he reaches the top curve of my ass, he doesn't stop. Instead, he continues tracing his hands downward until he touches the tops of my thighs. Then he pulls his hands away. For a few seconds, I feel nothing, and then he spanks me. He hits lightly, just three times- enough to make me ache with longing, enough to make my skin feel sensitive and tingly, but not enough to hurt.

Nonetheless, he kisses the skin as if in apology. His lips are cool.

He then gently touches my hip, and I get the message, rolling over onto my back. He takes one of my nipples in his fingers, pinching until I can just barely call the sensation pain. When I gasp, he smiles and soothes it with his mouth even as he does the same thing to my other nipple.

He takes my wrists in his hands and pushes them up to the headboard. I expect him to tell me to hold on, but instead he holds me there. I'm effectively trapped underneath his body.

The thought that this would once have frightened me drifts across my mind, though in my relaxed state I can't think why. It seems nothing could ever worry or bother me. I'm the safest person in all the world, trapped here in Kurt's arms.

He bites and sucks at my throat, leaving a mark above the collar, and I whimper as I imagine what my neck will look like, twice marked by him.

My hips jerk up against his. At first, I freeze, worried he'll disapprove, but he just grins at me and I begin to understand.

I'm tentative at first. This is new. But I'm comforted by his weight on top of me, and by his hands holding me in place.

So, slowly, I begin to move against him. 

Slowly doesn't last for very long. I become dreadfully aware of how hard I am, and how strong and hot Kurt is on top of me.

His lips and teeth move against my neck, sucking marks where earlier he'd rained gentle kisses. His hands hold my wrists firmly. I hope there will be bruises.

He kisses my lips just as fiercely then, his teeth scraping against my lower lip and his tongue forcing my mouth open. 

My hips move against him with something approaching desperation. I can feel he's hard too, and that only spurs me on.

He breaks off the kiss. Before I have time to start to beg for release, he murmurs, "Come."

The thought that it's the first word either of us have spoken for many minutes crosses my mind, and then I obey. My orgasm is mindless and fierce. My vision goes white and I gasp for breath and scream with pleasure all at once- Kurt claps his hand over my mouth to keep me from waking the whole school.

When it's done, he kisses me carefully and heads to the bathroom to clean me up. I'm too dazed with pleasure and satisfaction to say anything at all, and instead let myself be gently sponged off and then wrapped in his arms to sleep.

Kurt is on the phone with his father, and I'm practicing the new song for the Warbler's Spring Concert. I sing quietly, so I won't disturb him, and I try not to listen in.

He looks worried, though. I hope everything's okay.

They talk for almost an hour, and when Kurt hangs up, his face is tense.

"What's wrong?"

"Um. Well, there's good news, and there's bad news."

"Yeah?"

"Which do you want first?"

"Good."

"Dad says you can stay with us over the summer."

I grin. "That's great! I was so worried-"

"I know. I mean, we won't have all the freedom we have here, but we'll be together. He's going to make up a separate room for you, and everything, but after I told him- I didn't go into too much detail, but I explained about your parents, and how you didn't really have anywhere else to go- at least, anywhere else where there'd be anyone who cared about you. And he said you could stay with us."

"And the bad news?"

He hesitates. "I can't come back to Dalton next year."

"What? Why?"

"My dad can't afford it."

"But- but that's not- there has to be something we can do."

"He checked. It's too late for scholarships, and if he takes out a loan, we might not be able to get one for me to go to college. I have to go back to McKinley."

"But then- it's not safe there!"

"It's better. Karofsky isn't there anymore, and-"

"It's still not safe. What if someone else tries to hurt you?"

"I don't know, Blaine. I'm sorry." He shakes his head. "Don't worry about me. I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"If I'm not here- It's one thing over the summer, but during the school year? We'll hardly see each other."

"So I'll transfer too."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"Because... Dalton's a better school. You're happy here, you have good friends, everyone adores you- you can't give all that up. Besides, it's putting your whole future at risk. Dalton's the best school in the state, and McKinley's a third-rate public high school. I can't ask you to do that for me."

"You didn't ask."

"Blaine-"

"I won't be happy here without you. And you know it."

"Even if you do- it won't be like it is here. Where will you live? And we won't be able to be alone, like we are here..."

"We'll work it out." I leave the desk and sit next to him, on the bed. He still looks incredibly tense. Gently, I take both his hands. "We'll figure it out, Kurt. I mean, it sucks. Sure. But I'm so much better than I was a couple of months ago. I'll be okay without you sometimes. Really, I will. It'll take some getting used to, but it will be all right. And it's only one year, and then college."

"Which is a whole different set of problems."

"That we'll get through together."

Late the next evening, I'm kneeling beside him while we both read.

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm... I was wondering..."

"What is it?"

"Could we maybe play a little?"

He smiles. "Of course. Any particular reason why?"

"I'm just... I feel a little restless. I need to just not have to worry about anything for a little bit."

"Thank you." He takes my hand, pulling it onto his lap. "It's easier for me to take care of you when you can tell me what you need."

"And... and you don't mind if I ask, right?" I feel silly for needing the confirmation, but I do.

"I always want you to ask me for anything you want or need." He strokes my hair soothingly for a moment. "I want you to take your clothes off now. You may stand up to do so."

I strip quickly, feeling only a little awkward. Kurt's eyes are on me the whole time.

"You are gorgeous," he tells me, and I blush.

"Thank you, Kurt."

"I want you to walk over to the bed and kneel there."

I do.

"Comfortable?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good. Close your eyes. I'm going to tie your arms behind your back and your ankles in place. I won't blindfold you, but I want you to keep your eyes closed."

"I will," I say, hearing a waver in my own voice. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, obedient. I hear Kurt's footsteps as he walks to the closet, and as he walks back to the bed. I feel something- probably a tie- wrap around my ankles, tying them firmly but not painfully together. The now well-worn cuffs close around my wrists.

"Feel secure?"

"Yes."

"Anything hurt?"

"No."

"Let me know if anything starts to feel uncomfortable. Otherwise, I want you to stay right where you are and just relax. Keep your mind clear. Focus on your breathing. Don't open your eyes."

"Yes, Kurt."

"My good boy," he murmurs affectionately, and that's the last thing I hear. If he moves, it's too quietly for me to detect. If he does anything other than sit there watching me, I don't know. I think I can feel his eyes on me, but it's only my imagination. I feel heat coming from him, but I'm not even sure he's there.

He doesn't say a word, doesn't touch me at all, just leaves me kneeling on the bed. Maybe he's over at the desk, doing homework. Maybe he's staring at me. Maybe he's left the room completely.

Although I trust him to be here, I trust him not to break our rules again.

My bare skin feels hyper-sensitive. I can feel the weave of the fabric on the tie, the sheets underneath me, even the weight of my collar that's usually so familiar I never notice it anymore.

My own breaths and heartbeat sound incredibly loud in the silence. I try to count them, wondering how long I've been kneeling here, but after three hundred something breaths I lose track. 

I don't know how long it is after that. For a while, after I give up on counting, it's hard to keep my eyes clothes. I think of taking just a peek, just to know where Kurt is in the room, whether he's beside me or behind me or not near me at all. I'm pretty sure I could get away with just a quick peek.

I almost open my eyes, too, before I remember that Kurt told me to wait, to be still and keep my eyes closed. And I want to please him. 

So I kneel, still and silent, and I wait.

After some time, I feel a gentle touch on the back of my head. Kurt's hand wraps around the nape of my neck, pulling me forward.

"Open your mouth, sweetheart."

I do, and he guides my head forward and down, pushing my mouth onto his cock. I'm not quite expecting it- of course, it's the logical conclusion given my position, but I'm drifting from the long period of silence.

He lets me adjust to the feeling for a little before forcing my head further down. I choke a little, and he eases up, so I could pull away if I wanted to.

I don't.

"Try to get away if you need a break. I'll let you," he says, and I hum understanding. "Good boy."

He pushes my head further down, so his whole cock is in my mouth. 

"Suck," he orders, his voice rough, and I do my best, given the awkward angle my head is at and the way my mouth is full. 

I'm just starting to feel a little dizzy from the lack of air when he lets his hands go from the nape of my neck to tangle in my hair, and pushes me up and away so I can breathe easily for a few seconds. When the dizziness is gone and my breathing is steady, he pushes my head even further down, so my mouth is touching his balls. Tentatively, I lick the skin there, which I know is sensitive.

"Good," he praises. "Go on."

This time, he doesn't force my head into place, just strokes my hair encouragingly as I start to suck and lick. I've done this before. Even if it wasn't for Kurt, I still feel like I know generally what's good, what's pleasing. 

I want so badly to please him. I want to be allowed to make him come.

I focus on making this as good as I can, on what makes him gasp or moan or react in any way. It isn't long before he's guiding me back to his cock, letting me take the head into my mouth. This time, I set the pace, and I can focus so much better on making him feel good.

"Blaine," he moans, and I feel pride and happiness through my chest. "Fuck- I'm going to- I want to come all over you. All over your face."

I don't know how to show my willingness, my eagerness, but apparently he figures it out. He pulls me back enough that his come hits my lips and chin, splashing hot on my face as he groans my name again.

He reaches for my face, trailing his fingers across the sticky trail left on my skin.

"Can I-" and then, blushing, I think better of it.

"Say it. Tell me."

"Can I lick it off your fingers? Please?"

"Fuck." He pushes the fingers into my mouth, which I take as consent. Carefully, worshipfully, I clean his fingers with my tongue. He gathers more come off my face and lets me lick that up too. "So hot," he says, and I moan happily at the praise. "I'm so damn lucky. What am I going to do with a perfect boy like you?"

"Anything you want?" I suggest, and he kisses me, open-mouthed and passionate.

After the kiss, he tells me I can open my eyes, and then undoes the cuffs on my wrists and the tie around my ankles. "Sore at all?"

"No. Feel good. Except..." 

"Except what? Tell me."

"I'm... um..." I gesture at my crotch, where I'm visibly, painfully hard. I'd barely noticed the throbbing ache before, so focused as I was on pleasing Kurt, but now it's insistent and intense.

"Oh. Would you like me to do something about that?"

"Please."

"What if I don't?"

I'm surprised. I shouldn't be- I shouldn't expect to get to come all the time- but I am. Kurt's never denied me before. "That's your choice, of course."

"Is it?"

"Y-yes."

He wraps a hand firmly around the base of my cock and starts to stroke me, almost roughly. "So I could do this all night and not let you come?"

"I'm- um, I'm not sure I could stand up to that. I might end up- I don't know if I can-"

"You can. You can do anything I tell you to, can't you?"

"Kurt, please-"

"You're all mine."

"Yes. Yours. Please-"

"No." He starts to pinch and roll my nipples with his other hand, and he slows the pace of the hand on my cock so it's excruciatingly slow.

"Please-"

"On your back." He pushes me down so I'm lying prone. "Spread your legs."

I obey, not sure how much more I can take of this.

"Do not come. Do you understand me?"

"Y-yes, Kurt-"

He licks my cock, from base to tip, unbelievably slowly. A strangled, broken moan comes from my throat. He sucks the head into his mouth and holds it there, in the wet heat, his tongue slowly tracing a circle around it.

"God, Kurt, I can't, I can't, I need to come, please, please-"

He pulls away. "You'll do whatever I tell you to do."

"I- yes, I will, I'm yours-"

 

"Touch yourself."

I bite my lip. I don't know if I can hold on much longer.

"Don't make me repeat myself, boy."

I take my dick in hand and start to stroke it.

"Harder. Come on. Make it feel good."

I cry out desperately. I can barely hold on. It hurts.

"Stop."

I freeze in place, my hips jerking helplessly into the air.

"Again. This time, not a sound out of you. Go on."

I close my eyes again, unable to bear it. I have to bite down hard on my lip to stay silent as I endure the impossible torture of pleasure without release. I'm almost glad this time to hear the order to stop.

Next, it's his hand again, which is so much worse. He kisses me as he strokes me furiously, biting and sucking at my lips until they're swollen and I'm gasping desperately into his mouth and thrusting into his hand mindlessly.

He pulls away completely, so he isn't touching me at all.

"Beg me," he orders. 

Words stream out of my mouth, no thought behind them, nothing but the desperate desire for release. "Please, please, I'm begging you, please, I can't take it, it feels too good, I need to, please, please let me, please, Kurt, please-"

"You don't need to," he says, almost coldly.

"I do-"

"You don't need anything but what I choose to give you."

I flush, realizing my mistake. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean, it's just- it hurts, it feels so good that it hurts- Please, please-"

"Come." He doesn't even have to touch me again. Just the word is enough, and I'm crying out and shaking with relief and release.

When my orgasm is over, he draws me into his arms. There's already a cloth beside the bed, and he cleans up my stomach and the remnants of come on my face.

"How are you feeling?"

"Incredible."

"You sure? That was... it was intense. Maybe more intense than what we've done before."

"I loved it. I love you."

"Okay. I just want to know that you're all right," he says quietly. "At the end there, when I said-"

I realize what he's worried about. "You're right, Kurt. All I need is you."

"But I don't want- I know how stuff like that, mind games like that, can freak you out. I'm not trying to trip you up or anything, there's no wrong answer-"

"That's right," I say. "Because with us, it's just teasing. You maybe said I didn't need to come, but you let me anyway. You'd never hurt me for something I said, or try and trip me up. That's the difference."

He sighs. "Thank you. Sorry to freak out at you."

"It's okay."

He kisses my forehead softly. "I love you so much, Blaine. You really are incredible. You're an amazing submissive and an amazing lover and I'm so lucky to have you as part of my life."

"You're everything I ever wanted. Having this... it's like having all my dreams come true."

He kisses me one more time, gently on my lips, and then holds me close until we both fall asleep.

I wake up to a cup of coffee and a yogurt parfait on my bedside table and Kurt sitting, clothed, on the edge of the bed.

"Hi," he says fondly.

"G'morning," I grumble.

"You sound tired."

"You wore me out."

"Sorry," he says unrepentantly. 

"You aren't freaking out about last night, are you?"

"What?" 

He sounds genuinely surprised. "Well, I just say that because you brought me breakfast, and everything," I explain.

"Oh. That's because I wanted to make sure we had a little time to talk."

"I'm fine."

"I know. But last night was something different, and I want to talk to you about it a little. Eat your breakfast."

"Aren't you going to have anything?"

"I ate already."

"Okay." 

Kurt watches me take a few bites before he starts talking. "So you're feeling okay?"

"I feel good."

"Physically, emotionally-"

"Yeah."

"And last night. Is there anything we did that you feel uncomfortable with, or that you wouldn't want to do again?"

"No." I'm taken aback. "I would have stopped you, Kurt."

"I know. I do know that. But just because you enjoy something once doesn't mean you'll enjoy it again."

"I would enjoy all of that again. It was amazing."

He smiles, truly pleased. "Good. I just wanted to be sure."

"Did you- I mean, was it-"

"You're such a good boy, Blaine. You were perfect for me."

I blush, taken aback- and a little turned on- by his possessive tone. "Thank you."

"I want to make sure you always enjoy our scenes as much as I do, sweetheart. But you can rest assured that I do." He leans over to kiss me on the forehead. "Anything else you want to tell me?"

"Just... really. Thank you. For last night, and for everything-"

"I'm so glad you asked me for that."

"Good."

"You should get ready for class. Let me know if there's anything else we need to talk about and we will, okay?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"That's my good boy."

"I've made a decision about next year," Kurt says to me a few days later.

"What about?"

"I'm not letting you transfer."

"What?"

"You're staying at Dalton while I go back to McKinley."

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I shouldn't snap to judge him, maybe he's misspeaking. "We talked about this. I want to come with you, because I'll be happier with you than here. I know you feel guilty about that, but I need you to support me on this."

"I can't."

"You're going to have to learn to live with it." I look down, surprised at myself for saying such a distinctly unsubmissive thing, but I continue. "You aren't going to be able to convince me to do something else. I'm following you to McKinley."

"No, Blaine. You're going to stay here."

"That's not a decision you get to make."

"Wrong. It is."

"You can't run my life without checking to make sure I agree with your decisions."

"I'm pretty sure I can. I'm pretty sure you asked me to take charge of you and take care of you. That includes deciding what's best for you, and that's what I'm doing. Dalton is an amazing opportunity, and McKinley is kind of a hellhole. I may be losing this opportunity, but I won't let you lose it too."

"This is not something you can decide for me, Kurt," I insist.

"Yes, it is. Do I have to pull out the contract?"

"Do I have to use my safeword?"

He doesn't say anything after that. The silence is long and cold. I find myself increasingly afraid. We've never fought like this before, and I've never had to feel afraid of him. But that only strengthens my resolve.

"I shouldn't have to. I should be able to work through this with you."

"But this isn't between us. This is-"

"How is it not?"

"It's outside of our relationship."

"Okay, yeah. But it affects us. And you're my Dom, not my parent, Kurt. We decide things together or I let you decide for me. I'm not letting you have this."

"But you're supposed to-"

"We're supposed to decide things together, because we're together. We're a couple. You have power over me, but I give that power to you. Isn't that how it's supposed to be? I trust you and I choose to let you decide what I wear, what kind of sex we have or don't, what we do most of the time. But I'm not letting you make a decision this big on your own. That's not power I've given you."

"I just want what's best for you," he says, quietly.

"I know. I know that, Kurt. I don't think you have any bad intention or anything. I'm just saying... I have to draw a line here. This is too big a decision for me to give up to you. And it's not even that I don't trust you... it's that I disagree with you. I want to go with you to McKinley. And my wants have to come into it somewhere."

"You don't know what it's like there."

"I know you'll be there. I know I was empty here before I had you and miserable before I came here, and I know now every day is worth living for me. Because of you. I don't want to lose that, not for anything. And I don't want to fight about this anymore."

"But you have a better future if you stay."

"Maybe in the long run. But in the short term, my future's better if I stay with you." I walk to him and take his hands. "Kurt, let's not fight. I know you want me to be happy. I know. And I'm happiest with you."

"I'm sorry," he says, finally. "You're right, I was out of line."

"So you'll let me come with you?"

"Doesn't seem like I have much of a choice, does it?" he says, but it's gentle, teasing.

I smile and kiss him. "Maybe you can reassert your dominance in a more mutually agreeable way later."

"Maybe."

I don't make it to rehearsal the next day. I just can't do it. I can't stop thinking of the past, of my stupid failures, of how disgusting I am.

I won't hurt myself, because I don't want to let Kurt down, but I just can't pretend everything is all right. I can't sing and dance and be happy.

Instead, I go back to my room, hoping for a few hours to feel sorry for myself while Kurt rehearses with everyone else.

He's waiting for me when I open the door. 

"Wes texted me to say you weren't coming," he explains. "Tell me what's wrong."

I walk into the room, past him, close the door, and fall to my knees. "I need you to punish me."

"Did you do something to deserve that, sweetheart?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"What? You have to tell me." He reaches for me, to stroke my face as he often does. I flinch away.

"Don't!"

"Blaine? What's wrong?"

"Don't touch me, please," I mumble, embarassed at my outburst."

"What do you mean? Why not?"

"I'm dirty. I don't deserve it."

He sighs. "Sweetheart, where is all this coming from? Is this because of our fight?"

"No, Kurt."

"Are you sure? Tell me the truth."

"I'm sure, Kurt."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm a bad sub and a worse person and I need you to hurt me, please."

He nods. "As soon as you tell me what you've done wrong, love, of course I will."

"Thank you, thank you-"

"But you have to tell me." He sits on the edge of the bed, motioning at the spot beside him. I shake my head tentatively, and he nods, giving me permission to stay kneeling. "I have to know what's wrong, Blaine."

"I can't-"

"Then I can't give you what you're asking for." He holds out his hand, and I tentatively reach up to take it. "I love you, and I want to take care of you. But I won't hurt you until I know why you're hurting, sweetheart. I have to know that it's not because of what happened yesterday, and I have to make sure I'm not doing more harm than good. Do you understand why i'm asking?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Will you tell me?"

I can't even agree to that aloud. I nod once, quickly.

"Take as long as you want, sweetheart. Okay?"

"Thank you, Kurt."

I hold on to his hand, looking down at the ground. After a few minutes, I start to speak. "I'm... I'm too... I can't do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"You know you can trust me, don't you?"

"Of course."

"Then trust me enough to tell me."

"I didn't... I can't..."

"Shh. Don't cry, sweetheart. Tell me what happened so I can help you, all right?"

"Yes, Kurt," I whisper obediently. "I... We were... We had a police officer come in to Civics today. He was there to talk about internet safety."

"Shit," Kurt hisses.

"He said... Don't be stupid. Whatever you do... people will find out. People will see..."

Kurt runs his fingers through my hair until I stop trembling and I can finish talking.

"I gave him... pictures, videos, all kinds of things. I said so many things... sick things, things that weren't even true. He made me... but that doesn't matter. What matter is that it's out there, he still has it, and... I can never be a singer now. If I ever get famous, he could plaster those pictures all over the place and everyone would know what I am."

"What you are is my beautiful, precious boy, Blaine. And I want you to relax for a second and listen to me, okay?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"The pictures, whatever he has of you, is child pornography. Technically speaking. He can't show it to anyone, ever, unless he'd like to go to jail for an extremely long time... which I certainly wouldn't mind, but the point stands. He can't use them against you."

"Really?"

"I will be the first person to call the fucking FBI on him. And the other thing... You are not responsible for what he did to you. You were manipulated, abused, and taken advantage of. That doesn't make you stupid, or weak, or anything else. It makes you a victim, and it made you a survivor. And fuck anyone who says differently. You shouldn't be ashamed of what happened to you. Someone hurt you. That's not your fault."

"Kurt..."

"It isn't. There's nothing you could have done."

"But I... I let him... I was the one who..."

"You didn't want this."

"But I did it anyway."

"You did nothing wrong. Trust me, sweetheart. Trust me."

I bite my lip. "I do... I... I didn't..."

"Shh. Come here."

He takes my hands and pulls me up to my feet, and then into his lap. I bury my face in his shoulder and he rocks me gently back and forth until my shaking stops.

"Sweet boy, look at me."

I do.

"Now, tell me honestly. Do you still want me to hurt you? I can do that, if you need me to, but I won't call it punishment, because you didn't do anything wrong."

"I... I'm okay."

"Good." He holds me tight for a moment. "I want to ask you something, Blaine."

"What?"

"I know this might not be the best time for it. But I figure this would upset you any time, so I might as well, now, instead of ruining what could be a happy time."

"Just ask."

"You don't have to answer. Tell me if you don't want to, and I won't ask again."

"Okay, Kurt."

He must sense my irritation, because he smiles. "Okay. Okay, sweetheart." Then he pulls me close again, so I can't see his face. I sort of thought that was my trick. "There's something you said to me a long, long time ago, and it's weighed on me... because I think it's weighing on you."

"Which is?"

"When we were first... when I first suggested this kind of relationship, and you first told me about him, and what he did to you..."

I tense. "Yes?"

"Never mind. I'm just going to upset you-"

"I'm already upset. Clearly. Just ask the damn question," I snap.

"Watch your tone, sweetheart."

"Sorry, Kurt."

"It's all right. I've been wondering... especially because of how worried you are that other people might find out... some of the things he made you do. And, all that time ago, you said... that he made you say things about yourself, and about- your family."

"Oh, God." I'd hoped he'd forgotten about that. It's been so long, and he hasn't mentioned it at all. I thought he just hadn't taken much note of one little sentence... of course, Kurt pays attention to everything.

"You don't have to answer."

"Just... just know that... none of it was true. Never. He... he made me say... I didn't mean..."

"Of course, sweetheart. Of course. I've told you, I'd never blame you for anything you did because of him."

"He made me- made me say-" The words, the terrible words, are still crystal clear in my mind. I'm just not sure I can get them out. But Kurt just waits, patiently, not asking, not demanding. "I don't know if I can-"

"Shh, Blaine, it's all right-"

"I can't... you'll hate me. They'll hate me... disgusting..." I'm in tears, sobbing out the words.

"I could never hate you. Whatever he made you do, it wasn't real, you didn't mean it..."

"But I still said it... He... He got in my head, he made me say... anything, anything he wanted me to, I couldn't... I'm so weak, so..."

"No, you aren't. You're strong, or you never would have survived the things he did to you."

"But he didn't... he didn't hurt me, or threaten me, to make me say... he just... I just wanted to be..." I don't want to admit it. I know it will hurt Kurt, if I admit how badly I once wanted to belong to the man who was so cruel to me.

"You're a submissive, sweetheart. It's in your nature to want to please. He took advantage of that, and he was wrong, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to be protected and taken care of, there's nothing wrong with wanting to please and be useful and good. And you are, now. I'm here to protect you and care for you, and you are so, so good for me. You please me so much, every day. But I can see how much this has been weighing on you, and I think it would help if you told me what he made you say. You don't have to, but I think you should."

I pull away from him, sinking back to the floor, and close my eyes. He doesn't try to stop me. "He asked me if I wanted to be his... his slut. And I said yes. He asked me if I was a slut, and how much of a slut I was. I said that I- I thought all the time about... sex. Actually, what I said was- was... being fucked. Then he asked who I thought about being fucked by and I said him, and he said... he said, 'Who else, a dirty slut like you could never be happy with just one dick' and I tried to insist, j-just him, but he was getting mad so I said... one of my teachers, who I had a little bit of a crush on so it was sort of true, I guess, and then he asked- he asked me, 'You ever think about your brother fucking you? or your dad?' and I said no because that was the truth, and he didn't believe me, and he said what if I ordered you to go home and suck y-your brother's cock while he's asleep and what would he think of you then and would you do it, would you do it or would you disobey me you worthless whore and I said that I... that I would and then he made me say that I wanted to, and I didn't, I never did, please believe me, I didn't-"

"Shh." Kurt gently lays a hand on my shoulder. "Blaine, of course I believe you."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

"Sweetheart, it isn't your fault. That's terrible, and I'm so, so sorry it happened... I was afraid it was something like that."

"You- you knew?"

"I had my suspicions, of what you could be so afraid to tell me."

"And you don't-" He'll be mad, but I have to say it. "You don't hate me now?"

"Of course not. Nothing could ever make me love you any less, Blaine. You will always be perfect to me."

"But I- I said-"

"He made you do a lot of terrible things. He coerced and manipulated and forced you and what he coerced you into doing isn't anything I could judge you for, because you didn't mean it."

"It's sick-"

"What he did to you? Absolutely. What he forced you to say? Yes. But you are not sick. You are not disgusting, and you are not bad, and you are not weak. You are my strong, beautiful boy. Only mine."

I can't stop crying. I thought I would have to bear the weight of this terrible secret, this unspeakable, shameful thing, forever. I can't believe how good it feels that Kurt knows, and that he doesn't hate me for it. I can't believe the relief there is in his acceptance.

I spend all that night lying in Kurt's arms. It's hard for me to fall asleep, but at least I know he's here, with me, keeping me safe.

The rest of the school week goes by in a haze. I pay attention in my classes, and barely notice time going by. Before I know it, it's Saturday morning, and I'm waking up cradled in Kurt's arms.

"What do you want to do today?" he asks.

I take his hand and pull it to my lips, kissing his palm gently. "I want you to make love to me."

"W- really?"

"Yes."

"You're sure?"

"Really sure."

"Because we don't have to- we can do something else, or-"

"Kurt." I squeeze his hand. "I want this. I'm ready- I'm sure. I want to be with you in every single way."

"That might take a while," he teases, but I can tell from the light in his eyes that he's just as excited as I am. 

"Will you?"

"Yes. Just- first. Promise me, that if you, even for a second, feel at all uncomfortable, physically or emotionally, you will tell me. It doesn't mean we have to stop completely, I just need to know. Understand?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"Good boy." He kisses the back of my neck. "How do you want to do this? What will make you feel most comfortable?"

"I... um..."

"Do you want to submit to me or do it just as boyfriends?"

"I want to submit. Please."

"And do you want me to top?"

"I..." I'd never really considered doing it the other way around. "I'd like to maybe try topping someday, but not right now."

"Any position you want to try?"

"I want- I need to be able to see you." I turn slightly so we're face to face. "I want to know it's you. That I'm with you, and I'm safe. I know it will hurt more that way, but it's what I want."

"Of course. And it's not going to hurt, sweetheart."

"It probably will. At least a little."

"I'm not going to hurt you," he says, and his voice is as firm as iron. "That's not how I want this to be."

"Okay," I say quietly.

"You're my good, precious boy, and I'm going to make you feel so good. I promise."

"I know. I trust you."

"I love you, Blaine." He leans down and kisses me, and I let my lips fall open, yielding to him completely.


End file.
